Hi guys, I was cooking last night, making some chicken breasts. I had spilled some soda on my pants, so I was cooking without pants on. I was moving some trays around and I accidentally dropped a chicken breast on the floor. But it hit my penis before it hit the floor. This morning my penis seems like it is inflamed and the peehole hurts if I touch it. Is it possible I got salmonella poisoning?
Salmonella in penis?
Tyler Bailey
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Juan Walker
You fucked those chicken breasts didn’t you?
Andrew Brooks
You fucked the raw chicken, didn’t you?
Easton Campbell
you did
Brandon Thomas
sous-vide your chicken pussies before use you fucking amateur
Jaxson Wilson
No. Salmonella needs a mucus membrane like the instine to have and substantial effect, unless you're in Africa because those nogs have a fucking superstrain that can kill you from halfcourt
Nathaniel Stewart
did you just turn salmonella into an std
James Williams
Unironically, can you send pic of dick or atleast the chicken breast that came in contact?
Aiden Hernandez
Just admit you fucked the chicken
Carson Rodriguez
chicken fucker
Robert Fisher
This is the reason I put up with the autism from this mongolian basket weaving forum
hearty kek
Hunter Jones
Wow. Is this still considered titty-fucking?
Evan Garcia
>kill you from halfcourt
Charles Flores
oh, lord, help me baby jeebus. someone actually tried the /b/lueprints for the pocket pussy made out of a cardboard milk carton and two chicken breasts!
>doesn't know that version 2.0 subbed in beef liver
Angel Scott
one has fornicated with poultry meat?
Alexander Roberts
Tbh probably the strains of common stuff like salmonella, flu, etc in Africa will be pretty much nothing compared to what we get in places like the US and China, given the antibiotics pumped into livestock and people
Nathan Turner
Jesus why even like that hard
It's an anonymous board
Dominic Green
Ian Hall
This is why I stick around this Tibetan bee hunting forum
Liam Powell
The only cure is 11 secret herbs and spices.
Parker Lee
Adam Morales
Cheese man how desperate do you have to be to fuck a chicken you disgusting fertile incel
Aiden Sullivan
guys i had a pan on the stove heating up olive oil while i thawed some meat in the microwave. the microwave beeped and i quickly turned to get the meat out, i was naked, and my penis swung into the air and landed in the hot oil. i had the meat in my hands and it took like 45 seconds for me to react, when i went to pull my penis out of the sizzling oil some oil got on my hands, i slipped and just kinda flipped my penis over and the side that had not been burnt was now burning. at this moment, my toaster popped out some toast and it took me another 45 seconds to get the toast out and when i finally got my penis out of the pan it was cooked all the way through so i took a knife, cut it off and ate it . its been like 2 weeks how long does it take to grow back i have to take a physical for the army next week my dad is gonna kill me if they dont let me enlist and follow in his footsteps and his father before him
Parker Jones
>No. Salmonella needs a mucus membrane
What do you think the surface of your glans or the inside of your peehole are?
Liam Perry
what did you do with it after you fucked it....
Hudson Watson
How will it get under the foreskin it's literally covering the whole glans and closes afterwards almost completely... Unless he pulled it back like a retard while cooking it should be fine
David Torres
The one right on is the one that came in contact with my penis as it was falling
Brandon Parker
Post it
Leo Thompson
Hudson Brown
He's probably an amerimutt and therefore (((circumcised)))
Owen Gomez
Time of post + "last night" and "this morning" makes it seem like he might not be amerimutt? but maybe he's an arap or Jew something
If he's cut he wouldn't have a mucous membrane for the salmonella cause it's all dried up lol
Chase Robinson
I'm a syrup sucker and it's 6am right now. Maybe OP had to make this early morning post on Jow Forums.
Whatever though lol. I wanna see a timestamp
Sebastian Phillips
Kek. Truly an unfortunate turn of events.
Adam Hernandez
Does fucking chicken breasts count as bestiality? You might be in trouble, my friend.
Juan Peterson
>user has no mucus membrane in his peehole.
Holy shit you have reached levels of retardation that did not previously exist.
Colton Diaz
I don't know matey he posted on 6AM
Hunter Moore
>How will it get under the foreskin it's literally covering the whole glans
>Unless he pulled it back like a retard while cooking
He obviously fucked the chicken breast.
Isaiah Flores
nigga you aint foolin anyone thats literally a makeshift fleshlight
Nolan Williams
Jordan Long
this board is fucking gay
Ayden Adams
>closes afterwards almost completely
Mine doesn't.
Hudson Richardson
Bentley Taylor
Not gonna lie I'm probably gonna try this
Charles Lewis
this whole thread seems very artificial and preplanned somehow
David Howard
The number of faggoty brainlets getting baited in this thread...
The absolute fucking state of this board.
Ayden Murphy
I fucked a banana peel once. I got a really bad case of potassium and when the doctor asked what I was doing I said that it just fell on my penis and peeled itself. It was a hot young redhead doctor btw haha she didn't look convinced if you catch my drift. I just fucked a bana peel for God's sakes hahaha
Anthony Brooks
Well that's one way to pulverize your meat before you cook it. Buy an onahole retard.
Connor Torres
Prtnoy's Complaint: Jow Forums edit.
Bentley Green
Add me in the screen cap
Adrian Cook
It's a UTI, you just need some antibiotics and you'll be fine. Go to your PCP and let him/her that you think you have a UTI. It will probably hurt to pee for a while, and you may have some discharge.
Jason Bennett
fucking europoor
Gavin Ramirez
Jack Clark
nobody screencap this thread
Nathan Lewis
I haven't read that because goodbye Columbus wasn't great
Matthew Murphy
At least you fucked two chicks
Zachary Morgan
Poor unmutilated cocks
Brandon Lewis
>Jow Forums episode 4:
>user gets laid
Joshua Phillips
That's a little too fucking close to necrophilic beastiality
Elijah James
severely underrated
Parker Rogers
I realize this shit is fake but fuck Jow Forums how you come up with this
David Murphy
he probably american
Connor Ward
I love this board sometimes
Kayden Nguyen
Eli Wright
Unironically want to try this now. How would it feel?
Redpill me on fucking chicken breasts
Henry Baker
Did you at least get some "extra protein"
Nicholas Cox
Someone put me in the screen cap
Blake Rodriguez
Cutfag here. The fact my membrane no longer functions honestly makes me depressed.
Leo Hill
I once cut a hole in the middle of my roomates mattress filled it with ground beef and fucked it.
Dick was all kinds of fucked up. Never again.
Luke Bell
So which came first, the chicken or OP?
Jayden Gomez
did you eat the chicken after you fucked it?
Caleb Lopez
Anthony Roberts
Is... is that a peehole on the one on the left?
Andrew Cooper
Jayden Turner
Wh...
Noah Allen
Cameron Cook
Sebastian Collins
Leo Ramirez
you silly motherfucker
Charles Taylor
no, right now it's fucking chicken breasts
Luke Morales
This. Samefag galore.
40% of the replies are from OP.
Isaiah Walker
Yet another downside to male genital mutilation.
Hudson Sanchez
At least cook it before you raw dog it.
Ian Powell
Yo what the fuck
Christian Sanchez
remember that fag that fucked a cold turkey on Jow Forums?