10 chimps vs 30 UFC fighters

looks like they chewed away the part of your brain that allows you to express yourself clearly

>implying anything beyond 3/4 meaning 3 or 4 was unclear
nice try sweetie pie

you will dream of a chimp chewing your dick tonight

>shin chan vs gorilla

As funny as Joe rogan is it is unfortunate that retards take him as gospel

who do you see taking him as gospel?

yeah Chimps aren't gorillas
They're viscious and know what areas to attack but a UFC fighter would kick its chin into the ground.
regular dude no way though. If an agressive chimp jumps you and you don't know what to do you fucking lose 100%. Most average dudes don't know how to throw a straight punch let alone grapple a chimp who's aiming for your dick

Why do people talk about monkeys like they're tough shit?
Chimpanzee doesn't have nearly the fighting experience as a UFC fighter.
You think a chimp would be able to block a quick kick from the side or jab in the face?

Everyone on Jow Forums and normies IRL thinking an 80lb chimp can beat a 180lb ufc fighter

Depends on their weight class. I'd say the chimps would win decisively if the fighters are lightweight or less, with some heavy casualties on their side.

A decisive win on the fighter's part would only be accomplished by LHW or more, anything less than that and only a few fighters remain standing.
Chimps play dirty man, there are many accounts of them biting/ripping off digits, testicles, ears... mma training doesn't really prepare you for that type of pain

>grapple a chimp who's aiming for your dick
then just aim for the chimp's dick too

> implying it would incapacitate the chimp.
Have you ever heard of the term chimp out? It's a real thing my man. My friend is a zookeeper and he said countless of times he'd prefer to be thrown in with big cats than with chimps.

yeah while these dudes are right that the strength of chimps is overhyped, their tenacity and viciousness is definitely not. You would have to seriously injure them to make them stop attacking you. Doubt they get knocked out as easily as humans.

i understand him, i would also prefer to live in a white neighborhood as my chances of getting murdered is lower

it can

An 80lb animal with the strength of a 120 lb man getting kicked by a professional fighter in the head will be knocked out

When fighters go for head kicks, the only reason they aren't KO's is that they are kicking fighters that can block or avoid the kick. A chimp has never had to deal with that, and is going to get hit, and either knocked out, or dazed and kicked again. They are vicious, and of they grappled then their explosive power and rip and tear mindset would be horrible, but it's unlikely to get to that point. 1v1 a fighter has the edge unless he's a dyel, 3v1 this isn't a contest

youtube.com/watch?v=wgS0KgT5APc

chimps scare the everloving christ out of me.

>a pair of low IQ (necessary to own a chimp pet) senior women get mauled
>WOW IM SO SCARED
>GUYS THIS IS PROOF CHIMPS ARE KILLING MACHINES
lmfao

>"U mad wite boy?"

>chimp living with humans all his live
>basically sedentary
>still stronger than any human male
>on Xanax
>rips humans face to absolute shreds
>takes multiple bullets before going down

now imagine how much worse a wild alpha would be

look at him, sitting there like a fat king

Attached: Travis.jpg (620x465, 48K)

>still stronger than any human male
Where are the proofs?

he had the same dentist as boogie btw

>still stronger than any human Male
Its like people dont even read the threads they post in
google.ca/amp/s/www.newscientist.com/article/2138714-chimps-are-not-as-superhumanly-strong-as-we-thought-they-were/amp/
>1.5 times as strong lb for lb
And a lot smaller.

The chimps.
they'll tear your limbs apart and maul your face. they don't give a fuck. once the fighters see the first dude get his face torn apart, the others would try to escape.

I'll maul the chimps' faces off. It wouldn't be the first time.

What joe rogan watches all day

Aw fuck not again

Could he beat up a silverback gorilla?

Attached: Hafþór_Júlíus_Björnsson.jpg (683x1024, 84K)

>they'll tear your limbs apart.
Chimps are smaller than average people with average strength and low intellect. They have every disadvantage against stronger than average people trained to fight

Chris and Veronica look cute in that pic

Why shin chan

chimps no question about it

Attached: catmet.jpg (960x960, 63K)

it's called a vet

no chimps are really strong, much more than the average person (especially grip strength) and their low intellect means they're much more savage.

because chimps aren't doing martial arts lmao
they just rip and tear

no ofc not, have you seen a fucking gorilla ? even if it were close on a physical level he would just bite his arm off.

>google.ca/amp/s/www.newscientist.com/article/2138714-chimps-are-not-as-superhumanly-strong-as-we-thought-they-were/amp/
Saying that doesnt make it true

but muh technique

>weaker than a trained man
>not knowing martial arts makes them better fighters
Groundbreaking stuff

What?

> A creature with maybe a 1.5 strength buff can overtake a 100 lbs weight difference
No

>ufc fighter tries to fight chimp
>Chimp lunges at UFC fighter
>Ufc fight tries to stuff the take down
>Chimp just bites his leg and crushes his balls
>Ufc fighter cries about "the rules" as the chimp eats his lips and pokes out his eyes

>1.5 strength buff compared to the average male

so weaker than someone who went to the gym for a year. wow such strength...

The woman who got her face ripped off survived

Imagine having a great ape as a bf I'm sweating

Being held by his strong arms

Just aminge going to the restroom and suddenly a thug is trying to get in your pants and you scream BUBBA HELP and you hear a roar and the thug turns around to see bubba towering over him and snap him in to

Attached: tumblr_om4ybat9qh1uvv5gho2_500.jpg (500x371, 24K)

fake news, here's how that would actually go

Attached: Untitled.png (1734x3610, 218K)

Or
>ufc fighter usss his 100lb advantage, plus his reach and raw strength advantage, to kick the dumb animal in the skull and kill it.
If biting and ball crushing were better than martial arts then martial arts would have never been invented. This isn't a gorilla with a massive size and strength advantage, a chimp is smaller and weaker than a trained human male

he had the same vet as boogie btw

it's summer

this but more brutal and in frame 1 the Gorilla would snap you

>Implying crushing someones balls isn't effective

Just stop what you're doing and simply imagine, IMAGINE, being this absolutely and utterly retarded. Just think of how it would feel to barely be able to put a sentence together. Wow. You've opened my eyes to the abyss

Wierd that there aren't more martial arts focused on crushing balls. Could it be that it's a small target and difficult to do, and that getting kicked in the skull and knocked out or killed before you reach their balls is a disadvantage in a fight?

A chimp is equivalent, after factoring it's strength, to about a 150lb hobo wacked out on meth. If you'd put money on said hobo over a trained ufc fighter than sure put your money on the chimp.

discord.gg/mYJRYP

Not a fucking chance. Maybe a chimp. But no 450 lb gorilla.

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How do ignore the entire point of my post if it's literally less than 30 words

how peaceful are chimps/apes bros?
do they instantly attack you and rape you or are they shill? they seem bretty smart

A chimp will rip your face off if you don't give him food.

Gorillas are chill as you long you don't actively fuck with them though.

Probably won't hurt you unless you do something to put them on edge, in which case they'll probably fuck you. Manlet chimps are worse than gorillas, gorillas are usually bluff ing to scare you off when they charge, chimps go straight to the balls

Chimps are the niggers of apes, the rest are reasonably chill and predictable. In terms of chillness it goes like this

Orangutans > Gorillas > Gibbons > those things that are basically chimps except they have lots of sex to quench their bloodthirst > Chimps

Attached: source.jpg (331x167, 6K)

Nah man. People say don't feed chimps because if they get used to it, and someone doesn't have food, they'll take that as a sign of defiance.

They'll even attack if you give another chimp food but not them.

I'd argue orangs are worse than gorillas. I saw one hold a lady hostage for food. It was a female though.

youtube.com/watch?v=-RsocUI0-fA

Yeah I saw that a while back, in my mind it's the exception that proves the rule and may have even been a bluff for all we know.

Also search "orangutan soap" on youtube and tell me these aren't the best hairybois.

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I've seen that. But the hostage makes me trust them less. Gorillas never attack unless you pound you chest at them directly.

Koko and michael demonstrate how chill gorillas are. As well as harambe and jambo. Neither wanted to harm the children who fell in their enclosure.

youtube.com/watch?v=hfNc3IjDrGU
youtube.com/watch?v=48kJYvKaTIo

Gorilla's are definitely chill too all things considered, yeah.

Gorillas don't try to fuck with people so long as you don't do anything sketchy like get near their young or get move to fast around them.

Chimps, while they usually won't attack on sight, are dangerous because they're unpredictable. They can be sitting in your lap hanging off of you, and then just decide to attack.

There was a woman in the U.S. who had a pet chimp that randomly attacked a friend of hers. They think it may have been because she cut her hair so the chimp didn't recognize her. It bit her fingers off and chewed her face to the point of extreme deformation.

Pic related is the victim before and after the attack.

Attached: 1.jpg (320x320, 21K)

To add to this, chimp attacks are scary because of the ways they'll maul you. We're close enough to them for them to know our weakspots, which means they'll intentionally go straight to gouging out the eyes, biting off fingers, noses, and ears, and beating the head with their hands.

For men, if attacked by a male chimp, they'll sometimes attempt to bite or rip the genitals off.

i.imgur.com/8VCE2nc.png

That would never happen to a male human chad. Chimps are just manlets, a 200 pound
man would bully them fuckers

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Are chimp owners the final evolution of pitmommys?

I saw a an article showing the claim that chimps are 8x stronger than humans is bullshit, and they're only about 2x stronger
and that's p4p, so considering they're manlets they're probably not that strong
most of the people who die from chimp attacks are weak old women and shit
I honestly could to take on a chimpanzee
hell probably two on a good day
I deadlift 400lb and I weigh 240lb so I'm way stronger than a chimpanzee, also I train MMA so I could probably grab the fucker's neck and choke the fuck out of him
and with his small skull one right hook of mine would pulverize his little chimp brain

Attached: typical chimp attack victim.jpg (276x183, 7K)

>posts this when people are talking about chimps ripping off faces and dicks
yeah I'm not opening that.

Attached: scared (4).png (1019x881, 1.02M)

> If you are a healthy man who's above 6' tall and you work out even a few times a week and have little to no fighting experience you could take down a monkey no problem,

Absolutely incorrect
People used to fight chimps for fun
They never last a full minute

Quote:
At his friends’ urging, he signed up, and (after presumably signing a legal waiver) was scheduled to be the chimp’s first opponent. When he arrived the grandstand was packed, and his friends were there to cheer for him. He said his opponent was no more than four feet tall and, being a big, athletic guy who could fight, he felt he had a chance if he could knock the chimp out with a hard right cross to its head, and then count his money to the 3 round limit. When the fight started, Gary said he landed his punch to the nose, but that the chimp wasn’t even fazed. In response, it proceeded to “beat the shit out of [him]” until it was pulled off by its handlers. He said the fight didn’t even last 15 seconds and afterward he was so sore that he could barely walk. Gary said that of over 20 men who signed up most withdrew after watching the first couple of bouts, and that none of the others lasted more than a few seconds. He also mentioned that some of the participants required medical attention.

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>quote
>doesnt post source
>some dude who's probably done boxing let alone kickboxing
I'm going to call bullshit

>chimps are evil psychopath killers and I hate them!!!
Gorillas are only more passive because they know you can't really hurt them. Chimps are smaller and alot lighter than a man. That and they aren't much faster in the long run. In fight or flight, attacking is the logical decision.

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What are you gonna do when it grabs your arm and starts biting your fingers off?

beat the shit out of him with my free arm and start biting his fucking fingers and gouging his eyes out, kick him in the balls, show my fist up his ass anything to send him into shock. i would fucking jump on him and start eating his face while he's still alive while pummeling him with my fists/fisting him. no rules. only survival.

Kick him in the head first and then stomp him to death if that doesnt knock him out, because it WILL knock him down.

lmao this is hhilarious

>knocking a chimp out
See

that's fucking terrifying

Chimps are not squishy like we are. Their skull is thick and brains are relatively small. Their head is not a weak point, punching or kicking it would be like striking a rock, you'd most likely just break your hand/foot. Probably a moot point anyways since it would be on you quicker than you could respond approaching low, swiftly biting off your hands feet and genitals before making a meal of your face. THen disinterestedly playing around in your blood as your detached windpipe burbles something vaguely resembling a scream

How much testosterone do chimps have compared to the average healthy male?

Their nuts are nearly as big as their brains, so use that as an estimate.

Using ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/867446
A testosterone conversion calculator and
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/867446

It looks like the average adult chimpanzee has about 3-5 times the upper male limit of testosterone. That's the same as a pro bodybuilder.

Or 339ng/ml

What the hell

Hey Jow Forums what's up. First of all lemme say loving this thread, really kekking my dick here.

I'll just leave this here and watch the fireworks.

To reiterate, this is a SUMO WRESTLER against a FEMALE orangutang

youtube.com/watch?v=YFMpWm6ECgQ

It's like 100lbs