Post the most moronic fitness "advice" you've heard from friends and family. I'll start:

You forgot to greentext you newfag

>"Lifting won't make you lose fat!"
Technically this IS true. If you eat at a caloric surplus, you won't really lose fat.

>"Don't lift too hard, or you might get a brain injury!"
If you OHP a weight you can't handle, it might fall on your head and you may get a brain injury.

>"You don't need protein, all you need is oats and potatoes and some light exercise!"
It has been proven by many studies that daily protein amount cited in popular fitness (and the sticky as well) is greatly overexaggerated and you can make do with a significantly smaller amount.

>"Machines are all you need"
Are all you need for what? For general health to some extent? Sure, it will make a difference if you *DON'T* workout at all or if you just do machines.

OP stop being a special snowflake.

>Lifting isn't hard, because you are not moving a lot
>You don't need more than the recommended calories per day

Lifting for a great body, means in the end great health. No offense to your sister, but maybe she start working out before she gets a blood clot.

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I know you're a faggot, but this:
>If you OHP a weight you can't handle, it might fall on your head and you may get a brain injury
Is just the most retarded thing ever, don't go over your limit and stick to a goddamn program. Christ, I thought this was Jow Forums - fitness not daycare simulator 2019

they compress the spine you know

>"Drinking a bear post workout is good for you, they have essential minerals. But it has to be a craft beer."

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lol that's rad

srsly though, if I only could stop drinking beer I'd probably have "made it" by now (~13% bf rn), it helps me relax too much after work or on weekends and I basically can't play vidya without beer

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>Newfag can't greentext

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Lifting and exercise in general does not burn that many calories. Weight/fat loss comes from diet. You can't outtrain a shitty diet.

which two, retard?

When I was flirting with the idea of joining the military.
>Oh I know what you gotta do to join the army. All you gotta do is 30 push ups and jog half a mile every day. You're a big guy, you can do that.

Either way was wasting my time with the idea and decided against it after seeing the organisation of the air force.

That doesn't sound that bad heh. I had the same dreamful idea and my mother went "user, DONT YOU KNOW THEY PULL YOU THROUGH TRENCHES, and you will GET LUNG DISEASE, and they will break your back. WAR YOU WILL GET SENT TO WAR AND WAR CRIMES AND PTSD". Always the constant fear mongering, fuck boomers.

>Those are just fake muscles. Try work outside instead. You're vane.

Funny thing is i do manual labour. Thanks for the wise words Mum.

Thing was I was a dual national aiming at joining either Royal Marines or airforce special forces job. I had my dad boomer pushing me to always go away from what I wanted to do and do something else and then in the end I just said fuck it because i knew i'd end up absolutely miserable otherwise.

havent seen cousin and his side of the family for 3 years and ive gotten a lot bigger. the retards held an intervention for me after they were convinced i was on gym drugs after my aunt saw me use creatine
>i saw that white powder omg steroids are bad for you user you need help.

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God you're retarded

>protein powders give you kidney disease
and
>cold exposure activates your fat storing instinct

>Don't take that ECA stack stuff, you don't know what's in it!

Like sure on one hand, I might not be able to trust my sources, but on the other I know exactly what's in it.

>Go through stints where I quit alcohol and eat 100% clean and train hard as fuck
>Women start mirin hard, walk around feeling like a king
>Inevitably go back to the liquid jew because I live in bumfuck Montana where there is fuck all to do and I deal with constant peer pressure from bros of "C'mon man, just one beer."
Still have a better than average build and am overall happy but the fact that know I am the only thing holding myself back makes it hurt so much more.

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I can't believe people who go "omg, are you trying to be bodybuilder" when you use protein shakes. Like come on, man, it is only 6 scoops.

The spirit of Rich is strong in you

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are you me

I am on keto now, really the only thing stopping me from SMASHING a 6 pack of beer RN. Was playing with the idea to buy some vodka just to get drunk, but I know I shouldn't. Fucking alcohol.

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>greentext means nothing
>you're still a faggot

>working out in the gym will make you look fake and unnatural like a bodybuilder, its better to run in the woods because that makes you look burly and manly

my mom actually thinks that running in the woods will make you /bearmode/ because bears live in the woods

>6 scoops
12 SCOOPS

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>Angry Video Game Nerd
Fuck yeah, buddy, just for that I'm gonna take 24.

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>you seem more angry after you started taking creatine

>Lifting and exercise in general does not burn that many calories
your body requires extra calories for restoring the energy you used up

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>"You're starving yourself. It's healthier to eat six small meals a day."

That advice will literally kill you. Eating all day keeps your insulin high and prevents effective weight loss and causes yo-yo back to being fat. High eating frequency is the source of inflammation, which is the cause of most cancer. Since I starting fasting a month and a half ago OMAD I lost almost 35 pounds. Normies are so stupid.

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>5'9"
They never learn

>muh manlets
cope harder fatty you just got BTFO

burning calories only makes you lose weight provided you don't fucking eat the calories you're burning. It is ALL contingent on diet/ If I'm eating 7000kcals a day it doesn't matter how much you lift you aint gonna lose shit

>pedantry the post by shallow snowflake dipshit
I really wish you'd drop the bar on your neck and die, but you don't even lift.

>not drinking a post workout bear
Count Dracula was a pussy for targeting humans, the true Chad is ursine only

>Lifting and exercise in general does not burn that many calories.
Heavy lifting burns about 500+ calories per session you fucking retard, that's not even counting the extra calories you burn just by having tons of lean muscle.

CMON

>Don't take protein, you don't know what kind of chemicals are in
>Buys any kind of processed food

just hang by the neck for 1-2 minutes after every session for decompression

>omg you need to stop using cocaine to cut
Fucking sick of my retard parents

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>yeah gimme a sec so I can just shove this wHOLE FUCKING BEAR IN THE BLENDER REAL QUICK

Kys faggot

Lmao based

She is right you dumb powershitter

Meant for

>dont lift too hard you might get a brain injury
Not an issue for most people but this unironically has killed people before
When eddie hall recently broke deadlift record, he experienced internal bleeding in his head

>"You don't need to lift, should just go skiing."

Someone I know that's a few years younger than me isn't allowed by her parents to take pretty much any supplements, bcaa's and I believe protein shakes included, because her mom thinks they can maybe give her cancer. Her mom currently has cancer so that is probably changing her thinking right now.

>the neck hang provides a nice weighted stretch

Tell her you are lifting to outlive her by 20 years.

>just making do
ngmi

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