Wtf am I supposed to eat as a lard ass? What low carb foods are you eating?

find the most churned/strained dairy thing you can find. none of that 10% fat greek yoghurt bullshit. in the netherlands we have kwark/quark, and i know skyr is good as well. half a kg is like 40 protons.

never eat fucking ground meat as your protein source for dinner/lunch, just chicken and turkey. get like 300g of chicken for 60 more protons for dinner and maybe 150g turkey as a snack during the day. thats 130 protons total. add some nuts (almonds are by far the best, watch the fat though). eat rice with your lunch/dinner, never eat bread. potatoes are alright. stop doing GOMAD, milk has quite a bit of sugar in it.

for the rest just dont eat snacks/candy or drink anything like coke.

i dont understand whats so hard user

i find sticking to these foods lets me hit proton goal quite easily, and carbs i can hit with rice which is my favorite carb by far.

that leaves fats which i struggle with sometimes, so treat that food group as your snack. get avocado, fatty fish, nuts, whatever to hit your fat goal. all that shits delicious

i skipped over vegetables but obviously load the fuck up on veggies with every meal. it looks retarded but just taking a bell pepper with you to work/school and eating it raw is a pretty based snack

If you're classed as obese, not overweight you should NOT be eating you spastic.
If you're overweight just eat like a human being.

for me i had eggs and beans for breakfast and a protein shake with milk for lunch, im at around 90g protein and 1000cals. just pick foods that have the protein, potassium etc. keep it at 2000cal if your a lardass your probably use 2 3000cal, the weight will come off.

>Wtf am I supposed to eat as a lard ass?
nothing

>7th and 9th cranial nerves
and lose control over facial expressions
sounds good

just cut it up, put in some tupperware and you have a normal snack. dont eat a bell pepper like an apple you retard

Cutting thr chorda tympani before it merges with the nervus lingualis after it left the skull would do the trick. This would be doable, but the 9th would be a problem without any additional damage.

>Wtf am I supposed to eat as a lard ass?
Nothing

You were on the right track with eggs

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Overeat zero carb foods until you can't take another bite.

>zero carb foods
like?

Ham. Veggies. Cottage cheese. Water (not a fucking drop of soda or beer). More veggies. Whole-grain rice. Chicken/Turkey (without skin).

Get a sweet craving during weekend? Eat a fruit or two.
Want something crunchy to snack on? Eat carrots.
For something salty, Ive heard people putting salt on carrots and broccoli. I like to make jerky out of some lean strip of beef.

Cauliflower is pretty versatile if you know your way around a kitchen. Grilled chicken (legs + thighs, fuck breasts), canned tuna, eggs, squash, cashews and macademia nuts are my low-carb staples.

73% ground beef. use a spoon and eat the liquid fat with it. 1400 calories per 1lb roll. Perfect keto macros (for a non lifter), 1.6x more fat than protein. If you can still eat after 1lb, do more until you can't stand it anymore. Over time you'll need less and less to feel satisfied. Stuff yourself on meats and eggs so you can't eat another bite. Do this for three weeks and you're full keto, fat adapted, and should be shedding weight like crazy. After that you should calorie count and work towards one meal a day, stuffing yourself with meat eggs and cheese during that one meal.

Here's my daily menu, which should (according to my calculations) give me (a fairly average fatass male) enough protein for some muscle growth while losing fat about as quickly as possible (without giving yourself any serious physical or psychological issues, or being distressed enough that it is unsustainable long-term).

Breakfast: 40g whey isolate powder, 500 ml unsweetened almond milk (plus some flavouring; I use vanilla essence, but any low-calorie option is fine) plus a multivitamin and vitamin D pill.

Lunch: 200 g of chicken breast fried in one teaspoon of rapeseed oil or 200g of chicken thighs, roasted. Add lots of salt, herbs and spices. Eat with some raw spinach or other leafy greens.

Pre-workout: one apple or one dessert spoon of raisins (not to be consumed on days I don't work out).

Post-workout: 5g creatine, 5 ml lemon juice (helps creatine dissolve, adds more vitamins), 500 ml water.

Dinner: steak fried in a teaspoon of rapeseed oil, along with a load of mushrooms, two stems worth of broccoli, microwaved with olive oil. Loads of salt and pepper on everything. Alternatively, any meal which has less than 750 calories and more than 40g of protein (a bowl of home-made chilli, stew, curry or stir-fry for me).

Supper: two eggs, scrambled together with 200g of egg whites, with a teaspoon of rapeseed oil to grease the pan.

Drink mostly water. Fruit tea or very low sugar squash is acceptable. Diet soda is probably fine, depending on your beliefs about artificial sweeteners. Coffee or real tea (and soda with caffeine) will fuck up your sleep for no real benefit, but won't ruin the diet.

Combined with 40-60 minutes of heavy exercise (HIIT, weightlifting) and a similar amount of light exercise (just walking is enough to qualify) per day, four to six days a week, you should be able to drop 0.5-1kg per week while actually increasing lean mass slightly and making significant strength and endurance gains.

Good luck. We're all going to make it.

Okay OP, I am about to level with you the most real advice you will ever get on this board about weight loss, but there's two questions you need to answer:
>1. Honestly, how fat are you
>2. How much will power can you summon
If the answers are 'genuinely obese' and 'man on a mission' then you need to get into fasting. It's tough, getting through the first two days will be awful. You also need to look up the things you are allowed to consume (squeezed lime juice, coconut oil, salt). But if you can start doing week long fasts you'll lose weight faster, and feel better doing it.

Don't listen to any idiots who'll reply to this claiming fasts are unhealthy, if you're a fat fuck you'll be fine. Just don't eat.

Someone post the 36 eggs image

It really doesn't matter, you just need to eat less to lose weight. But I would recommend lots of green veggies, cauliflower, egg, chicken, lentils(still calorie dense, careful), tuna. These are easy to control and also healthier.

I'm partial to eggs oats and chicken or beef for cutting. Half cup of oats will keep you satisfied for a while and eating a pound of chicken in one sitting will feel like a chore.

>cut some fucking nerves and ruin your body instead having a minimal amount of will power not to eat like a whale

The quality of those eggs is abysmal. Look at how light shaded the yellow of the yolk is. Pic related is what a good quality egg looks like

Also, can anyone confirm if eating 3 eggs a day is healthy?

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