Fat powerlifter betrayed by her own intestines

>be me
>57kg powerlifter
>squat day
>eat a fat kebab before training, was at least 500g of meat
>wait a couple of hours for it to settle down and head off to make gains with a belly full of macros and a fucktonne of preworkout
>start off with plyometrics, feeling a little sluggish but weirdly powerful
>get into doing clean squats
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>transition into front squats
>suddenly feel a little too full, not sure if going to be sick or if my belt is too tight
meh, fuck it, i needed to put on my knee sleeves anyway.
>trot off to the bathrooms
>sit on a bench and start putting my sleeve on
>left sleeve halfway up my shin when suddenly, my stomach makes an ungodly quivering that could only be compared to having an angry fish swimming inside my gut
>leg it to the loo
>my asshole lets out a silent gas that smelt not like a fart but literally just like the kebab i'd eaten 2 hours ago
>without effort, my asshole immediately jet-sprays out what felt like a solid 2 minutes of explosive fibrous material, whilst making a noise akin to a diesel trying to start up on a -10 degree morning
>eventually the onslaught stops
>sweating profusely
>knee sleeve still halfway up my shin
>panting from the fright of having a demon force its way out of my asshole
>in there for 30 mins
>walk back out and continue training like nothing happened
was i poisoned or given superpowers, Jow Forums?

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Your ass is just loose from all the dick it's taken that's why it acts like that

> Plyometrics

Why are you wasting your time training bullshit that can't be progressively loaded and so won't yield a useful adaptation?

Fucking women logic

Stopped reading at 57kg powerlifter

You are micro machines

Good, now you're not blocking the squatrack for 5 hours while doing 3x3 squats

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>her
How do we stop the BRAAP-posters?

box jumps for warmups dont be fucking silly as if that's my whole program

guilty as charged

Are you familiar with my friend George? He's the British 105kg eq deadlift record holder and single. You sound like his kind of woman.

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>her
XY (girl) or XX?
If the latter, post tits or gtfo

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Don’t eat kebab in europe or wherever you live. Firstly, it’s literally just fat and processed chicked or whatever the fuck they make it out of here, secondly it’s not real kebab anyways. Also, the hygiene of the kebab places are usually really bad. You might ask, how do you know user ? How do you have such insider information ?
Well I leave that to you
Just go get a subway sandwich instead

never gonna make it

imagine the smell haha

i feel like this is some sort of meme im out of the loop on but unfortunately i'm in the upside down

I wish that toilet were me

>>be me
kg powerlifter
>>squat day
>>eat a fat kebab before training, was at least 500g of meat

i knew how this story would end

should have used squat plugs!

>lightweight powerlifting
>having bobs
pick one

kek

LITERALLY USELESS. What the fuck do you think that accomplishes?

"However, strength and conditioning professionals must notice that in this study the combination of plyometric and weight training was significantly more beneficial in increasing vertical jump height and other related variables. Therefore, strength professionals must be able to incorporate both elements in their training regimens"

(Evaluation of Plyometric Exercise Training, Weight Training, and Their Combination on Vertical Jumping Performance and Leg Strength, 2000)

>>>/plg/
Ask for Isley

IMAGINE THE SMELL

Tf is a Squa Track? Btfo cardio fag

just sniff a kebab retard