MONKEY'S PAW THREAD

granted. they both have bombs in them that will detonate when turned on.

granted, but you spend the rest of eternity in limbo

>Immortality for my family and I, without changing our forms as they are.
You and your family are now frozen in time forever, unchanging.

granted, but everyone else on earth dies

You get a pc and a phone which are both new to you even though they are 20 years old.

I wish for all wishes granted by this monkey's paw to be completely reversed, and for all wishes granted by similar objects to be reversed as well, with the caveat that I remain aware of what has changed.

I'm just curious to see what happens.

You die instantly in a car crash, but the person you loved most become paralyzed for life in the same car crash
>immortality
Earth is eventually is destroyed and you spend the rest of eternity floating through the vacuum of space all alone, constantly suffocating but unable to die

granted, but she will not speak back to you at all

At least let me open Roblox and browse Jow Forums in peace before all of this happens to me
>oof.mp4

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I wish I was the god of my own pocket realm with the power to create and exert influence over anything within it.

granted, but all of the effects of the wishes already done will be cast on you

sure but everything you create fucking dies lol

Granted. But you now MUST exert influence over all of it. It's a full time and very hectic job just to keep things from collapsing.

Thanks chief
>oreginallio

Granted, but you can only play shitty tycoons and browse /b/

Awesome! I basically got an uncountable number of wishes for free!

Why can't I move? Actually, why can't I feel my face?

I wish for my dong to double in size

granted, but you turn into SCP-106

granted, it grows a tumor

oof, though to be honest after long enough of staring into the void my thoughts will eventually silence which isn't too far off what I wanted.
Well worth it

I wish for everyone I know to always be happy and have good things happen to them

i wish hat the answer and explanation to any academic question

granted, but everything bad that would happen to them happens to you

Granted. They're all on krokodil-tier drugs and will be dead by 2020. They are, however, in a permanent state of zen-like contentedness and see everything that happens as positive; they will die with a big ol' smile on their face.

Granted. But you could never articulate it in a way that people would believe your explanation. Eventually, out of frustration, you make a youtube channel exposing the secrets of the universe and turn into a laughing stock nutter. Unable to handle this, you turn to heroin and eventually overdose.

I wish I had magical powers like Dr. Strange. The power of the infinite would be at my beck and call.

I wish that I could go back to my preschool and kindergarten years with my current mind and knowledge.

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Granted. You are now doomed to repeat those years over and over again.

cmon user lemme get some decent grades for a second

I want to kill a nigger.

>implying this wasn't what I wanted all along

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But their family murders you and your family

Checkmate faggot. Infinite theory literally makes the probability that someone will be able to unfreeze me a reality and it'll be a blink of an eye to me and my senpai. Literally just a change in scenery over a nanosecond, BRAINLETS BTFO.

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Infinite wishes.
Then wish for the repercussion(s) to never take effect.
Checkmate?

granted, but every creature you create despises you and always work to kill you in horrible ways you dont think are possible

granted, but no girl wants to be with you, not even escorts

granted, but they all grow to hate you

Granted! Makes you unable to ask for any more wishes. Checked

But the years are only repeating FOR YOU. The world still goes on, the classmates move on, the teachers change, and on top of that, you still age.

Give me the power to create anything I imagine.

granted but there is a even more powerful wizard that is able to kill you instantly, and you have no way of beating him

I wish to be adopted by healthy, mentally sound parents.

granted, but you become a nigger after you do

a tornado comes hurdling down out of the sky and rips her head clean off sending her brains flying and splattering all over your face like chopped hotdogs and alphabet soup
you can never experience pain and you are reincarnated as an immortal banana slug trapped in a dead homeless man's asshole inside of a toilet and the only way to escape is through the sewers
everything explodes into a fiery inferno of ash and consumes everybody in your family sending them to an alternate universe version of hell where missile silos are sentient and can speak with very slow dragging deep booming voices and they tell really bad puns (they have 1,000 of them you will mesmerize in order as they loop back and forth) while you and your family are trapped in cocoons that smell like cayenne pepper and paint remover for eternity

ok im bored

Granted but you live in the middle of the Iraque war

For the first few months it's great. But you very quickly get bored and settle in to a normal boring life, working at the McDonalds because you've burned through all possible experiences so quickly.

Granted but you can't control it and your imagination keeps spawning increasingly degenerate shit

granted, but everything you create becomes deformed and you have to always completely destroy it out of disgust

It does, but only the foreskin

Eh... I'll take it

originally you fucking cuntblock filter

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That one makes no sense to me. This "repercussion" is just a refusal to grant my wish.

im able to make any girl sleep with me, no questions asked

>old friend
oldest person you've spoken to is the only person you gain the courage to speak to

You ask for infinite wishes, I give them to you but I don't allow you to use them how is that refusing to give you your wish u retard

You can, but must fellate ten niggers on camera first.

Granted! But you are unable to get an erection

Granted, every woman you ask will sleep with you... on your bed, non sexually.

Granted, but as a result all women smell like fish

you are now a full 2 inches. Even the paw feels bad for you.

It works, they physically can not object, but they still report you for raep afterwards

granted but midway sex they grow a gigantic dick(14 inches)

The world finds out you wasted a wish that could do anything and solve all the worlds problems, and that you wasted it on a computer and a phone. Because of this everyone fucking hates you

I find meaning

Granted| But the meaning you find is your worst nightmare

i wish to be a citizen of an eternal and isolated utopian society

I wish i to have the power to make any girl i want to fall madly in love with me, and to be able to trigger that power with my thoughts

>i thought that the twist was supposed to be bad?

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granted but you get ripped in half by a mob of women fighting over you

Granted. They are madly in love with you forever, and by mad I mean insane. They go full yandere immediately and there is no off-switch.

I want to ace all my classes, win out big on stocks, become rich and influential, and use my influence to progressively control elections and soon the world

you start to lose control of the power and anytime you use it it effects other people you dont care about

i can enter a stalker mode in which im basicly a ghost and noone can hear me(i fly and i can still masturbate)

granted but you get every std known to man

granted, but the same thing happens to someone else and you slowly lose all your power to someone else

Granted! But you live the rest of your life feeling the biggest misery and depression imaginable making you unable to enjoy anything in existance

you are now a full 2 inches. Even the paw feels bad for you.

oo

granted, but one day you are stuck like that forever and eventually starve

Deal, as long as I rule over the peons
Deal if it's during old age, but I'll try to assassinate him nonetheless

i wish the same as user but they retain their moral condition and social values so they don't fuck me up

I wish that i am able to make my own wishes with no consequences

>try
keyword in that sentence
>during old age
Its around your mid 40s

I'll just try to make myself feel better, and fine deal. Let's not waste anytime on getting me that money

granted but anyone you try it on slowly return to normal, and you are unable to use it again on the same person

Granted! but you can only make them for other people who have a specific set of circunstances, which change randomly every time you make a wish for them.

I want all the money in the cash register and a get away car.

granted but when youre about to be nominated world leader you get entirely naked

I JUST WANT A NEW PC BECAUSE MY OLD ONE DIED DUE TO UNKNOWN REASON 6 MONTHS AGO PLUS THIS FAKE ASS PHONE WHICH I'M USING IS TESTING MY PATIENCE LIMIT IS THAT EVEN TOO MUCH TO ASK REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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I wish I had an incredible personality, becoming captivating and charming

Will there be ancient artwork of my masculine beauty, or unclothed statues raised in public squares? There will.

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granted, but you are instantly caught by police