gonna continue the asshole genie thread from a week or two ago after the redditfag that posted it dipped after giving like two wishes.
I'm the asshole genie. I will grant one wish, with consequences. I cannot guarantee if i can grant all wishes, but i'll try.
I wish you weren't an asshole.
Done. Now i am not an asshole, but neither are you. Therefore it cancels out and now both of us are assholes.
i wish i could fuck any woman i wanted
I wish to have my existence erased plz
Done. You are now attracted to only transgenders that have turned from male to female.
Done. You are given one of these. Have fun, champ.
I wish that I were both handsome and fit, while being able to choose any diet I wish.
Done. But since you have a shitty personality, everyone has has a conversation with you past five sentences nopes the fuck out and leaves.
but those are men.
I wish I could see my girlfriend who lives in a different country
They still identify as female, so it still counts. I don't make the rules buddy, i only enforce em.
I wish for all to love and admire me.
He's a genie, not a miracle worker
Done. You now have Hawk vision that can be used for seeing your girlfriend, but never communicating.
Done. An ugly foreign bastard who's name translates to "all" is now in love with you.
Thanks now I have at least one person who loves me.
I wish I would wake up in another dimension again but this time a better one.
Done. You wake up in a dimension where you don't exist.
>one wish
Ok, I want time travel ability. Unlimited of fucking course, I should be able to travel back to the very big bang and to the infinity that awaits us.
Done. You can now only time travel for one second at a time. You also still age.
thanks this worked out better than expected
The fuck is this backwater logic?
It's literally just like PEMDAS
bumping this thread, i wish to see more.
i wish for an infinite of wishes without negative effects or consequences
Wishing for more wishes is against genie code, therefore your wish cannot be granted.
I wish for Jow Forums to stop being shit
then i wish that i could wish for wishes
I wish to be able to turn matter into pure energy and survive the resulting blasts without any negative side effects or fuckery, the resulting nuclear explosions should make me enough of an asshole
Not even the Asshole Genie can think of a resolution for that shit.
You used up your wish when you said " I wish", so you may as well fuck off
Done. The sudden burst of power given to you bypasses wishing law and causes you to implode.
Uh then make the /lgbt/ fags stay in their containment board
I wish for a reverse asshole genie
One who deasholifies the asshole genies wishes
I wish the devorce never happened
Done. Jow Forums becomes the new /lgbt/.
Done. The reverse asshole genie takes one look at me, decides i'm too much work, and leaves.
Done. You become so ugly that your past lover leaves you before you ever got married.
>implying that isn't already true
originality is a sin that must be repeated
I wish the asshole genie had a loving genie gf who values him
Done. A different asshole genie suddenly gets a girlfriend, without myself even noticing.
I wish Germany had won WWII
I wish for this asshole genie in particular to get a scaly bf, whos loving but also an asshole, and expresses this love via violent sex and compulsive gift buying
There is also no way that the scaly boi will ever leave, die, or be deterred from the asshole genie's booty
He also has the ability to rape the genie even if its not a physical being (aka has no ass)
I wish that you'd exist.
Done. Germany wins but then (bla bla bla time paradox stuff ) the world ends up an apocolypse.
Done. I snap my fingers, but mess up the snapping process, which reverts the effects onto the wisher. Have fun with your new scaly bf, I guess.
Done. I exist only in your mind, never in reality.
>Done. Germany wins but then (bla bla bla time paradox stuff ) the world ends up an apocolypse.
Damn it. I figured I had set a trap for the Asshole genie, where he'd grant the wish but specify that the glorious new world government would gas me for being a subhuman. I was prepared to make that trade and take one for the team.
You outsmarted me, Asshole Genie. Nice.
I wish for a tasty mango slurpee, for free
Done. Your mango slurpee is tasty but causes you to liquid diarrhea your pants instantly after you swallow it
>I exist only in your mind, never in reality.
So you don't exist. you failed to fulfill my wish now you shall burn in hell forever
I wish for all dogs worldwide to instantly turn on their masters, attempting to kill their children or them in truly savage attacks.
Done. The event happens, but you simultaneously own all dogs in the world.
I wish to have feelings again.
Done. You now have the sense of touch.
i wish to be smarter
Done. You become way smarter and ace all your tests, but your teachers accuse you of cheating and kick you out.