Fembots, have you ever watched a man jack off? Did you enjoy it?

I guess you're right, every girl I've ever met including professionally through work tells me I'm overly serious and inexpressive. I really am a robot

>But then again I need to become someone's tomboy cocksleeve.
ftfy

turning a dyke into my cocksleeve is my fetish desu

>then again I need to become some tomboys fuckdoll
Well you were close.

fuck off roastie cunt. Louie did nothing wrong.

Being gay is wrong. Go be gay somewhere else.

I don't see how that's related to him being pig disgusting.

Alrighty. You have a good night user.

I'd let you think you were winning until things were getting close, and then I'd hit that granby roll and go from 0 to jackhammer before you knew what hit you.

I know literally nothing about the case. All I said is that he's physically disgusting and I would not be aroused by him at all. Why does that piss you off?

This.
>men in this thread actually think masturbating for their partner's entertainment is the same as masturbating for themselves
And these are the people who think female masturbation porn (or any porn) is representative).

That's not true. One time I was masturbating for a girl, and then suddenly I looked over and she'd left the room. I asked her about it later, and I guess I'd forgotten she was there because she said I was suddenly making these weird kinda gay-looking faces and it was like my arm was having a seizure. She said my legs and my other arm were just flapping around and she thought I was joking at first, but then I started farting and she thought it would be best to just leave.

It's the same with dick pics. I've had the displeasure of receiving some and it's always "angle from down below, 90% of the picture is a comically gargantuan penis thanks to the shit angle, hairy underside thing, if you're lucky a glimpse of their face that just makes a faux serious frowning look
Never been drier

Do you live in Texas or New Mexico by any chance? Come to Odessa Texas and be my curious voyeur GF please.

>soon as she looked at me I came and started farting

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How old were you when you first watched a guy bate? How old was he? Did you know him? Ever let a guy cum onto you?

You literally just proved my point. Men are fucking retards who don't know how to act sexy.

Nah. Even then
>meeting people
>on r9k
Fun story to tell the grandkids.

Hows this angle, fembot??

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>Men are fucking retards who don't know how to act sexy.
And girls do?

holy shit what the fuck am I looking at ahaahhhaahah

>You literally just proved my point. Men are fucking retards who don't know how to act sexy.

did you think that story was true?

Utterly unerotic. I've been more aroused watching Lifetime movies.

Yes. I'm straight but guys are hilariously bad at being sexy compared to women.

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and being sexy means...?

maybe you're bad at being horny

Honestly, if I were watching a girl masturbate and it was like that, I'd be so turned on. If she were cumming so hard that she just thrashed and farted uncontrollably? Man, I'd want to go stop the farts up so bad.

I would suppose that's a matter of taste. Not starting out with sending around pictures of your junk is a good idea imo.

I'm pretty great at being horny actually, thank you very much.

My penis please dont bodyshame

The rspe movies?

user where is your penis hole

personally I think sending pictures of your junk to anyone is asking for a bad time. Everyone's seen a penis before, and they'll probably have way too high expectations anyway

Well then we're in agreement. But still it seems to be the favored way of courtship for the majority of men on the internet. So yes that is pretty retarded in my opinion.

Guys arent sexy as the same way girls are. Guys are sexy by being masculine and doing masculine things, and I'll tell you sending nudes or jacking it for a girl randomly is submissive behavior, the opposite of masculine. Take this as you will.

Yes. Women are amazing at it. Even women that are complete retards (ex. Women in porn) can make attempts. Sure, porn star moaning is obnoxious, but it's better than Johnny Sins or whoever grunting.

What story? Louis C.K? I mean, obvious innocent before proven guilty, I haven't read the case, blah blah blah. With that said, men never fail to disappoint me, so he probably pulled some dumb shit.

Cool it, James Joyce. And you only say that because the prospect of a woman actually caring enough about you to be nervousl is erotic in of itself.

If you had the option to never receive any dick pics again even if you knew for the fact that the next 3 you got would be pretty nice dicks, would you take the deal?

>im great at being horny
>but your penis is utterly unerotic

You might have a hormonal imbalance fembot

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the farting story

not him but yes, I'd rather just see it in person

Its there but its very small

So basically every piss feels like im passing kidney stones

Absolutely. Without a fucking doubt. Never ever show me a dick pic again and I'll die a happy woman.

No, dicks just 99.9% do not look sexy. At all.

this is now a cumming cocks thread

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No, you misunderstand. She'd be farting because she'd be completely lost in her own world. Her pussy and her asshole would be wide open and just heaving air while she kicks her feet and makes noises like a seizure.

welp the faggots arrived. pack it up people.

I just assumed that you were talking about his allegations, because that's what every feminist on twitter calls him.

"pig disgusting" is a /a/ thing but newfag

My dad used to come in my room in the middle of the night, tell me to strip, and just start beating off to me. He did this at least a hundred times. I never liked it, I just became indifferent.

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And no daddy issues? That's rare.

I would say this post was gross but men's degeneracy is just boring at this point.

I am a feminist, I'm not a twitter, and sure, harassers are disgusting, but the question was clearly about masturbation. Most rock stars are swimming in allegations, I still have a picture of young Robert Plant over my bed. Sex drives are amoral, user.

anyone else want to watch this fat ginger blow a load?
>I do.

Have you tried this to establish dominance

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Good good. You'll be blowing some lucky "cloud kisses" in no time then ;-)

In real life? No. In porn? Yes.
And it can be very hot.

Oh come on, if you're gonna try and gross me out, you gotta be more visceral than that.

Would you ever let a guy use makeup to paint a little face on your ass with lipstick on your asshole and then make out with it?

No cause I can tell then you'd just like it lol. Nice try though bro.

I should clarify that he wouldn't really "paint a little face" so much as just apply makeup to your ass as though it your face and then make out with it.

How do men even supposed to look sexy?

Besides when girls schlick it's not that sexy
It's the perversion or the facial expressions and moans that get us off

Oh come now user, don't you want to be daddy's fart slut? Breathe in those whey farts 'till your eyes water?

>when girls schlick it's not that sexy
Speak for yourself, I'm a girl and I think it's pretty sexy.

Kinda jealous at how some of these guys can practically shoot out a whole gallon at once desu

>"How are men supposed to be sexy? I mean, women do....facial expressions...and...uh...are in sexually perverted scenarios...men can't do that!"
Why are men this retarded?

>How old were you when you first watched a guy bate?
Probably 14 or 15 or so.
>How old was he?
Same age
>Did you know him?
Yes, boyfriend at the time.
>Ever let a guy cum onto you?
Yeah, though not until a lot later

>hairy underside
I-is this bad?

Can some of you complaining ass femoids tell us what kind dick pics you'd prefer then? Maybe try being part of a constructive solution for once?

No dick pics at all. Fuck right off with that shit unless someone specifically asks to see your cock. And even then better do it in person.

I'm not one that has been complaining, but personally, I'd say don't try putting on a show or anything.
I'd prefer seeing a guy just naturally enjoying himself.
Whether that's him intently beating his meat silently, or making a few grunts here or there.
Just something natural is better for me.

OK, so the next time I want to show my penis to a woman, I'll try to set it up so it's like I'm just out in the park or something, taking in the sun, and just sort of "enjoying myself" and moaning in the grass when she happens to stumble upon me.

I don't want dick because I'm a spinster with a washing machine, a vibrator and a set of fingers.

Most women don't care about penises provided they are repulsive outliers, mutilated beyond repair, etc. Most men are fine for most women. They just project their own obsession with dicks (and men are obsessed with dicks, the whole reason traps are popular with "straight" men is because they cannot emotionally connect to women) onto women. Size queens aren't real, they exist in the fantasies of men.

>constructive solution
Ah, so once again women have to deal with men's short comings. Anyway, you could learn basic female anatomy and read some basic how tos on oral sex and foreplay. The standards for men are lying down there in the Earth next to abnormal levels of iridium, so if you can do something as basic as lube your hands up before touching the clitoris you'll be leagues above most men. I masturbate over the clitoral hood because I'm very sensitive. I'd definitely ask whoever you're with.

>protecting a fat mexican jew

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There's a difference between sensual touching and intense schlicking

I'm sure women try to be sexy but it doesn't matter
I'm not sure how a female could masturbate and it not be arousing to most men unless it involved scat or prolapsed rectums

Make sure to get yourself all covered in peanut butter first. I hear women and dogs love that shit.

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yeah, watching guys get off is pretty hot.

>unless someone specifically asks to see your cock.
Read nigga.

>There's a difference between sensual touching and intense schlicking
Definitely but both is hot.

> Size queens aren't real, they exist in the fantasies of men.
So, as someone who doesn't even have a huge dick, you're telling me that this doesn't get you a little curious?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_fornix_erogenous_zone

You don't get a goose bump or two wondering what it would be like to wonder if some giant dick is even going to fit, but then he lodges himself in a secret spot deep behind your cervix resulting in "rapid lubrication and arousal?" Really? I mean it makes me want to date a midget.

Well first off dont send one if she doesnt ask/say yes.
And I think the good old 1st-person angle is the best. Dont do anything cheesy like try to make it look bigger by pressing down your fat pubic area. If you are uncut maybe pull the foreskin back partially or all the way.
Also, if your dick rests on your stomach when you lie down, you could do a from-above shot of your dick and stomach area.

hang yourself you dyke

There's kind of this thing I've been doing for all the dick pics I've been sending everyone where I make kinda like an "ok" sign, but around the base of my dick. Is that a good one? Have you seen it? One advantage is you can kind of "shake it out" a little and make it look bigger.

>some wacky voodoo doctor in the 80s postulated a new pleasure spot
>needs to get "behind" the cervix somehow
Hitting the cervix feels like getting stabbed in the gut so I'm pretty sure that guy is full of shit.
So no that doesn't get me curious at all.

Okay
But I'm guessing when females are alone they aren't necessarily sensually touching themselves
Yet it would be arousing for me to watch
Women don't have to really put any effort into being arousing

But it different the other way around? That's unfair

I mean depends what's sensual to you. I don't just rub myself raw in two minutes to be done with it. I like setting the mood a bit, going slow, touching my thighs and boobs and belly, maybe doing it in the bath, even setting some candles. It's a silly play and arguably pretty much a waste of time but it's fun to me.

But that's the discovery is that there's this secret part of your vagina that can only be discovered by a big dick. Like you'd be so scared he's about to hit your cervix, but then big dick magic would discover a new curve in your vagina. I've seen some really small pornstars taking some really big dicks. I'm just saying, even *I'm* pretty jealous I don't get to be involved in all that.

Depends, if you need to hold your dick to get the angle right thats fine. But in general when I see guys doing shit that is clearly meant to make their dick look a little bigger it is a turn off.

What magic exactly, slipping through my cervix without hurting? It makes no sense. This is all some dudes cock fantasy, as usually.

I loce how you probably masturbate at least once a day to pornography and insist that women catering to your sexual interests "doesn't matter". It's like if I listened to music all day everyday while insisting that it didn't matter if instruments were out of tune. Peak delusion.

And the truth is user, when wome aren't performing for you, our masturbation isn't very sexy.
>be me
>try to prop my phone against my face or double chin while angling my head so I can read fanfic while rubbing my clit under three layers of blankets.
>get horny
>roll over into a caccoon and gyrate into a pillow
>maybe say "oh" once at the end
>fall asleep
>snore
>leave vibrator, which sounds like a flurry of bees, on
>wake up to dead batteries and a numb cunt
If you watched me masturbate you'd be very bored because nothing is visible to the observer or lauging at my dumb expression as I drop my phone on my face.

The thing is, men are so used to women trying to be sexy that they actually think porn masturbation - where women spread eagle and are clearly visible - is representative of reality. Men are so delusional it's Kafkaesque.

I was already aware of this. I don't really enjoy penetration period, but thanks for the creeping visuals. Excellent work. I recommend waxing poetic about my feet next time.

Secondly, the distance between vaginal opening and cervix is anywhere between 3-7inches - aka well within the normal man's range.

And, of course, the whole thing is hypothetical and may not even be arousing. It might turn a chick on, you might end up hitting her cervix when you jackhammer her like an idiot.

>women don't have to out any effort into being arousing
God men are so detached from reality it's almost enviable.

So I'm guessing I should also nix the habit of taking pictures of my dick next to a smaller dick.

Whatever works for you
And I'd get off just watching you enjoy yourself
But women wouldn't enjoy me just jerking off even though that's all I need

It seems like if it were real and as magical as he claims it would be very hard to accomplish. The guy would need to have a fairly large dick and then you would have to be in the exact right position and angle so it can slide to the fornix without ramming the cervix accidentally every time. Sounds like more trouble than it is worth.

No it's not "slipping through" the cervix; the idea is your vagina makes some kind of tent thing and then that let's the right guy with the right dick stretch in this new way.

I mean I don't have to worry about getting anywhere close to anyone's cervix. I'm just not understanding how girls wouldn't get off to the idea that giant mutant dicks can unlock some kind of secret new orgasm.

did you jack him off too?
did he cum on you?

>If you watched me masturbate you'd be very bored
That's what you think

>as I drop my phone on my face
Kek way too close to home. I bought one of those small prop up thingies for my phone so I can read my fics while having both hands free for myself and not running danger of dropping it when my dumb ass starts twitching like a retard.

Women aren't as visual and guys aren't as sexy. Just how it be.

Sorry to say but that sounds so utterly unarousing to me. And like such a hassle too. "giant mutant dicks", good God user. You're actually making me go to sleep without shlicking, so at least that's a time saver.

I'll put it like this, if someone told me that some girls have these super narrow pussies that can form some kind of special form-fitting suction and start licking my balls or something, I'd be like yeah teach me about that.

Knowing that in 95% of the cases, the magic vagina would instead bite you in the balls?