Venting thread

I'm trying to find a mental health facility to take care of me and help me control my own brain but I can't find one in my area that takes IEHP.

Thank you uncle Iroh.
I lost both my parents in the last couple of years, i feel like i'm a failure and i dont have anyone to prove me i'm wrong.
i'm 25 an i have accomplished nothing. No big study field, no money, no worthy job or even ob experience.
I have a gf, i'm gonna graduate soon from my uni, althou 2 years late, i have friends.
But i know i could do much more than i'm actually doin, and either im a piece of shit for not doing so, or i'm a worthelss piece of shit for not being able to.
I feel like my depression is a fault, and im a piece of shit for not overcoming it and using it as an excuse.
I will start a new job in a month and i will be moving in with my gf and i terrified.
I think i just need someone to remind me im not worthless.
I miss my mom, for fuck sake

How do you meditate user?
How do you start?
How do you keep doing it?

Everybody is telling me I'm smart and that I could go really far if I worked hard. But I haven't had the motivation to do anything in years now. I wish for the release of death every day as I see no reason compelling enough to stay alive.

The sheer pressure the last few months has made me question my sanity multiple times.

that's shitty, keep looking. maybe even try to find somebody (family?) who can help make sure you find the help you need in the meantime.

you aren't worthless user. I'm not just saying that though. people are always judging each other out there based on job status and accomplishments, but really what matters is what you do for yourself. you have a gf, do you know how many people on this board don't? you have love which is what really matters in life, fuck a job and fuck study fields, none of that stuff is important if you really think about it as long as you're getting by.

>get comfy
>close your eyes
>breathe normally
>try to observe your own breathing without changing your natural breathing patterns
>continue observing yourself this way
>don't step in to change this breathing
>don't let anything come to the forefront of your mind except your breathing
>do this for as long as you can
you should open your eyes feeling refreshed and centered, almost like a high, it's a very surprising feeling the first time you feel it but it's healthy and empowering

you're a valuable person user, you don't need to push yourself to get far, it sounds like you're overworking yourself. what does your schedule currently look like? are you providing for yourself? do you have friends?

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I need to watch Avatar again. It was a good show.

My memory and concentration are completely fucked. I was listening to some music recordings i did a week ago and it took me a solid five minutes before i remembered ever recording them. I'm working on several songs at the same time and never seem to be able to finish them even though they're all really solid songs. Also i contacted a girl i met online again who doesn't give a fuck about me and who has ghosted me several times over the past few years, because i'm lonely as fuck.
There's so much i want to do but i can't stop living fantasy lives in my head. And my ssri aren't really doing much for me overall

I wouldn't say I'm overworking myself, but I am being pressured into working while lacking any will to do anything.

Living with ADHD,IED and BPD isnt easy dude, i have getting better over the time but sometimes i think life is not going to change at all, also i met this girl in my class that im in love( i think, i mean i really dont know if im lying to myself and i really dont love her) but she has a boyfriend and sometimes i fund myself trying to manipulate her into breaking with her bf, i know its bad and she would not be better with me anyways

I think you need to lift some of that pressure, who says you have to work? obviously money is important but sanity comes first. even a machine like a car doesn't work for us, you have to oil it and maintain it. having time to reflect, time to recenter, luxury, leisure, alone time, enough to feel that you aren't constantly being stressed, is like the oil for humans. you're gonna break down if you don't take care of yourself. so whoever is pressuring you into doing things you aren't motivated to do, tell them to fuck off, and work on yourself. work on things you enjoy and start from there.

that sucks user, honestly maybe you should talk to somebody about the memory problems, no one deserves that. on the bright side you're getting a unique perspective on your songs getting to listen to them without remembering the recording process. you know they're solid so that should give you some confidence. and you know what? screw that girl, find one who's into music like you, maybe she'll give you the motivation to finish. cut off that one who's ghosting you and find at least one person who genuinely loves and cares about you and I bet thing will start to turn around. also look into whether those ssris are causing you side effects because there has to be some better alternatives out there.

that sucks user, honestly I don't see anything good coming from your plans to break her up, if anything you'll end up feeling guilty. I think love is something that develops over time, if you put yourself out there for other people and spend some time with them, eventually you might care about them enough that this girl won't seem like the center of the world anymore. love's everywhere it just takes some effort which fucking sucks but it's how it goes. I personally think you can do it, and there's no pressure if you can't, you can always keep trying. maybe you will even find somebody who understands your disorders and is able to help you.

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That was a nice, well thought piece of advice user. I apreciate it

i'm happy to help user, we all deserve to have a tolerable life

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I feel disconnected from the world cause of the blackpill. I live in the city. I moved out from my parents place a year ago and live in the same city as them. I cant drive. I'm planning on going through the military. Theres no other white people where I live. Cant find any decent women that want to leave the city cause most of them went to college. I just hop from job to job.

i'm sorry things are difficult user
i'm retiring for the day but i hope somebody else can give you the advice you need, thanks for venting

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I'm having an existential crisis. The second one in my life. I'm worried that I'm just going to waste my time on Earth and eighty, ninety years from now, look back on my past and feel that I'm proud of what I did with that time. Of course I have common phobias, like spiders and tight spaces and heights but I think my true biggest fear is living with regret. Knowing that what's done is done and can't be changed terrifies me. Knowing that I'm going to die one day makes me believe I need to leave a legacy behind, but at the same time I'm afraid that no matter what I do I'll always feel like I haven't done enough, or realized I did the wrong thing.

I'm bumping this thread. Please don't leave Iroh.

I recieved a call today that one of my friends is HIV positive because he fucked a skank

Im a 21 KV autismo.
I feel like my whole life was spent in suffering of varying degrees.
>Start 5 years old
>Social fuck-up, can't make friends for the life of me
>Mother and Father bicker and argue all day and night, older sister found comfort in my lack of emotion and we spent many nights waiting for the constant yelling to stop
>Only person I really could get along with and feel comfortable around was paternal grandmother
>She gets cancer, dies a few months later
>Mother and Father get divorce shortly after, split between a raging alcoholic and depressed father and a family of retards that my mother goes to live with.
>They have 3 kids but they all hate me and get along with my sister. She distances herself after that.
>Paternal Aunt cares about me like my mother and is more understanding and kind, find great comfort in her being around
>Fastforward through elementary where I spent my days as a clueless savant-lite retard with no idea what grades even mean or how theyre relevant, no real friends either, just people that take pity on me
>6th grade comes, still no friends, everything gets more confusing but everyone acts like its natural. Spend time at school wandering around.
>Aunt is the only normalcy in my life and helps me in ways nobody ever cared to
>7th grade, finally start building some self-awareness, more or less just to cope, but it works wonders for my confidence and self-esteem. Finally might be able to make some friends.
>Aunt gets cancer and dies.
>Break
>Grades start dropping dramatically, any and all confidence I had is gone out the window.
>Father starts "abusing" sister to the borderline illegal level because hes drunk and doesn't know what he's doing
>Mother talks to me about this even though I don't understand. Told I can't see my father for a month.
>Mother is the overbearing type, strict and controlling. Can never be alone and always stressed out by her and grounded for some dumb shit or another.
(1/2) Uncle Iroh

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the NEET dream is only a dream.
>failed school
>twice
>quit my job
>twice
>I always thought I would figure out life better as a NEET
>3 years in and now I finally realize it
>NEET life drains me
>been a failure for years always trying not to look like a failure
>been avoiding work for years telling myself I was actually just searching for the right career
>now I'll have to live with my parents and work at the same time
>no more NEET dream
>but no more NEET nightmare
don't fall for the NEET life robots. all it did was set me back 3 years.

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>blackpill implies any sort of enlightenment
>Volunteering to go die for an oil company

You're just as retarded as you've ever been.

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Im tired of tfw no gf.
I know its the most generic feel out there but i cant unfeel it. It eats me from inside, consuming me. Every day I go to uni and it's full of cute girls, but as soon as I'm done with my business I find myself home, alone. Dicking around with friends doesnt do shit. Vidya doesnt do shit. Giving a shit about the uni work doesnt do shit. Girls flirts with me sometimes, and life keeps throwing bone and bone after me, but no meat. Flirting is no good when I'm not getting laid and my social life is practically unexistent so I'm not meeting girls regularly.

I havent got laid in over a year and tfw no gf was still strong back then. But now that I'm a freshman I'd like to do things right. I've fucked up two careers because I used alcohol to cope with tfw no gf and ended up doing crazy shit because even getting blackout drunk every day was not enough. I even went to rehab but quitting alcohol is no biggie, gettinng a gf is. I cant deal with this feel. God please I beg you send a gf to me I am a good person and I'm going to waste. I will implode sooner or later and I might as well kill myself at this point since I am getting way too old for this shit.
Killing myself cause I cant get a gf. How much of a loser can a person be.

>Get to live with father again
>Father is raging alcoholic and live in constant stress of him getting pissed for no reason, but he gave me freedom and allowed me to be alone.
>Sister comes back rarely, eventually just lives with mother
>8th grade comes around, two "friends" who only really talk to each other
>Spend my time socially outcast from the rest of the school, grades worse than ever before to the point that I'm at risk of flunking.
>Mother is on my ass all day every day screeching about why I can't just do what I'm supposed to, constantly asking what the hell is wrong with me and then taking away anything that might relieve some stress. When I'm overloaded, I sleep or outright shutdown mentally.
>Try my hardest to pass, and miraculously do.
>High school comes around, same shit, different year. There's no peace at school, no peace at home, and definitely no peace in my own mind. I'm always stressed to the brink of shutting down and nobody gives a damn. Just more yelling, screeching, and anger over not being normal.
>Midway through freshman year someone starts a rumor about a quirky kid in class jerking it.
>Things seem off the next few days. Consistently more people are looking at me. Some people laugh when I walk by. Didn't understand until a week after when my sister confronted me.
>Someone started that rumor and now everyone managed to like me even less. An entire highschool descending on me. Anyone who might have liked me now couldn't stand to be seen with me, even my own sister wouldn't want to be seen with me even if she believed me.
>Now filled with enough stress to make a saint snap and fire on a church, I spend the rest of my freshman year in solitude, stared at by anyone and everyone with scorn in their eyes.
(2/3?) I guess. Can't say its all relevant, but need to get something out there.

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>10th grade rolls around, had already forgotten how to smile
>Spend time managing to exist. In a constant fight with my will to live and stress overload.
>Still deal with rumor, apparently they aren't done talking.
>Hear it in classes, have excellent sense of hearing.
>New kid arrives in a computer class, excellent chance to make a friend. He sits a few chairs down from me. Not five minutes after introducing myself, some fat fuck that's always giving me grief rolls his chair from the row in front to tell him about the rumor. New kid looks in disgust at me.
>Casually slide my chair over to fatass and kick his chair to the other side of the room and slide back and act natural. Nobody likes him either so they pretend they saw nothing.
>In after school shit later that week. Fatass traps me in a corner. Get annoyed and knock his ass down to the ground.
>Get suspended.
>Family pissed.
>Shutdown from stress so I'm numb to it all
>11th grade, everything is still shit, but rumors die down and things return to "normal". Still no real friends but I can exist without eyes on all sides.
>Meet 6/10 girl half-way through. She's a good friend, but no romantic feelings cause fucking autism.
>Hang out with the band of misfits she associates with and start feeling like I have a place of belonging.
>Doesn't last too long though because any capability I might have had at human connection despite autism has been shattered and ground to dust.
>Senior year. Survive off of suicidal thoughts and stress alone. Still friends with girl.
>Teachers take issue with autismo tendencies
>Econ teacher tells me Im just a clown who wants attention and would never amount to anything
>Attempts to humiliate me in front of class but can't cause it doesn't hit me until later what he was trying.
>Psyche teacher tries her best to help, but doesnt succeed and gets depressed.
>Econ and Psyche teacher were good friends but got in a severe disagreement over me and stopped talking altogether.
(3/fuck it)

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>Graduation time rolls around
>Barely pass with no real accomplishments, no fond memories, skipped prom and all that, never went to a sports game, never joined any clubs, etc.
>Friend and I decide to take up an MMO (FFXIV) since it was on sale or whatever
>Finally so relieved to be out of that stress that I forget about everything besides college shit for the next 5 months
>Finally get back in contact with friend and realize we had been on different servers. She asks me to transfer, so I do. Need to wait for their FC leader to come around so I can get added to the group. Had two days with nothing to do so I fuck around.
>Take a whole two minutes to find out where the FC housing is, and decide to wait around and read a book or some shit until the leader gets there.
>Friend teleports in, gives me a /disagree and I never see them again.
>FC leader finally shows up fifteen minutes later and I introduce myself.
>They tell me to stop stalking my friend or I'll be reported and to leave her alone
>Never found out what happened. They never explained why.
>Flunk out of college cause I can't even muster the will to get out of bed or be alive most days
>Get a job making Publix Chicken Tendie subs for a living and am in absolute hell.

There's a massive chunk between 19-21 that involves another girl, me on the constant edge of breaking, and gradual learning of what it means to be alive, but not a second of me wanting to be alive. Not to mention getting my heart ripped out at least 14 times in a single year, uncountable betrayals, mental breakdowns and shutdowns, and a PC being built. For brevity's sake I'll spare you.

Now
>Last bastion of my sanity is small escapisms
>PC breaks
>PS4 breaks
>Friendships break
>PC Fixed
>PC breaks again
>Then desk breaks the same day by coincidence
>3DS gets broken with desk.
>Different job I'd been at for a year is at an all time stressful high.
>Just want something nice in my life
>My only sushi place has shut down.

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If I'd added the last big chunk, it might had been more convincing to make this argument. But the whole point is that I'm 99% sure the universe is conspiring against me as some sort of cosmic joke to see how far they can push someone. Everywhere I turn in life there's some new fresh hell waiting for me and nothing goes right, nothing is nice, and I've spent the last decade without a smile and haven't gone a single day without thinking about ending it all.

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Sounds like a pretty shit deal you got, user. I would say that things will get better, but I don't know that they will. Sorry that I'm of no help.

People have been saying that for years. Gotta admire their undying, if naive, optimism.

I got accepted into three schools. The fourth I applied to was my goal school but they told me i was too late and to transfer next year. But it's not all bad becuse that school is where my ex is going to and I'd like some time away from her after I broke up with her. But I'm not sure what college to pick now. One is a semi reasonable price and I know some people but its in my home town and I really don't want to stay plus its a meh school. One is further away and a decent school if a bit left leaning for my liking. But it's also super expensive. They gave me a scholarship but not that much. I'm still waiting to hear back about aid. And then the third one i got accepted into I applied on a whim cause its where my first ever gf is going. It's a meh school in the middle of no where but has some good facility's and is the cheapest one on the list. Plus I would know my ex but I feel like it might get awkward because shes been trying to get me to fuck for years but I've always been nervous. Plus she has a bf and I don't want to cheat and even if she gets out I know shes low key a slut so no relationship there. I only have like a month left to decide and i have too much shit to do and I'm stressed I'll be lonely and awkward and hate college.

all friends ghosted me, including online ones, dropped out of highschool currently attempting to get my ged while couch surfing. all i do anymore is smoke weed and wallow in my own sadness and filth. pretty shit but it could be worse i guess

>>PC breaks again
>>Then desk breaks the same day by coincidence
DS gets broken with desk.

Shit I know that feel. My pc (notebook) completely broke down, then I went to class, got out of class and the bike I had borrowed from my brother had been stolen. At the times my bank account was empty and my mom had been yelling about rent for a period.

At that point I just accepted that life and the world is shit. Better to focus on yourself and not let people abuse you so you can deal with your own misfortunes.

Life gets better but new problems will come user.

My best friend is the cause of the stress I experience constantly. When something bad happens I'm there to comfort them, when they need help with money I help them, if there's something they really want I don't mind getting it for them, if they need help with school I also help them study or I help with any assignments they need help with. I spend a lot of time with them online and I have fun with that and talking to them but I know that I'm being taken for granted. When they're angry I'm the first one they snap at, they've deleted me multiple times only to give a brief apology later and add me back. They constantly talk about how no one cares for them when anytime they feel down I reassure them that I'm here for them and that they do matter and that I would be very upset if they were gone from this world. Despite all this the only one they truly care about is their ex who keeps them at their beck and call, they date on and off and it always ends badly. But my best friend is always happy to take them back despite all the pain they cause them. I know that this isn't a healthy relationship where I'm putting in so much effort to support them but the same is not done for me. I don't mind that they can't give me presents because I don't care about that. I'm also stable with money and I don't go to school so that also isn't needed. But every time I try to vent about something that bothers me the subject quickly gets changed back over to them and their problems.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel that for my own mental health it would he best to start keeping my distance. I am afraid of cutting them off entirely because they are suicidal and I'm scared that they'll off themselves without me around. I'm stuck and I really don't know what to do. I don't have any other friends because all my free time and effort had gone to this one person and I don't know how to move forward. I want to experience a healthy mutual friendship.

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>Still sad that I fucked up my computing exam on Monday which I could have aced but didn't cause I got cocky and left early without re-reading all the questions
>Hurts whenever I'm reminded of anything to do with programming
>Need to give a group presentation at uni on Thursday
>Only have tomorrow left to prepare
>Pissed at people who are out of education and seem to have stable jobs
>Pissed at people who seem as sad as me but also get professional help
>Pissed at people with hobbies and skills
>Don't have the time to work on anything outside of the presentation but browse Jow Forums to distract myself
dumb bitch dumb bitch dumb bitch

I can't make a connection with anyone no matter what I do I feel absolutely nothing for people no matter how long I speak to them or how charismatic they are, I think most people can tell as well because our conversations entirely lack substance I usually eventually end up ghosting them if they stick around long enough or they remove me because I essentially have 0 personality. In a group setting this isn't a problem it's like playing a part but 1 on 1 I always realise how little I feel for people and this makes it so fucking HARD to make friends let alone keep them, I have 0 friends and whenever I socialise with people I feel entirely empty even if we have loads of stuff in common still nothing even if they're the nicest person in the world nothing I feel so fucking distant from people and clearly this means I have no friends I don't even know if I want friends but I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of being human as I feel like I will never be able to make friends unless I fake a personality which isn't hard but it's draining I just want to be me but me is literally a shell of a person, this also obviously makes it impossible for me to get a gf another normal human experience that I'm missing out on because I feel nothing for anyone. WHAT DO????? No one wants to talk to someone who feels nothing for them so I can't even keep someone around long enough to check if it's even fucking possible

I'm sorry user, but nothing can convince me life gets better, I struggle and struggle and struggle some more against what ever devious plans life has in store and I am more than certain it WILL not get better.

Yeah I'll talk about my problems.
I thought I truly found the one. It was love at first sight. I asked if she wanted to get to know me better, and I got that immediate no. I'm decently attractive, tall for my age, and have great grades. She doesn't have great tits, nor ass. Both are small as fuck. She has the most beautiful eyes. That's almost all I care about in a girl, then it's personality. She's got average grades. I'm not sure how I get turned down every time. I never shoot too high.

>BTW I'm watching that show right now.

My girlfriend broke up with me a couple weeks ago. It's been really difficult for me these past few days that I've been locking myself in my room for hours on end so no one bothers me. She was the first person who told me they loved me, I even loved her back alot... This is the closest I've been to suicide in a very long time, and because of this breakup I've rediscovered a lot of mental issues I have. I'm seeking out therapy starting tomorrow. But this still hurts a lot, she really felt like the one to me but I guess she wasn't.

Does she know you at all? If you come across as spergy or creepy than I could see why this happened.
And which show is it?

>what problems are you struggling with user?
isolation, loneliness, and a crippling codependency on a hoe for the past 6 years now.
I have done everything within my power to fix my head, but nothing seems to work, I need to start living in the real world, I need actual human interactions, I need to fix my shit up before the next phase of my life starts, otherwise everything I have worked so hard for will be meaningless.

Active Jow Forums Discord server, normalfags not allowed:
discord
[llI-llI]27[Ill-Ill]
.gg/vvftDyy

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>Discord
Back to Plebbit. FAG

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>find a qt femcel
>she literally has zero ambitions and its starting to bum me out

autistic so can't even get entry level jobs

realizing autistic shy outcast girls don't exist
gonna an hero
i'v looked everywhere

Getting $8/hour as a pothole digger

Yeah, we've been acquaintances (took my last two brain cells to spell that one) for a few months, and have small talk normally. I'm not sure if that's creepy. I don't really get social queues very well. Is it creepy? Should I have waited?

Avatar, OP's pic.

I left neethood for promise of a better life, but Im losing hope.

Girls who I enjoy spending time around, who enjoy spending time around me, who are also real dont exist irl. And people online arent interested in dating either, unless theyre insane. After dealing with my BPD ex im wary of dating anyone else similar, but I dont think anyone else will accept me.

Theres nowhere to meet people irl either besides college clubs but I work after school so theres practically no time for those either.

Life is a joke.

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Can I just move to the middle of nowhere and start a new life? Middle of nowhere fags where/how would I do this?

How do i finally get over my goddamn oneitis? Its been over two months since she rejected me and i thought i was over her but then i saw her with some chad yesterday and it felt like a knife right through my guts.

I'm not sure I love my dad anymore. My relationship with my father is one that makes me question whether I'm a good person at all deep down.
He's a notorious serial liar, and I don't know what to believe about him. But he's been claiming to have pancreatic cancer since 2017, and I don't know if I believe him.
The worst part is, I ghosted him at the height of the lie. I was in my senior year of college and going through a lot, and I just couldn't handle caring about him. Supposedly he was dying, and I didn't even read the deluge of texts I got for months. I just went on with my life, and I actually believed he was dying while I was doing it.
This was also during the fallout of a fistfight we got into. That rat bastard thought he could lay hands on me as a grown man. Bad move. I had bottled everything up for over a decade, for his sake. I let it all out right then, or at least showed him a sliver of it. I beat him into the ground so badly I was worried he would die. I spat on him. I gouged his eyes, I scratched his face, I headbutted him in the bridge of the nose as hard as I could, I rained rights onto his face, I hit him with multiple hooks to the face, I yanked his ears nearly off and screamed into them, every evil thing he used to say while he was beating me. I told him to beg like a dog and he did.
>"I have cancer!"
he yelled as he stumbled backwards over the AC unit and onto his ass to await more of the beating he earned. I was worried he'd hit the back of his head on the wall and die, but it also took everything I had not to just smash his head into the wall again and again and again and again and again and again and again and gain and again myself and make sure that happened.
He had been fighting before he stumbled like the absolute fucking moron he is. He threw a gut punch or two and even tried to throw me over with the one wrestling move he knows and always relies on.
(CONT)

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(CONT)
I weigh 108 pounds and I still managed to do-si-doe his fat ass backwards into the fucking wall. And the INSTANT his fists failed, he turned to his next weapon:
>"I have cancer!"
on the way down.
So yeah, I ghosted him and gave him the silent treatment for months after that, never trying to resolve it, in the full belief that he was dying and that my last big moment with him would the time I beat him and spat on him.
Realistically, I probably don't love this man.

>Grown man
>108 pounds
Are you a turbo-manlet or a skeleton?

I feel cheated. I'm a good person. I deserve to have a good relationship with my parents. I deserved to be loved and respected by them. I deserve to be able to show my parents my own children one day and feel happy about it. I deserve to be able to speak well to my future kids about their grandfather. I deserve to be able to enjoy moments like graduating or getting an acceptance letter without that tinge of sadness and regret.
Lying to keep you out of jail was too merciful. Bottling everything up to keep the family together, for your sake, was too merciful. A good person, or even a bad one with redeeming qualities, would have taken the olive branch and kept his word never to lay a finger on me again.
But you are a liar. You are a liar and a parasite and a murderer. You are a child-abuser and a sick, psychopathic, solipsistic, autistic, malformed, demented, arrogant, egomaniacal, tyrannical, manipulative, self-centered, ego-driven villain. You are a burnout, a loser, a cuckold, and a failure. You style yourself a misunderstood black sheep, but in reality the people who understand you best are the ones who alienate you.
You make me cringe. You think you're so much smarter than everyone else and yet you make the dumbest decisions. You are the physical, living incarnation of the le reddit fedora. You look down on everyone. That's why you think everyone buys your bullshit.
You make me hate. There would be no darkness in my heart without you.

Kinda one, kinda both. I'm 5'9".

>fell for the college jew
should have become an electrician

>man
>less than 250 pounds
kek

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good evening uncle iroh. i dont really have anything bothering me right now, but i get really sad when i see screencaps of avatar like this. i wish we couldve somehow kept watching.

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how do vote for you to be best user of 2019

Oh
Sorry for the late reply, but question, are you actually autistic? Or are you just such a goober that you forgot how to interact with human beings.

damn bro, im 5'7 and i weigh 140, and ive been force feeding myself to gain weight.

Not too good. I think I got ghosted by the first girl I ever opened myself up to. I tried to rationalize her absence as her being sick or busy and that she'll talk to me any day now. The realization just sort of hit me today and I've been feeling pretty down.

I started larping as a normie/Chad because I thought that I could "fake it 'til I made it"
I mean I technically did, but it feels like nothing.
I have the good job, a mortgage, a wife.
I don't like any of those things. They don't feel real. I feel sick when I think of the person I pretend to be.

youtube.com/watch?v=5IsSpAOD6K8
Had this happen twice. You won't just forget about them because someone said youll just magically get over it. You have to find something that makes you worth more to yourself than they were.

>go to some hipster showing of Stop Making Sense in theaters
>Once In A Lifetime begins
>for the first time ever, feel like I'm really hearing the song and feeling the song
uh oh

I wish I was a trust fund babby so I could hole up in an apartment for the rest of my life and never have to get a job or go outside if I don't want to. People freak me out and make me uncomfortable, so going outside and being surrounded by them fucking blows. Every responsibility stresses me out, no matter how small. I want off this ride. I know I just need to grow a pair, deal with it, and be an adult, but I struggle with motivation and always have.

You HAVE seen welcome to the NHK, right?

Years ago. I was still in high school at the time. I don't remember it that well. Wasn't the point to just do it and things'll get easier over time? I can never get rid of these feelings, regardless of exposure. I spent a year working in the same place with minimal responsibility and still never got comfortable being there. Haven't had a job since.

holy fuck are you me dude?!?! I feel exactly the same way.
I am so tired of having to see all these fucking couples smooching and shit while I am all fucking alone. Fuckkkkk why can't girls just like me fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!'nnnn

I didn't know there was a vent/blog/etc thread up so I posted this in the neet thread. Oh well.

>transfer to desert high school in middle of school year
>sit by myself for a few weeks
>female befriends me
>we become good friends
>she wasn't very popular
>do everything together
>walk home together
>celebrate holidays together
>spend all free time together
>too much of a fucking brainlet at the time to realize she liked me
>fast forward a few months
>some other girl wanted to be my friend since I stole a fire extinguisher and she though it was cool
>girl 2 HATED girl 1
>girl 2 was very popular
>I wanted to be popular
>had to choose
>I chose popularity
>girl 1 was devastated
>I felt bad but was a fucking retard and chose popularity
>move away a year later
>girl 2 wasn't actually a friend as I find out, we never really talk again except once in a blue moon
>fast forward a few years
>I am now a NEET as described above
>living back with my mom in desert town
>decide to try and be friends with girl 1 again
>look her up online today
>she has been in a relationship since at least 2012
>had a child a few years ago
>engaged to some mexican
This girl was perfect wife material as well. I want to contact her again but she probably hates me since I shunned her to be cool. And even if I did talk to her again she has a fiance who clearly has a decent job while I am just a fuckup NEET who failed basic training, can't get into the border patrol or law enforcement, and will probably even fuck up trying to get into corrections.
I felt nothing but regret since the day I moved away and realized I actually had a good friend, which I threw away. If Corrections doesnt work out, I will probably give law enforcement another shot but in a bigger city so the standards are lower. If even that doesn't work out, I will probably join the Knight Tarrants crusade

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I know how you feel. I'm that massive ass green-text poster above. But truth be told, I can never be comfortable again. I live my life balancing stress on a daily basis and it's all I can do to exist. For me though it was never motivation. I clearly WANT to do these things so how am I not motivated? The answer is that I simply lack the willpower many days and through focus I can scrounge up enough scraps to push myself out of bed and back into life.

For the record, I mean the multi-post greentext poster, not this NEET above me

Yeah I'll try. It's hard to just forget her and I catch myself thinking about her when I'm not doing anything. I'll be a bit more selective where I search.

Get used to the idea of being one of those >gf nevar evar faggots. Everything you see and do will find some way to remind you because thats just how things are. But you opened up to her out of trust. But the things you told her haven't left you, and building up enough trust for literally anyone else is the key to repairing a broken heart.
There aren't plenty of fish in the sea, she might have been the one, and you might have lived happily ever after but the fact is, thats not how things turned out. You gotta carry that weight like a fucking bench press until you're strong enough to move on without it. Not everybody will find that perfect love or whatever, but you could very well have one out there that isn't someone who'd ghost you.

My autism made me lost the love of my life. I encountered with this girl from high school at the mall (I'm 19 now) and she was kind of a nerdy girl. We talked pretty good that day and had a little chat

>It was really good to encountered you here, user *hugh*

In the next days I started to think I would not make it to have a date with her and lost the guts to talk to her again. Next thing I know is that she got a boyfriend with same nerdy interests like her.

I was ok with that, but the thing that broke me was that I found that her favourite videogame is Bioshock. So as I! I really regret that move

>I'll continue in another post

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Also my degrees are not that good. I've already lost interest in my finance career, and even it's difficult to me to sleep and to homework in propper time. Also I haven't gone to the gym in like 4 weeks, because I really lost interest in myself. No pretty girl has ever matched me on Tinder, just 4/10 staicies. And I know I can get a cuttie girl, but I really refuse to lose my virginity just to loose it.

I've started getting out of the uni just to have a glass of whiskey in the nearest bar. Also I've started to have the necesity to smoke just for the anxiety.

My psicologist have told me I've been getting better but I really don't think so. She's really good with me but I see her every 4 weeks, so I'd like to see her more often. I'm kind of developing a necesity to be listened by her.

I just feel I don't have a purpose in this world, dude.

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I've been procrastinating really hardcore this semester at university, even though its my last semester. I've put off so many things until last minute, but yet I have managed to keep up good grades, that is depending on how finals go in the next two weeks. But what bothers me is that I dont know if my procrastination is a sign of me just being depressed, not interested in school anymore, being lazy, or all of the above. I think I might have just lost interest in the real world altogether to be honest.

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT A FUCKING JOB THAT ISNT WAGEKEK SHIT WHY CANT I JUST GET AN OFFICE JOB LIKE SOME ANIME SHIT

>running out of money
>need wagey
>just broke out with cold sores
>skipped class because cold sores
>man child pursuing meme degree

Sorry, Uncle Iroh, for terrible greentext. I am tired and an insomniac and maybe mentally unstable.

>be empty kv quasimodo
>massive fuckup in college
>8th mystery of the school is my continued enrollment and lack of expulsion
>meet a cute japanese girl
>study abroad as a doctor from uni in Tokyo University
>bright future ahead of her, unlike me
>tried to talk to her
>came off as maybe very quirky
>or maybe like those crazies you avoid on the bus
>we hit it off pretty well
>"I might have a change bros"
>next day comes
>try to talk to her again
>internal romance vision off
>she has the familiar nice but uninterested stranger vibe
>neurons on brain made all the connection
>"she's just being kind"
>"why would she be into a fat igly sob like me"
>"its most likely that - shes being nice"

Think I've realized it by myself right now. I think I am gonna do what I always do and just live life one step at a time. I guess whatever happens happens. Thanks for listening, Uncle Iroh. You da real G.

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> feel drawn to a specific man
> talk to man for months
> he is lonely and emotionless
> I show him how to identify his emotions
> he has an "ego death"
> he is different, connects with the world in a beautiful way
> I meet up with him, we connect like nothing else.. I can read his mind, and we have a lot of chemistry
> he leaves we feel like soulmates etc. blah blah stupid romantic shit
> suddenly he starts having "visions" of being reincarnation of biblical people
> I can't logic him, I can't reason him.. nothing.
> he gets worse and worse, he now must leave home, with no money, no car..
> It's like watching a cruise ship sink and no one is getting on the lifeboats
> I plead with his best friend, and others around him to stop his ass.. call the mental health professionals, anything
> his schizophrenia is really trying to kill him, and I can only watch in horror as he goes off the deep end
> I have lost all care for those around me, and I am slowly dismantling my emotions
> One day he will stop answering my calls, and I will know he has truly died

I always find the schizophrenics, and from now on no one will get it. I am tired of caring what others think, they don't know what it's like to see a loved one slowly go mad and die from a mental illness...

tfw no one tried to help him, and your a useless voice screaming out from the internet, ultimately being ignored

>20 year old KV in sophomore year of college
>No real friends on campus
I'm semi-normal socially and have no trouble getting a girls number or shit like that, but I can't make the transition from texting to kissing or fucking cause I have never done it, so I'd feel weird bringing it up. I made a Tinder before and got a few matches on there and some nudes, but when it came time for them to come over and fuck I repeatedly got curved.

>hiding my suicidal thoughts from family and acting like a happy person for over a year
>finally decided to act on my thoughts
>tried committing suicide by jumping off a building
>climb over railing
>self-preservation instincts take over
>freeze up on the ledge and eventually climb back over
>start to cry uncontrollably as a few witnesses drag me away from ledge
>police arrive to arrest me for attempting suicide
>arrive in police custody and they phone my family
>almost whole family knows about my suicide case
>get issued a warning and released
>sent to mental institute for diagnosis

Now I have to take antidepressants daily and go for checkups and counseling regularly. Also too scared to attempt suicide again

What tf do I do now?

same guy here.. I am INTJ he is ENTP, felt it might help people who do want to respond understand things. No I didn't take the tests they are shit.

when a logical person ends up schizophrenic it is some of the worst shit imaginable. They believe they are logical, then proceed to do the exact opposite of logic.

I went to community college and ended up coincidentally having 2 classes with a seemingly nice religious girl. Last year i saw her at the local uni i transfered to. We had lunch and talked for a while and she gave me her number and said we should go talk and have coffee or somthing sometime. I never texted her and havent seen her around campus since. Its obviously to late to be cringe and text her a year later. I feel kinda bad if i could find her id apologize and then text her if she seemed interested. Think i should risk the cringe and text her like it was an accident and forgot?

I failed in 6 subjects in the last sem now i have to study 10 subjects in 1 month fuck I'm gonna be dead with education loan.

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i don't know what to make of this existence of mine anymore. i barely have the will to do anything besides a few basics (like eat) but all i really want to do is nap, and i can't even do that.

my hours have been cut. i havent worked in about a month. im thinking of shoplifting now. problem is weather is autistic. its either too hot to wear a hoodie or its fucking raining. i dont have a car so i have to run. i have no issue with running but i need to wear a hoodie to conceal my ass. i dont know why the manager gives everyone else 4-5 days but cant give me even 1. this shit only happens to me nobody else

I'm not autistic. I have my IEP papers, (individual education plan) and it only says I have an above average IQ. I think I forgot how to interact with the girl I like. I'm pretty slick, but I get pretty fucking flustered around her. I interact fine with others though. It's not a girl only thing, I'm fine around most girls. You didn't answer me though. Was it creepy?

I've spent my whole life playing games, 10 to 15 hours a day and I'm still trash, also I don't have any kind of social interaction for that reason.

And havent been able to sleep in two days and miss being in school i would actually get to talk to people sometimes

I just wanna play borderlands 2 with that is kinda it.... No gay or sum shit just play and chat maybe

Probably gonna make my own thread.
Cringe, or in other words second hand embarrassment, is a form of fear, and anyone who participates in cringe threads or claiming something is "cringe" is a coward. You fear disobeying the NPC zeitgeist, you fear not following trends, and you fear the repercussions of social alienation. Instead of being your own person and either enjoying or not acknowledging content on their merits, you impart those fears onto others to gain some pseudo acceptance with anonymous retards on the Internet.

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https:\\discordapp.com\invite\8qeq9Xn

-l

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