Free (you)'s

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
trying to get thinner this year, im around 155 pounds and im aiming to be 130 by this summer
>what are you looking forward to?
finishing my degree, getting into the career of my choice, making myself better, getting a girlfriend, learn to enjoy life for once
>why havent you killed yourself
because i cant imagine how sad my parents would be on top of other relatives
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
sort of, little brother was the favorite and my mom was never satisfied with my school work

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Both. I've been lifting pretty well for the last 8 months and I've made good gains, but mentally I'm falling the fuck apart.
>what are you looking forward to?
Finished university recently so I've been trying to find work. Although the prospect of working makes me want to jump in front of a bus, I've found a few good jobs that I wouldn't mind doing. Plus, if I'm making some decent money, I can have my .308 rifle serviced back up to working condition and I can get back to the range.
>why havent you killed yourself
I promised myself that I would do whatever I needed to do to get my .308 back up to condition and spend one or two more summers travelling and shooting in some big competitions like I did awhile ago. My hope is that process of being able to do all that will be enough to make my life worth living again.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Father had mental illness, was abusive, mother was just as nuts, but I just couldn't tell when I was younger. My sister was sick as a kid, she's better now, but things are always going to be tough on her. Always did well in school though, which is the only thing that I can wield to pull me out of all this.

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Good-day user! Great to see you as ever~

Having a nice start to the day, reading 'A Social History of England' will probably finish in a couple hours. Its my birth-day today so I figured I'd probably get a giant cake and share some with house-mates, will be comfy. Going to a work outing at some Italian restaurant later, there's like 20 people going so feel pretty sorry for the staff though I suppose its not like we've never dealt with that before. Are 20 today, why does it feel like such an old number compared to previous years? I know its not actually old though it makes you feel like your aging like nothing else before.

Suppose I'm getting fit, work usually tends to fill in the time the gym in open though now I have the time and can go, its easy during the week though the weekend is another thing. Looking forward to any hugs and tummy rubs I get on here really, also listening to the albums you recced yesterday. Haven't killed myself because I'm scared of dying and are surprisingly petty. Upbringing was nice if somewhat negligent - though I thank such negligence for making me practically my own parent in a sense, I think more participation in my child-hood would have easily set me on a worse path in the long-term and to be honest its probably what makes me keep in contact far more these days with family; due to the greater mystery of them.

Good-luck user, its good that you are attempting to make a change requiring such dedication, succeed or fail it shall not be a waste of time.

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>>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Making a half hearted effort to get Jow Forums. I'm afraid at my core, despite how much I might wish otherwise, I just can't see the point.
>>what are you looking forward to?
Good video games being released in 2019.
>>why havent you killed yourself
Don't want to die.
>>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Probably, yeah.

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Trying to get fit my fren, the going is slow, but it is happening

>what are you looking forward to?
I got a steak, veggies and some red wine to have for dinner, so that.

>why havent you killed yourself
Never really had the urge tbqh. I guess I really believe things will get better.

>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Not really, just the 'tism.

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I'm trying to be Jow Forums but fear is my biggest obstacle

>what are you looking forward to?
College, and adopting a cat

>why havent you killed yourself
Because I have no desire to. Sure, Life stinks on many occasions, but it gets better, it's gotta get better at some point.

>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Yes? My mom was a narcissist and my brother followed suit, my family was very judgmental of me making me terrified to even show them anything I wanted to work on.

>>what are you looking forward to?
you killing yourself you sack of shit.

Hello OP. How are you doing?
>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Currently dieting. I just want to lose some weight, don't care about muscles.
>what are you looking forward to?
Everything is so uncertain that I don't even know what I could be looking forward to.
>why havent you killed yourself
I've decided that I'll give myself time to change things until I'll be 30. If things haven't changed positively by then, I'll do it no matter what.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Not really, but I've always been pretty much isolated from anyone. Always been taught that, if I do something well, I should do it for myself and not expecting to be complimented, but that's not really a good reason for a kid, so I ended up relaxing in my studies and now I'm struggling because of that.
Happy birthday, friend!
Turning 20 is the exact moment when age starts becoming scary. The days of school aren't that far in time, but it looks like they were ages ago. I suppose that realizing how much your life changed increases this effect.
>Going to a work outing at some Italian restaurant later
Is that like a stage? (Not sure if stage is the right term). Hope you enjoy it.
I've listened to that Replikas album and it was pretty nice. Especially liked the bass and the most oriental-sounding tracks like Bahar, Benden Yukesek and Deli Halayi II. Only complaint is, I wish the drummer did something more than only the essential. I felt like there was place for drum fills on some tracks.
*affectionate hug* Again happy birthday, I'll post Kotomi from the drawing I was talking about last time as a gift (still working on it, I' really slow and don't like drawing when there are my parents around).

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I guess it might be in that a lot are going drinking afterwards, I'm contemplating whether to do that or not. To be honest the concept of a pizza restaurant going to eat at an Italian restaurant seems redundant though I guess it'll be cool - always feels weird going into restaurants much like some form of role-reversal. Glad you enjoyed the Replikas album, really stands out from a lot of indie/ noise rock or so I perceive it to at least. Thanks for the hug. Not just saying this to be nice though you're drawing of Kotomi is honestly really good, far surpassed what I was expecting (I mean there was a huge range of what could have been from DeviantArt), what a cute expression!

Don't know if it is really that important to you, and maybe its a humble-brag in a sense - but when you do get to your 30's things do seem to get easier, at least from witness. My brother got engaged to a particularly rich lady a year ago (and he's 34), wasted most of his 20's on alcohol and was either homeless or sleeping in his car for most of it. A lot of stories one could get out of him I guess though nonetheless you can see how quick things can turn around, though you really do have to grab life by the horns it seems. Must admit one can't help but worry that you may spiral, wouldn't coach you into that mentality, you have great chance at coming back this year and for good as you can any other.

Don't know if one asked before but are you from the north or south? I mean always imagine you being from the north because I just imagine that south Italians live in tiny carriages and mow people's lawns or something whereas you seem to be active on the internet. Come to think of it, living on the continent do you feel like you can go pretty much anywhere? Like it must be cool that you can just up and go to Austria, France, Slovenia etc. whenever you like - as much as I like the UK the Channel can be a disadvantage in a sense though it is fundamental to the country's heritage

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>To be honest the concept of a pizza restaurant going to eat at an Italian restaurant seems redundant
As long as you don't eat pizza, it won't be as redundant as you think. Next time, tell me what you ate there.
>Not just saying this to be nice though you're drawing of Kotomi is honestly really good
Thank you. It's still a really rough sketch as I feel there's still something off with the proportions. You can also barely see where Starb's arm is going to be, with the hand on the right shoulder. Also, that pic you posted might come useful for reference so thanks.
>when you do get to your 30's things do seem to get easier
Probably because things start to stabilize around that age if you manage to find a stable job. No more changes of habits unless you get married or get transferred. You must only find a way to manage your time and you're good to go.
>wasted most of his 20's on alcohol and was either homeless or sleeping in his car for most of it
Sounds like a rough time. Glad he's doing fine now.
>you have great chance at coming back this year and for good as you can any other
Really hope so. The worst it could happen right now is having to drop out of uni and the thought is starting to become terribly real. It's scary more because of the potential emotional damage than because of the actual consequences.
>Don't know if one asked before but are you from the north or south?
Central Italy, actually.
>I just imagine that south Italians live in tiny carriages and mow people's lawns or something whereas you seem to be active on the internet
The more you go south, the more people tend to live in the countryside and doing countryside stuff, like cultivating and breeding animals. I'm like that as well, as I mentioned my flock of sheep once, but I honestly hate the countryside. It takes so much of my time and stresses me up a lot.
Answering the rest in next post.

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>do you feel like you can go pretty much anywhere?
Not really. Being the only family that doesn't work and having to look on the animals makes moving around much more difficult. My house is also pretty isolated and I usually don't have a car available. That's the reason I'm so active online.
>Like it must be cool that you can just up and go to Austria, France, Slovenia etc. whenever you like
Yeah, that would be cool.
>as much as I like the UK the Channel can be a disadvantage in a sense
Isn't there a tunnel to go from UK to France? But I guess it's pretty far from where you live and it would take a while to reach it.

Finished Shiori's route in Kanon and I strongly recommend you to play it. Best romance in any Key novel so far.

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>>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I don't know
>what are you looking forward to?
moving out of my parents house. Neetbux
>why havent you killed yourself
Death is scary.
>>did you have a shitty upbringing?
yea

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
both. i try to be better, but usually fail and then go harder into the self destruct mode
>what are you looking forward to?
nothing
>why havent you killed yourself
think about doing it every day. final plan is to end it in 2020
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
not really, but parents didn't bother to deal with my problems when they were really fucking obvious (staying at home over half the school year because "my stomach hurts")

I'm currently in the process of self-destruction. Once I get myself in a better place mentally I think I'll try and start exercising, but I always give up after like 5 days.

I'm looking forward to shooting some short films. Doing a few of those, and doing them well, I really live for that shit.

I have some reasons to live I guess

Not particularly

I am lifting in the hopes someone will love me. I am not currently looking forward to anything. I have a pretty strong survival instinct although I hate my life. My upbringing was a standard American suburban upbringing. My parents gave me every opportunity. I failed completely on my own.

>Trying to get fit(ter)
>Loking forward to getting paid from summerjob
>Don't want to die, cowards way out
>Decent upbringing

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Both, kind of. Im trying to reduce my sugar intake, taking 20km walks at least twice a week. I know I have shit tier genetics and will be medicated by the time im in my late 30s (late 20s right now) if I dont take care of my body.

Self destructing involuntarily because im smoking and working myself to death.

>what are you looking forward to?
I dont know anymore. Thought if I put in the effort Id be able to escape wagecuckery. Its not getting better.

The wagecuck life is truly hell.

>why havent you killed yourself
I have some hope left. I dont think I can last more than 5 years like this tho.

>did you have a shitty upbringing?
of course :^)

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Are you also the big sis Kath poster? If not what do you think about him?

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Nothing like dieting and working out all day just to get wasted at home alone and order way more take out than I needed

>I'm actually becoming a vegetarian to lose weight.
dont...do some research man fuck.
just fast.

>trying to get thinner this year, im around 155 pounds and im aiming to be 130 by this summer
fast man the weight just falls off you
fuck your parents just kill yourself, you seem to have it sorted though.
>but mentally I'm falling the fuck apart.
yeah, im getting worse myself.
lucky you have a gun to kill yourself with,.
I hardly listen to hip hop but thats nice hip hop
all I play is that sad shit.
seems like your parents must have done something right as you are so motivated.
sorry for late reply I took like 8 valiums and had one last drink and blacked out.

>I just can't see the point.
theres no point to anything in life.
why do I want to get fir, so I can fit into some clothing better, in a society, I dont fit into.

>I'm trying to be Jow Forums but fear is my biggest obstacle
once you get in routine its easy, former chadfit fag here
>you killing yourself you sack of shit.
Yeah. dont worry I will live stream it as promised.
I have my camera here.
>Currently dieting. I just want to lose some weight, don't care about muscles.
just fast then.
at least you do your studies man.
I never did shit, fucked since I was a kid.

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Our restaurant also does pasta, salads and in such a sense is technically an Italian restaurant (as it was inspired by a Londoners visitation to Italy and his desire to recreate the authentic pizza-quality rather than the more "Americanized" style of pizza commonly found in the UK) so I'd imagine it'll be familiar though to be honest you can never get tired of that type of cuisine. Do you guys fetishize your cuisine as much as the rest of the world does?

Figured that was Starb's hand, how cute. Its a shame employment much like technology has become so 'in-transition' that stable careers are near impossible to accomplish - at least on a contractual basis. Does Italy have an issue with 'zero-hours contracts' as our country does? I'd imagine plenty more companies there find manners to exploit the average worker (not to sound like Marx), assuming that income in Italy is slightly lower than the UK and business regulations more relaxed in spite of the EU. Do you have a concept of what your ideal job would be? (and don't say that you are too dumb/ worthless to get one, honestly you could probably beat out at least 60% of the workforce on attitude alone which when the average worker seems incapable of going postal/ being sick constantly/ loitering/ going on frequent cigarette breaks etc. counts for more than you might perceive, you try even if you are in a road-block right now, and you seem to really care about the world - believe me when I say you are worth more than you think, s-sorry for the tangent).

Ah yeah, forgot I believe you mentioned that you are from Lazio. We don't have a pizza for that region though when I worked at Domino's we had a 'Roma' pizza (goat's cheese, onions, Roquito peppers w/ cheese and tomato base... sorry if this is another pointless tangent, just figured it'd be interesting if our pizzas themed on Italian regions have nothing to do with what's there as I suspect).

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For sure dropping out is terribly disheartening, feel like there is no future for anything and all is going to be terrible though after a few months you get used to it - of course that can be a double-edged sword as you either mellow out and start taking the initiative in life to sort yourself out or becoming lost in comfort, enter NEEThood for a long-term and by the time you want to get out have a hard time earning employment. I think in your circumstances you'd probably mellow out more though still do your best and honestly I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like but try asking them about stuff. Just anything they can educate you on - it can be really fun to see how passionate parents can be when you talk to them about what things they did for a living.

Does Italy have gentrified communities? Where I used to live (Lincolnshire) our countryside was torn between natives who were very much traditional albeit crooked at times and prone to living rough and town-folk who brought the town with them until the former was practically drowned out. The countryside is practically just overfill from local towns and cities down south these days though it is interesting to hear of the prejudices that town-folk had of countryside people in "olden" times and vice-versa.

Say, have you ever watched Non Non Biyori? Seems like you might get something from it given the country atmosphere though perhaps it'd be anger from the overly-romanticized image of country-living. Knew you were from the country though didn't know you were on a farm, does Italy have a wool-trade? Such used to be the mainstay of British exports for much its medieval history.

I know of the Channel tunnel though I imagine driving into France would be like 0:46 lol youtube.com/watch?v=tWq49YNtJ8M. Honestly despite French being the only language I'm semi-competant in, have no interest in it at all, just feels like a big road-block on the way to the rest of Europe.

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>just fast then
Not an option. I'm already low on energy, fasting would deprive me of that as well.
>I never did shit
Isn't there anything you like doing aside from arguing online with people who tell you continuously to kill yourself? You're into rhyming, try getting into music making.
>Our restaurant also does pasta, salads and in such a sense is technically an Italian restaurant
Yeah, but it's not like we only eat pasta, pizza and salads. Actually, pizza is only eaten as street food or in restaurants, while pasta is effectively an everyday food (not so sure I worded this in the right way). There are a lot of really good dishes with meat, fish and such. Some places have some really good fish soups and eating a Florentine steak should be mandatory once in a lifetime.
>Do you guys fetishize your cuisine as much as the rest of the world does?
*reads what has written* m-maybe a little h-haha.
>Does Italy have an issue with 'zero-hours contracts' as our country does?
Can you explain what you mean with 'zero-hours contracts'? I think I understood, but I want to be sure.
>I'd imagine plenty more companies there find manners to exploit the average worker
Yeah, finding a job with a good salary is like looking for drinkable water in the middle of the ocean.
>Do you have a concept of what your ideal job would be?
Not so sure desu. I'd like to do something that leaves some space to creativity. As childish as it sounds, I've always wanted to be a game dev.
>believe me when I say you are worth more than you think, s-sorry for the tangent
Stop being so adorable, damn it.
>it'd be interesting if our pizzas themed on Italian regions have nothing to do with what's there as I suspect
You're right, that's like the least Roman pizza possible. Probably not half bad tho.
About dropping out, luckily Italy is still quite behind the other countries when it comes to computer stuff, so I can easily find a job given my knowledge of C and Python. Next post.

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>ywn have 20km long walks with someone

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Hell, I would be already working full time if I wasn't scared of not having time for study.
>I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like but try asking them about stuff.
My relationship with them isn't bad, but I don't see any point in asking them stuff as they would answer me to decide by myself. I'll probably wait to see the results of this year and only then decide if I should drop out.
>Does Italy have gentrified communities?
Didn't know the term "gentrification" to be honest, but, from what I see, it's basically extinguishing the countryside aspect of a countryside town. If I got it right then I think that there aren't actually gentrified communities, or at least not where I live. People around here are pretty proud about their traditions of farmers and peasants.
>Say, have you ever watched Non Non Biyori?
Not yet. Was planning to, but I still have other SoLs that have more priority like Aria and Yuru Yuri.
>does Italy have a wool-trade?
Yes, but I have sheep especially for the meat. Wool and milk require certain equipments that we don't have and would be too much of a hassle.
>Such used to be the mainstay of British exports for much its medieval history.
Oh yeah, I think that we used to have a couple of Scottish sheep years ago. Those beats really enjoyed eating stuff from our vegetable garden.
>I know of the Channel tunnel though I imagine driving into France would be like 0:46
lol, yeah, probably.
>have no interest in it at all, just feels like a big road-block on the way to the rest of Europe
Same. I think there are some stuff like castles in Northern France, but nothing really interesting. Would be much more interested in visiting Austria with all those fancy 600's-700's buildings.

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im getting disability.
im going to be moving I might move to a different state so I can get fucking food delivered to me.

I live with all the abos,im sick of all this.
self destruction cool, I love it.
i cant be fucked to be creative.
>I am lifting in the hopes someone will love me.
maybe they will but im fucked im a prisoner in my own home for 5 years.
everytime I mix my benzos with alcohol I hope it might just kill me.
>>Don't want to die, cowards way out
suicide is based, how is it a cowardly thing to kill yourself.
>The wagecuck life is truly hell.
how are you still alive, it really is shit but lifes shit its meaningless.
you are walking so much and you are wage cuck, why?
>Are you also the big sis Kath poster? If not what do you think about him?
im not him, he seems like an autist.
>Nothing like dieting and working out all day just to get wasted at home alone and order way more take out than I needed
you may as well just not bother.
im eating my first meal in nearly 5 days and its because I have been doing this fasting since end of last year.
>Not an option. I'm already low on energy, fasting would deprive me of that as well.
i got more energy fasting.
>Isn't there anything you like doing
no, I liked running discord community to distract myself but I openly hate everyone and only like, 2 people and one of them doesnt even talk to me because im such a garbage person.
I told my parents my last will is to be cremated and flushed down the toilet, they were talking about my will as they know im not sticking around.
every day is the same stuck in these four walls crying, and I cant make friends because my brains fucked and if I sense vulnerability i jump at it and try benefit off them like scum.
I dont even want to be like this, im trying to change but at most I just pretend to not be a fucking cunt, I cant learn empathy and I try and I just get better at maniping

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I'm done trying, nothing works
>what are you looking forward to?
Nothing
>why havent you killed yourself
Good question, I'm a pussy, or I want to still believe?, or family
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
The upbringing wasn't shit I was the shit

The place we're going to does steaks and I was quite tempted (we've been given a 20GBP allowance to spend and a steak would cover all of it lol), if that's on the menu will try it tonight. Never heard of fish soups, I just think of paella when I hear of fish around the Mediterranean (come to think of it, does the Mediterranean still harbour fish? Finished the book of 'OHMSS' and one of the characters mentioned that none of it is genuine or something).

Zero-hours contracts are where you are not obliged to work any hours but are scheduled them (typically on rotas) or dialled up when needed to save costs, the issue is that you could be working say 40-50 hours come Christmas then be practically unemployed the week after which if you have debts to pay and/ or a family is not ideal. Tbh I never really read into it, could be partly wrong but it is unpredictable labour that especially gets enforced on foreigners (we've had plenty of scandals of companies saying that they are out of vacancies then saying that there are jobs available albeit written in Polish, Portuguese and such so that natives don't notice and they can usually bargain for cheaper labour. Ironically back-fires given that migrants tend to be from less-reserved backgrounds and so go postal a lot quicker though I digress). Does Italy have that sort of issue? I mean who goes to Italy anyway, Albanians? What's a good salary like over there?

Hey its good that your mind is open to the more creative aspects and great that you are persevering in drawing alongside coding.

I-I'm not cute, b-baka! Not as much as your filenames anyway...

Going to go out for a bit and buy myself a big cake because there is nothing that I really want and I guess let the housemates have a slice or two. Will get to your next post later assuming that the thread is still up. Oh, in skimming such I didn't mean asking parents about decisions in life, just about their interests.

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Getting fit and gain additional skills so I can get better ideas to kill myself
>what are you looking forward to?
Trying to code Komi so I can sell code and invest money
>why havent you killed yourself?
Funeral is expensive, searching is expensive, dying is a pain to clean up after
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Alcoholic, smoker dad with thief tendencies, Mom is overworked, overweight, constantly nagging, bad advices, brother is an unloved, attention whoring normalfag. I'm mentally ill, wanna live alone, but dirtpoor. I feel my sanity and IQ lowers with every day

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As weird as it may sound, I think that further isolation may be a way to deal with the situation. If your pattern of interaction with people always ends up with you trying to take of advantage of them, maybe you should forget how to deal with people. Changing when you're stuck on the idea of killing yourself sooner or later is really hard, but the only one who can figure out what you really want is you.
In that case, taking a steak may be risky. If the place is known for those, it may be worth it.
>Never heard of fish soups
Not really an expert on how to make a soup, but, from what I've seen, my mother takes mussels, clams, shrimps, cuttlefish and various fishes (you can put any fish you want, as long as you're aware of the bones) and makes them cook in tomato sauce. Then, roast some bread and put it in a bowl. Lastly, pour the soup over the bread. So fucking good.
>does the Mediterranean still harbour fish?
Of course it does.
>Zero-hours contracts are where you are not obliged to work any hours but are scheduled them or dialled up
Yeah, they're a huge problem here, even though the situation seems to be slowly changing
>labour that especially gets enforced on foreigners
>Does Italy have that sort of issue?
Yes, it's a problem here as well, even though the situation is turning around and not in a good sense. Many factories are closing their Italians establishments to transfer the whole production abroad, leaving a lot of Italians without job
>What's a good salary like over there?
Depends. For a regular worker, I guess that around 1500-1600 euros is pretty good, but many don't reach that kind of salary, if not after years of experience
>Going to go out for a bit and buy myself a big cake
Enjoy the cake!
>Will get to your next post later assuming that the thread is still up
Turn on the thread watcher, baka
>I didn't mean asking parents about decisions in life, just about their interests
That wouldn't resolve anything either, believe me

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>how are you still alive, it really is shit but lifes shit its meaningless.
I had hope my man, my goals are pretty simple: a spartan lifestyle with enough cash flow to fund my vices like vidya and shit, while working as little as possible. It should not be hard to get there, yet I can't.

>lifes shit its meaningless.
Don't mention it, I gave up on every dream and ideal long ago, if I could I would just get a comfy cabin, play vidya and watch anime all day. It's better to be an hedonist. (is it?)

>you are walking so much and you are wage cuck, why?
Kek, it's not that much. Always surprises me how muricans think anything over 1km needs a car. Years ago I was so poor I couldn't ride the bus so I got around walking, back then I could hardly walk 5km. Months passed and I wanted to save every cent I could, and avoid bus niggers, I had free time and said why not and made it an habit to walk around whenever I wasn't in a rush.

I just enjoy walking I guess, it made me sweat less and that's nice. Because Im a heavy smoker I suppose it's the least I could do for my health. Took me a while to get used to long walks, don't want to become a sedentary fag that can't walk for hours again.

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Im getting really fit with notorious progress but, im on hiatus since I got a spine surgery
>what are u looking forward to?
To earn knoweldge on many areas and get paid with youtube and twitcht, also writing novels and coding vidyas
>why havent you killed yourself?
Because there is nothing after death, and I must do my part as a human
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Grew up in a small house in a shitty zone (still living here) with parents that broke up. Got bullied on school until 12 years, then I decided to fight back and made that guy bleed. Since then I stopped getting bullied even when i changed school.

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
been going to gym for 1 year now and got somewhat fit, but it's useless because the only person who appreciated it is now gone.
>what are you looking forward to?
Honestly, nothing, life right now is looking pretty gloomy, maybe graduating from law school in the long term (2-3 years, if I don't commit toaster bath).
>why havent you killed yourself
I don't really know. Maybe it's because I'm still trying to get her back, or because I still try to delude myself into thinking that it'll get better eventually.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Kinda, grew up in a very rough hood in another country, my parents abused me, got raped when I was 11, used to get in fights, used lots of drugs and by the age of 15 I had a near death experience which made me realize I needed to make a change, so I ran from home at 18 and managed to legally inmigrate to USA and get into college.

>As weird as it may sound, I think that further isolation may be a way to deal with the situation.
I only take advantage of nearly everyone, lately I have selected individuals I will not manipulate.
Turns out to be females, easier to talk to females than males if they are fucked in the head also.
chatting to a shut in girl who seems cool, fembots are usually more fucked than the average guy as their issue isnt incel shit its like mental helath issues, relate more.

> if I could I would just get a comfy cabin, play vidya and watch anime all day.
this is me but imagine nothing brang you joy.

im losing weight mad fast, fasting.
I will start doing weights and stuff.

But i feel really depressed and im considering relapsing on alcohol because im just gunna KMS this year likely anyway and living hurts.
>Because there is nothing after death, and I must do my part as a human
we dont know that man.
could be anime world...
>the only person who appreciated it is now gone.
appreciate yourself.
you achieved a lot man, GG.
fuck life can be shot cant it but you got past it

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Both. One week I'm walking 30km, the next I'm starving myself because I lost the will.
>what are you looking forward to?
Nothing. Maybe some games this year will be cool?
>why havent you killed yourself
Scared of failing, I don't know how to do it right. My friend and I admitted to each other the other day that we've fantasised about joint suicide together, but I don't want her to die.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Kinda, better than most here. Poor af but not abused or anything, no drugs. Just undiagnosed mental illnesses.

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I am pretty fit and go work out twice a week, including today.
>what are you looking forward to?
Finishing military training so I can shoot at sandniggers.
>why havent you killed yourself?
For you
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
No, so I have no one else to blame which sucks.

If you are Gunjy you will know who I am

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Been fit for a year or so, staying fit while begging for death everyday. So, both.
>what are you looking forward to?
Nothing? I don't remember what that feels like actually.
>why havent you killed yourself
I plan to on Valentine's.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
I'm on Jow Forums, so... yeah.

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>>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I'm trying to do better, but I am self-sabotaging because I have nothing without my failures to explain away why I became who I am today.

>>what are you looking forward to?
Nothing. One day, I'd love to make enough money to stave off being a wagecuck for a few years though.

>>why havent you killed yourself
I'm scared of what happens next, if anything.

>>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Yeah. I have extreme mommy issues that are still affecting me as an adult. Maybe even a little bit more now.

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Trying to improve myself as best as possible
>what are you looking forward to?
No idea honestly, hopefully servant sexbots, my own house
>why havent you killed yourself
Im living ironically now
>did you have a shitty upbringing
Ye................. C dad, D- mom

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>the next I'm starving myself because I lost the will.
if you fast you dont need to do meme walking.
i lose weight while sitting on my ass.
>My friend and I admitted to each other the other day that we've fantasised about joint suicide together, but I don't want her to die
based, suicide pacts are so cool.
good luck.
BACK
>I plan to on Valentine's.
can you help a poor hikikomori out then?
mouse#7338

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>can you help a poor hikikomori out then?
If I had any money, I would.

I'm 58kg, so not starving to lose weight. I just give up trying to stay alive.
Dying with her is all I want.

>Dying with her is all I want.
youtube.com/watch?v=y9Gf-f_hWpU
listen to this
its about dying with a friend.
I play it on loop for entire year nearly.
im not joking
>If I had any money, I would.
bless you man.

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>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
Fuck fit. I'm trying to get healthy by fasting.
>what are you looking forward to?
moving back to my old city
>why havent you killed yourself
momma ain't rise no quitter
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
beside the psychological terror and occasional beating not to bad

>Fuck fit. I'm trying to get healthy by fasting.
based bro
me too
here want to add me so we can help each other.
I been fasting for 5 days at a time and losing mad weight.

big brains fast, you dont even feel hungry
mouse#7338

why don't you shoot yourself with your .308?

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I don't know anymore. I'm going through the motions of "self-improvement" but the depression is as terrible as ever. I tell myself life is a terrible challenge, though, and that makes it somewhat better.
>what are you looking forward to?
Having some kind of a purpose.
>why havent you killed yourself
Because it's scary and it's also an action which is in a permanent state of being "hasty" and I'm anything but that these days. I suppose in a way my increased sense of responsibility has made rejecting suicide as irrational much easier.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Not really, no, just idiosyncratic parents like everyone else on Earth. I have my own interesting barrel of monkeys to deal with, my own unique hand in life.

>Because there is nothing after death, and I must do my part as a human

Based answer, my man.

>are you trying to get fit or self destruct or both like me?
I've been trying to get fit, plan on joining the army in a year or two so I'll need it.
>what are you looking forward to?
Finishing college and moving on with my life
>why havent you killed yourself
I considered it for a long time, maybe I will eventually, not yet though I've got too many things I want to prove.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
Yeah, my mother died when I was 6 and my dad followed suit when I was 12. Raised by my uncle after that and I left the house at 18. Never looked back.

>the depression is as terrible as ever
we arent lazy we are unmotivated...
> rejecting suicide as irrational much easier.
suicide is rational man...we gunna do it one day.
>Yeah, my mother died when I was 6 and my dad followed suit when I was 12. Raised by my uncle after that and I left the house at 18. Never looked back.
sad to hear man.
life isnt the best for all of us is it...

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>>the depression is as terrible as ever
>we arent lazy we are unmotivated...

Big ???

Hell yeah big brains fat!

I eat one medium-small meal every day and try and make it as healthy as possible.

Sure i get hungry thats why i always have coffee or gum around, it really help take the ege off and gives something to do.

imma slap the shit out you niggas

yeah big depression fucks you
cant even feed my dog bro
try not eating for 5 days
>imma slap the shit out you niggas
put em up bad boi

Oh, free (you)s just means OP's narcissism-fest as he attempts to one-down everyone. Fuuuuun.

have tried like 2 days but had a hard time concentrating, but my next holiday i might try it a bit longer

>Oh, free (you)s just means OP's narcissism-fest as he attempts to one-down everyone. Fuuuuun.
No I have not even mentioned my issues much man, its a feels and chat thread.
>have tried like 2 days but had a hard time concentrating, but my next holiday i might try it a bit longer
get into full keto before you fast and you wont feel weak.
you had keto flu

I'm already declining in health. No need to speed it up
>what are you looking forward to?
Seeing friends again, I moved back to my home country for this.
>why havent you killed yourself
I'll be dead before long. I see no reason to encourage the process.
>did you have a shitty upbringing?
It wasn't the worst in the world. I was brought up mostly by my older sister because we never knew our mother and dad was always working. That being said it was hardly ideal.

yeah i didn't know about keto back then.
is one meal a day a good preparation for full keto?