i constantly feel like a machine within my own body, never in control of what i am or what i think. i feel sort of trapped within my own thoughts most of the time and all of my friends and potential gfs i try to make end up treating me like a victim or i end up getting too anxious to maintain the relationship so i burn the bridge and just leave.
anyone done CBT as well? i've been trying it but it doesn't seem that effective, nor does it really feel like i'm trying hard enough. otherwise, i wouldn't be so anxious all the time, right? when do you know when you make progress? when do you understand that your thoughts aren't real? or maybe they are, but they don't have control like you think they do?
fuck i just needed to say something anonymously, have a good day guys. i hope if you do have a mental illness that you try and seek help for it because you deserve it, no matter what happened in your life
what are your rituals? what do you spend your time doing most of the day?
Lucas Williams
I have ASPD, can never seem to relate or connect with anyone. The never ending boredom can only be cured with thrills. Ever since my first day of school I've been observing other people and mimicking the most effective behaviors. Being human just comes naturally to everyone else
Ayden Sullivan
nice quads seriously though, i feel so anxious about being exploited or judged that i have to keep picking people apart and figuring out what exactly to say to them as to not get them offended or anything
the whole "people pleasing" thing has been a horrible habit all my life and recently i've been trying to adopt a "whatever" attitude with what i'm doing but it nearly seems impossible at this point
here's hoping the cbt works well, and i hope you end up getting better somehow user.
Carter Long
i totally get that. mine are sort of the same. i don't like the thoughts i have so i try to block them out, but they always come back stronger than before.
you ever heard of the white bear experiment? if you haven't, just try really hard not to think of a polar bear, or any kind of bear. you'll find that it becomes harder to push thoughts away when you're actively trying to do so. i believe it's one of the main components of OCD, and i have been working nonstop to compare my thoughts to that stupid little polar bear. i know it sounds totally dumb, but if that's how the mind works then i want to take advantage of that and fix things
but yeah, the pure obsessions and no compulsions is def something i've seen before with my old friends. i thought i had pure OCD but i identified a few compulsions that really make me feel better about my standing with the world, so it's just social anxiety mixed with OCD. totally stupid.
have you been to therapy yet? just curious.
Evan Sullivan
anyone with dissociative disorder here? mine is really strong and came from a bad childhood trauma.
i constantly feel like my senses are shrouded by a fog, i feel like i am nothing but a small pulsating consciousness behind a set of eyes and ears. i do not know if my actions are truly my own, they are simply aligned with a general consensus of what i should do within me. all the people in my life are there and then they are gone. the only person who i feel is real is my mother who lives inside my head, she usually provides general advice for my life and gaslights me when i'm angry about my loneliness.
it is also impossible for me to remember anything from my past, it's not even shrouded by fog. it's just not there.
Jayden Sullivan
honestly, my knowledge of DID is quite limited, i'll be honest with you. i've had some problems with dissociation and stuff, for example my memories being trapped in a fog, hard to remember other things, detached from reality, what have you
are you seeing a therapist? if not, i would definitely try to do so if you can afford it. if not, there's some free resources you can use online. let me know if you want em.
Gabriel Lopez
i'm not seeing a therapist currently, i used to but they didn't help me much since i already know enough about my own state.
it is my burden to carry alone.
Kevin Torres
i'll be blunt with you- thinking of hurting people is one thing, and feeling bad about it is a pure sign of OCD. i would still be concerned and i would totally see that psychiatrist, because i think everyone has thoughts of hurting people at least once in their life. hell, i've had thoughts of shooting people who were looking at me because i didn't want them to. but those thoughts created great discomfort for me and that aggravates my OCD.
if you take great discomfort in what you're thinking, it would be a great idea to talk to a therapist.
i wish you the best of luck user. i'm sorry you have to deal with what you are but i know you can pull through.
Christian Cook
okay, i can understand that. taking ownership of your life and your condition is one way to cope with your feelings.
it might help to see a therapist that specializes in DID. i used to see one for what i thought was just post breakup stress and anxiety at the time, but she ended up making my issues a little worse due to the fact that she victimized me and fed into my validation compulsion.
my current therapist does not do that, but he does pick my thoughts apart just like i do, except from a different perspective. it's really helpful, for sure.
if you've firmly decided though, i don't want to get in the way of that. i hope things get easier for you though.
Asher Perez
Thanks for the emapthy user. And yes im defenetly going to that psychiatry. Personally i hope that things one day will become unfucked again and i can enjoy my life again and start working to a goal. Mass murder suicide is for me just a form of commiting suicide as a relief from my mental suffering and a revenge towards society for causing me these troubles since i hav been treated like shit by a lot of people but i would much rather leave that behind and move on but i cant cuz of my hell called ocd.
Jace Gomez
I suffer from ASPD with borderline traits according to my medical records.
Hunter Jenkins
I'm exactly the same!!! I've looked online and there isn't much information on this. I don't know what to do. There is barely any research on dissociation. I just want to be normal again. I have gone to a doctor and he's completely fucking useless. He doesn't know shit about it himself. There is no way out. Someone please help me.
Matthew Diaz
why the fuck did jannies delete half the posts here? all of which were completely inoffensive???? wth
Jaxon Russell
There have only 3 posts been deleted not that much also why do you care and whos "jannies" btw?
Robert Gonzalez
yeah man, of course. not enough people are empathetic towards people with mental illness. i totally understand that the thoughts of the MMS are a form of trying to protect yourself from your experiences.
Just know this- I don't hate you or look down on you for what you are. I know that today you can work towards a small goal and keep going from there. Maybe take today and brush your teeth, or take a quick shower. Something small. Treat yourself, user.
Justin Collins
Jow Forums janitors. They clean posts that are deemed offensive.
Personally, i don't think they did anything- i think that people have a lot of shame from their illnesses and therefore delete their posts because they don't want people to see or know anything. i get it- i've done the same. but now i'm just totally tired of being a slave to my feelings. it's time to get out of this shit.
Caleb Murphy
>ocd Get a real disease faggot. Consider yourself lucky
Brayden Nelson
you know man, i appreciate that. thanks. i am pretty lucky to have what i have. i never said i was better than anyone else, nor am i better than anyone else here.
is there something you'd like to talk about?
hope you have a good day.
Gabriel Russell
I suffer from psychosis and depression . Been sectioned twice now. Second round of psychosis was worse than first as I got kicked out of my parents and put into a shitty flat alone away from everyone. Literally just wake up, watch YouTube, order food (from new benefits I get), eat, go to bed, repeat.
I'm losing my sanity and hair slowly each day
Justin Bennett
>Get a real desease faggot Dude you tealise that some people have such a severe ovd that they sit still in a chair for 10 hours doing nothing cuz their mental compulsions hamper them from doing any other thinking and so alse any other action.
Lincoln Walker
Yeah. One of my rituals directly affects my sleep making me feel tired all the fucking day. I am an INTP, i am a poor third worlder and i look like shit so mix all of that and you have the recipe for eternal maximum unpierceable virginity shield. Just talking abput this shit makes me feel anxious. Have a good day OP.
Well i have indeed deleted my own post cuz of that not the jannies so dont be angry.
Christopher Richardson
hey dude, i'm really sorry you're having a rough time with the OCD and the anxiety. i get what that feels like, the shame and the fear of talking about what makes you tic.
i hope you have a good day too. if you can, maybe try something really small but new today. maybe taking a walk or journaling or something. hope you end up feeling better man. take it easy.
Logan Morris
that's totally fine. there's a lot of stigma around mental illness and a ton of toxic shame. it's horrible. here though, i think we can all agree that it's a mainly judgment free zone, for the most part.
all i can really do is hope the best for you all, regardless of what you're dealing with
John Price
You are so cool user! i indeed was planning on start playing my new electric guitar i bought myself and that was supossed to arrive today but the post office it's closed due to a shitty poor dirty ass carnival here. Got delayed yesterday and i thought today it would open but no shit got delayed again. Take care bro.
Thanks man, i hope whatever it is that you re dealing it will get better too. However that been said i do however disagree that this board is an non judgemental envirent around mental illness. The toxic shaming is abcent indeed but still it often is that people are highly unempathic and offensive around others misery here.
Nathan Robinson
well thanks, much appreciated!
that's awesome, electric guitar is something i've always wanted to play. i'm a drummer and an electronic musician, and that's definitely been something that has helped with my feelings
Angel Myers
I like that you've noticed that. It shows to me that you're observant of a situation enough to know the types of feelings and people you're exposed to.
a lot of the people in this thread have been respectful to me and it seems to you, but of course there will always be disrespect and offensive people no matter where you go.
i have to be honest with you. if you notice a toxic situation, i would definitely question why you're in it. that's the first step to change, acknowledging that you're in it to begin with.
take care man. i really appreciate talking to people and getting their views on life. brings a certain humanity to perception.
Cameron Johnson
>when do you understand that your thoughts aren't real? or maybe they are, but they don't have control like you think they do? Don't even get me started, I may not have OCD but when my psychosis plays up I have all types of fucked up thoughts. Most recent was thinking I'm already dead stuck in limbo through a simulation or that everyone is messing with my head and can read my thoughts, other times I'm just disconnected from reality. I know some people from this board like to associate themselves with mental illness because they want to feel different, but it's really not something you want to have. I'd rather be a normalfag then go through this shit
Jacob Smith
Well this thread indeedseems to be one of the few were ppl seem to be okay and you can talk about your issues. Also your dam right about avoiding or leaving toxic situations.
Evan Hall
>tfw doc prescribed new meds i hope it will work because they're expensive ones.
Eli Price
i was actually having a bad morning, but im feeling a little better now even if im only pretending. I didnt mean to offend, im just jealous. Ive got fuckin autism, schizotypal, bi-polar 1-psychosis, anxiety, PTSD, and paranoid delusions with some symptoms of ADD and depression. I would literally kill myself if i could be reborn with just OCD. I would literally kill myself anyway since based on my brain im 90% predisposed to doing it anyway.
And my days are never really "good". some are just less bad than the others. Whats worse is that due to the autism im hyperaware of when im being a schizo or autstic so i get self conscious about it and my tongue and hands stop working and i twitch like a retard. And that feels twice as bad when im derealized or depersonalized.
