Want to invest my money but too pussy for crypto and too retarded for stocks and etfs

>want to invest my money but too pussy for crypto and too retarded for stocks and etfs

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You can always just send it to me user
We'll split the profit 50/50

Same. I was thinking about investing in natural resources but you'd have to hope that the market goes down
and crypto craches

Same. I've got some money now and don't even know how bank accounts work. I'm as useful as a 12 yo.

Talk to a financial advisor. The advice is free because they make commission off of managing your funds.

Really not difficult to do basic research. For most people dump everything into a low fee index fund that tracks the s&p 500. Low risk and reasonable returns.

I too would like to earn money with minimal effort.

Yall need some dividends in your lives!

A good place for beginners is investopedia.com

I live off of my dividends and work a small bullshit job to add more to my investments. It's max comfy.

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Crypto is dead. Dropshipping and other meme money making schemes dont work. Stocks you can loose money. Buy a property and rent it. I cant because I'm poor.

why is everyone so retarded to do something in theire lives

what div stocks are you holding right now. I've done very little research, but an obv candidate for me was $T

Here you go fren :-)

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Basically the (((banks))) trick you into thinking that you are earning interest by saving your money with them, when in reality the rate of interest barely exceeds the rate of inflation

Was this portfolio recommended to you or did you research each of them yourself?

I did this all myself. I've been investing for a few years now.

Once I get a job I'm probably just gonna dump all my income in VTSAX

I feel in the same boat sort of. I've got some money in crypto but it's not much at all and I'm not even sure when I should cash out on it. I'm mainly making pocket change doing matched betting lately

download robinhood, set 20$ from each paycheck, specialize in a certain commodity (i love oil) find the 3x etfs (drip and gush), learn about pattern trading, when/where/how news drops (only for oil) and profit. I'm about 40% in about 3 months of this strategy. Only playing with 2k but lets see where we can get it. Investopedia is a good place to start.

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Jack Bogle, the founder of Vanguard, wrote a few very excellent books on how a normal person should invest. Bogle is commonly known as one of the least greedy/jewish people in the history of Wall Street as shown in how he set Vanguard up to be the only investment company of its time owned by its funds shareholders, and his pioneering of low-fee index funds.

Anyway, I highly recommend his reading. He pretty much goes over all the ways people will try to trick you into giving them a slice of your cash as an untrained investor and how you can set up a simple portfolio to out-do them. In the end he recommends many people should probably just invest in a simple plan of putting their money in an S&P500 index fund or Total Stock Market index fund and then wait it out. You won't surpass the market this way, but investing is a zero-sum game and every dollar someone makes investing is a dollar that someone else put into the market. So investing in the entire market essentially ensures that you'll steadily make money over a long period of time even against people investing for a living.

Bumpy Bumpy Bitches .

Index Funds (diversified)
Roth IRA

How about.....

>>>>>>>>>>>A SAVINGS ACCOUNT

Everyone has a savings account, that's not investing. See

I am too retarded to even understand crypto. And I want to do it for political reasons more than anything.

If you understand how downloading torrents works, crypto is kind of like that but the torrent is constantly having new code written to it

invest your money into education, exposure therapy, food, reliable transportation, insurance. There's also plenty of people looking for loans to start businesses that would prefer to pay you interest instead of the banks. But ideally you invest into yourself directly.

>interest on a savings account is so low that you make $0.01 per $1000 in the account
>this is investing

>education,
Already in university
>exposure therapy,
What the fuck is this
>food,
I already eat good food
>reliable transportation,
Already own a hybrid
>(((insurance)))
Surely this is bait