ITT: Some illegal shit that you have gotten away with

>your apartment in Moscow?
I wouldn't be caught dead living in Russia. That place is a shithole.

You can have Millions of dollars in stolen data and still be so ugly that you're a robot. It actually helps you get Yankee White if thr vetting process thinks you're too much of a loser to get seduced by a Honeypot.

Ok so there was a teacher that hated me, he literally would never check my homeworks, let me participate in class and all of that, so one day i got a great idea.
I downloaded all the nudes some girls had sent to me from my phone to an usb and then to the teacher's laptop. After that i told the principal that the teacher had child porn on his computer (i was in highschool) he believed me. And well i never saw the teacher in school again lmao

what KIND of pizza did you download, my guy?

>>Stole 6.9 GB of blueprints for the S9G and sold them to the Russians for $6.5 Million and then the Chinese for $10 Million.
>
>>Sold the Russians 12 GBs of plans for the Columbia-class for an additional $4 Million
god I wish this were me
how do you even begin to do this shit

US fag here, I pick up street walkers about 3 times a week, sometimes visit amps thats about it

let a patient die because of a misdiagnosis and i forged the document to say that i made the correct diagnosis but the patient refused care

>Come find me in Jarvi-Suomi, bitch.

post coordinates and time for meet up. Give me a month to prepare for the trip tho.

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It is illegal of the woman remembers and regrets it. Have fun.

Christ dude... I'm surprised you would even admit to this here.

it was when i was a junior resident anyways so i didn't know much shit
hopefully i'm forgiven

I had Yankee White clearance. Simple Simon after that.

I'm asking for $30 Million for the W79 build. The Ruskies and Chinks haven't coughed it up yet.

what was the misdiagnosis and how did it kill him?

seems like a larp but that's cool

I made an illgeal bet
Speeding
Looking at my phone while driving
Pirating
Buying and doing drugs

I discussed the outcome of a baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

Ever seen a PALs encoder on an F-16? It's a Cat F. I can laydown a Mod 12 package in any country I wish and set it to go boom in 48 hours.

Is it still illgeal if you predict the future?
I predict that the mets will lose their next game

your posts are becoming increasingly erratic sir

I've shat and pissed outdoors in some foliage I don't own a couple of times

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for petty theft its literally stuff like 50 cent pens and erasers
>walking out of a building
>see pen on table, someone was obviously using it
>just take it, knowing I have no reason to other than my simple desire to do so

and theres other stuff like tresspassing on private property
>/nightwalk/ing
>see very nice gated community
>just climb over the walls
>see amazon package
>2am, this neighbothood is way too nice for anyone to have cameras, no one will ever know
>don't take it out of fear anyway

and
>annoying construction site near house
>climb massive chainlink fence
>climb water tower, watch sunset
feels comfy

anyone in socal who isnt a massive insane toxic prick who wants to buy cigs for me?

Short green text:

>in car with friend
>he's speeding
>get pulled over
>cop finds friend's weed pipe
>friend going to jail
>cop searches my pockets
>I have 17 Altoids in my pocket, each has a drop of acid on it
>17 felony counts
>cop pulls them out
>looks at them
>puts them back in my pocket

Wew.

how much will you pay me the ciggys

I'm from Luxembourg so lots of tax evasion.

I went to go see Kill Bill at the movies sometime in the mid 2000's when it came out. This was a huge cinema in a densely populated part of Atlanta and it was opening weekend, so the place was packed by the time I went to sit down. I ended up sitting on the 5th row, last one on the ground level before the stadium seating started behind me.

Movie starts and people in front of me won't stop talking. We're a good 10 minutes in and it's non-stop commentary from them, every 20-30 seconds someone has to crack a dumb joke or say something stupid, I can't focus on the movie. I was too young to own a gun at the time, but I carried a knife. This was not a pocket knife, but a fixed Buck Knife with a blade about 6 inches long (pic related).

I unsheathed the knife and considered stabbing the guy in the neck (it was a couple, or maybe two couples). Not really sure what I was thinking, it was just impulse. I'm usually an extremely calculating person, but in that moment none of the consequence of what I was about to do or what would happen to me really crossed my mind.

I suppressed myself long enough to stop myself from committing murder, but instead of sheathing the knife, I angrily get up from my seat and walk several rows back into the stadium seating to find another place to sit. I found another seat quickly and sat down like nothing was up. It was dark and everyone was watching the movie.

After I sat down a few rows back I realized that out of an entire theater full of several hundred people, I had just exposed to them that I was carrying an unsheathed knife. I sheathed and concealed it of course, but minutes later, two ushers walked by in the middle of the movie and were walking up and down the rows where I had just been as if they were looking for someone or something.

It's entirely possible they weren't looking for me...but who knows. I recall that instance and what the fuck I was thinking. If I had gotten caught, I would have had a felony

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Wow what a bro of a cop

Broke into someone's house once and stole some shit when I was 12

Public defecation

Jail-level speeding

Possession of a controlled substance

Violation of a protection order

Vandalism

Larceny

Agricultural trespassing

Grand theft auto (twice)

Felony menacing

I'm thinking he was just a dipshit, they looked like regular mints with maybe a little bit of lint stuck to them.

if you're serious about this then how about we continue our conversation via email?
[email protected]

>he doesnt know the Chinatown trick

Once apon a time was drug dealer

Baught drugs

Driveing without license

Built silencers for illegal guns

Extracted dmt manny times

Vandalism

Baught alcohol for minors

If it was pineapple delete yourself.
and be recreated into the position to receive my high five.

one time a smonked a weed

Put soda in a water cup

I drink and drive all the time. In an area where they give out DUIs like crazy. I can function and drive pretty well even if I'm so drunk i see double. Once drove 40 miles home with the worse double vision, I had to hold a hand over one eye the entire time so there was only one road to drive on. I recently started making more money so I will try to use lyft more as I can afford it.

Jizzed in the hair of the girl sitting in front of me on the bus - it was the last day of high school, I've never seen any of them again.

i played 18+ games when i was a little kid

>smokes the plant known as hemp
>is non allowed
>no care
>like a boss

What an absolute mad Iad

Yes officer, this is the one right here.

It is a LARP, Yankee White requires US citizenship, and governments as powerful as Russia and China wouldn't waste millions of dollars on some random neckbeard, they'd just black bag his ass, torture him until he gave up the data, and kill him when they were done.

Despite the espionage thing, considering that it's the Russians and the Chinese, I foresee two things happening
>Russians make a modified copy and still manage to massively fuck it up and scuttle countless ships due to incompetence over the years
>Chinese make exact copies of it and are still unable to figure out how it works
>even if they do figure it out then the competency of the Chinese navy squanders any advantage they would hope to gain.

I stole chocolate bars and had sex under the age of consent. Never told anyone, don't want to ruin my career, and my family would miss me.

Hang on, you were underage or she was?
If the former, then you lived the dream. If the latter, you're fucked man.

public masturbation

oregaboli

>this neighbothood is way too nice for anyone to have cameras
Huh? Are you saying poor people have more money to spend on security cameras?

They do, because there's incentive for people who live in bad neighbourhoods. If you live in a neighbourhood where shit doesn't get stolen, you don't have the money for a camera, because it's not worth it.

Both, for that double crime.

I don't think it matters much, that stuff just gets you a pass among the normals. Unless there was some kind of extreme age difference. How old were you and her again?

The majority of posts here are fake and serve to trick people into divulging crimes they've done. Nice try, FBI.

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It's a joke, original user

I guess shitting and pissing in public (at night), and/or owning weapons I was to young for at the time.
Oh also rape I guess

>this neighbothood is way too nice for anyone to have cameras, no one will ever know
It's the people who live in gated communities that are precisely the type to install security cameras. Bunch of distrustful paranoids.

Cheese pizza cause I wanted to see girls my own age. This was long enough ago that it's past whatever statute of limitations applies.

I pirated a movie once.

Killed my brother's child when I was taking care of it. It wouldn't stop crying so I took it outside into the woods, dug a pretty big hole, and threw that cut in it. When I got home I smashed my head into the wall and made it look like someone beat me up. I told him someone kidnapped his child and no one ever found out

i have never committed a crime in my life as i'm a law-abiding citizen

The best held secret is held by none.

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I have never committed a crime, however I know plenty of people who have. If I reported all of them I could probably claim over a million dollars in reward funds.

Not much, but was funny
>be me
>16 at that time
>walking to play some basketball with my two friends (it's basically us talking and throwing the ball)
>taking a shortcut through a railroad
>it's illegal at that place, don't really know why, don't care
>you can pay quite a big fine for that
>when we passed through, see two cops
>shit.jpg
>one friend too fat to even consider running away
>they approach us, ask to show some documents
>friends show
>I say I don't have mine
>really, user?
>ask cops if a fb profile counts
>they laugh
>say we're free to go, tell us to be more careful and look around next time

Not sure if it's that illegal, but I used to have accounts on camwhoring sites when I was a horny underage. I always said I was 18 and was 6 feet tall if they asked about that stuff. I'm 5'6" now, so maybe this is punishment.

This has to have happened in a third world country otherwise I cant see you getting away with it

vandalism
theft
piracy
selling alcohol in school

nothing too major

What a retard.

Robothagrbak

Tunnistettu'd

The most illegal one so far would be going 100 over the speed limit.

>Sold LSD to people in uni
>Bought a vial of LSD off tor
>Sold a tab for $10-15
>Bought the vial for $0.50 per tab
>One day went to a Halloween party
>See candy bowl
>Take a few and carefully unwrap them
>Squirt a drop on each one I took
>Rewrap them and place them on top
>Watch as roasties freak out
>MFW they think they are about to get date raped

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>selling alcohol in school
Why is there alcohol in school?

>I'm thinking he was just a dipshit, they looked like regular mints with maybe a little bit of lint stuck to them.
I find it hard to believe that anyone at all would just take it on faith that those are actually mints lol

We kidnapped a man who was showing off money he had burrow from us and we beat him with a log cut his head off in front of his son and then proceeded to cut the son's chest open while conscious and dip out his heat and stab it on him

We kidnapped a man who was showing off money he had burrow from us and we beat him with a log cut his head off in front of his son and then proceeded to cut the sons chest open while conscious and rip out his heart and stab it on him it's on video if you want to watch it

G'day mister FBI man, how are you doing this fine morning?

Post video

Oregano

Good thank you for asking. It gets slow around here this time of day

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are you by any chance brazilian?

Mexican American

Stalked my old crushes
Graffitied (shitty)
Did a whole lot of shoplifting

Shoo, shoo. Scram, CIA nigger.

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>Once walked into a QuikTrip and got a hotdog some chips and a drink and walked out but forgot to pay
Debated going back and giving the money
>Watched Thor Ragnarok on 123movies.com
It was a pretty fun movie in that "turn your brain off" type of way

I used to sell mad weed outside of my police precinct

The other day I mixed a luxury tomato in with two cheap tomatoes, and I rang it up as all cheap tomatoes.
I'm a monster.
>actually admitting to crimes on a website that archives posts and knows your IP address

>had a friend who was into urban exploration
>went with him once
>trespassed in a decrepit and partly collapsed abandoned hotel at night
>cops showed up with flashlights
>they're yelling "Who's in there come out this is the police put your hands up"
>exchange panicked looks with friend
>run deeper into the pretty dark and dangerous building until we can come out on the other side
>go into woods behind the place
>loop around to where we left my car
>drive right past cops on the way out

Pretty law abiding but when I was a child the neighbours had this annoying kid that always wanted to play with me. One day when he was annoying again I told him to look through a hole on the ground and smashed a ball against his head which made him hit his head pretty hard on the concrete which resulted in a gash that needed stitches. Told their parents he tripped and fell and he told them the true story but his parents hated him and believe my story.

Story? How'd you do it?

Why can't you buy your own cigs? Are you under 18, friend?

What the hell is a luxury tomato?

Don't work too hard buddy.

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wish id done this desu

Petty theft
Pirating
Illegal gambling
Vandalism
Drug dealing
Selling illegal weapons
Road racing

Have a great day man, and thanks for doing your duty and protecting us all. r9k supports our law enforcement.