Who else /bulimia/ here? someone please help me out of this hell...

i'm not under the impression what i'm doing is healthy, i know as much about nutrition and fitness as anyone else. just knowing doesn't help with a pathological compulsion. also food does initiate a physical pleasure response just like drugs, which is especially intense when you deprive yourself of it for long periods of time. i know im only making it worse by perpetuating the cycle but eating normally after a binge is scary

It's body dysmorphia which i've had so I feel confident in saying they're retarded.

I know I was, Setting unrealistic expectations and then not achieving them is a furious loop of self hate and unhealthy choices.

I now agree with what you were saying but the way you were saying made it seem like you were being hostile. Ty for the response

Bulimia is almost always an obsessive comulsive disorder of some kind. But at the heart of bulimia is shame. You probably deal with toxic shame because you are 1. identified with unreliable and shame-based models of defining your self concept/esteem, 2. dealing with the trauma of abandonment from your present or past, and the binding of feelings, needs and
drives with shame 3. Created interconnection of shameful memory imprints which have formed collages of shame which you add to whenever you encounter something that resonates with your shame.

For example of your thought pattern see how the image attached applies to your pattern of guilt and shame and how it applies to your body dismorphic disorder and bulimia

Attached: Perpetuation of shame.jpg (175x287, 8K)

shitty image in last post. Heres a better one

Attached: perpetuation of shame.png (642x1084, 171K)

In this diagram the thing you need outside yourself is a perfect body, so you obsess on your addiction to purging yourself and alter you mood by soothing the pain of your selfconcept by performing the ritual, by acting it out. This leads to remorse and shame... and you get the rest

>i have this freakish body that looks skinny and fat and muscular all at once
your body is out of wack since you keep puking. i was bulimic for a few years and i feel pity for you because it truly is hell. if you have somebody in your life who loves you tell them. you can make your own support group

>i was bulimic
how did you break the cycle and start to recover?

now to heal what I would think essentially lives at the bottom of the issue, you need to heal your sense of toxic shame, and replace it with healthy shame. Healthy shame is the foundation for happiness, it is what gives us permission to be human. It says "I am limited, I need help" which is true by nature of being human.

Attached: the pelican.png (720x699, 251K)

i came out to my parents who helped me get back on track. it was pretty miserable at first force eating and feeling bloated all the time. relapsed quite a bit secretly but i knew that life wasnt worth living as a slave to a shitty mental illness. i kept at it and started working out again to get in shape. took months but i felt fine eating and was in better shape than ever before. my parents were key in this, they never stopped supporting me and telling me they loved me which made me cry at how shitty i felt about myself but helped me learn to love as well. loving yourself can be hard if you have body dysmorphia or bulimia but its incredible

So you need to learn to differentiate between toxic shame and healthy shame. A good book for that is healing the shame that binds you by john bradshaw. You you can look up resources on google that are more specific to your issue. And of course there are 1 million online counsling services available online that are just as good if not better than person to person counseling, (not talking about betterhelp.com or whatever) If you want a recommendation let me know. Good luck though bud, I know bdd is exteremly difficult and I wish you luck in dealing with it. Reaching out can save your life, so dont let shame prevent you from doing that too. be well

thanks fellas, considering talking to my parents about it now. i don't think they would really understand but they're the kind of people who can be supportive even if they don't get it

its a serious issue man. You can literally die from it and I'm sure they dont want that. you deserve to be taken seriously with this issues and if they wont respect that dont let that stop you from getting help. You have to love you more than anyone else fren. Especially if others wont

good luck op. i know how hard it can be to open up and telling such a dirty secret but stop feeling that way and stop feeling that you are dirty somehow for doing this. its all love from here on man, i sincerely wish you can quit purging

checked frendoli

Bump want to read before I respond

This basically what I did but I was a fuckwit about it and just told them that I struggled with bulimia in the past, (was still struggling) and basically stopped purging cold turkey, but kept binging. I slipped up a couple times and relapsed and gained a lot of weight (basically 20% of my normal body weight) from all the binging but because I couldn't purge I binged less often and once I hit my highest weight I stopped binging. I still struggle with old behaviors and still relapse but it's many months in between purges instead of hours or minutes like it used to be. I really urge you to tell your parents, OP, and be completely honest and open about it and let them know what exactly to look for. This really will consume your life if you let it. It takes everything, your health, your finances, your relationships, your dignity. Everything.