Jow Forums meals

thank you user's will try all of these!

>ez PB banana sandwich
>bread, banana slices, peanut butter
>bread, spread peanut butter, add sliced banana
>good amount of meh fats, good amount of meh carbs, high calories
easy/quick to make for when you wake up late and have to get to work ASAP lol

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got a few I can dump
1/

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2/

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What the fuck do I put with my tuna bros?
Mayonnaise is no no.

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god i wish i were that girl

thank u for posting fren

>Ben and Jerry's
>900-1,200 calories per cup (depending on flavor)
>lots of fat, ez calories, like 3.50 a pop so sorta expensive

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Mustard. I mean, it's not the worst thing.

Worcestershire sauce

16 g protein

>for all that sugar

NOPE

>1lb ground beef
>1 cup uncooked rice cooked separately with 2 cups chicken stock
>1/2 cup of mushrooms
>1/4 cup red onion
>1/4 cup red bell pepper
>3 tbls of beef bullion
>3 tbls of all purpose flour
>2 - 3 tsp of Worcester sauce
>1/2 cup of water

Cooking instructions:

Put rice and chickenstock in a pot. Bring to boil stir occasionally until boiling. Reduce heat to low simmer, and cover. Set timer for 20 mins.
Put beef in medium pan, brown at medium heat. Add builon, veg, and Worcester sauce. Stir in and mix. Then at flour, water, and stir to distribute liquid. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and let liquid reduce to a thick gravy.

Serve half or a full pound over 2 cooked cups rice. Save the rest for tomorrow if you only do half. You should have a cup of cooked rice left over either way.

You can salt and pepper it to taste as well. For extra thick gravy and more bonus taste, add 2-3 table spoons of tomato paste.

This is my version of Brian Shaw's monster mash. Eat it for lunch on lift days, and powers my workouts.

Magical Flavor sauce. I always spell it wrong thought like I did in

Nice. More mother fuckers need to know how to make their own gravy.

are you even bulking brah

Based based haha poster poster

This morning I did
1/2 cup oats
1/4 cup cottage cheese
1/2 banana
1/2 cup egg whites
1 scoop protein
2 tsp baking powder

~490 calories, 49 g protein
Seems like everybody has their own protein pancake recipe.

Salsa

Fuck it, I'm gonna repost my guide to spatchcocking and roasting chicken for you bros.

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Remove the wishbone by feeling around the neck cavity, cutting up along the bone, over the hinge, down the other side and then shave the underside of the bone. As long as you've cut through the meat holding it in down to the socket, it should pull out clean.
Flip the chicken and make a clean cut down the spine.

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Lewd. You want to then run your knife downward leaning against the ribcage, it'll be tricky at first but you'll start separating the meat from the frame. You don't need to use much force or aggravate it too much, just gently swipe away at the meat, keeping your knife against the bone as much as possible. Take your time. You'll need to pop the thigh joint socket by pulling back on the thigh, you'll hear a snap. Run your knife through the joint all the way to the back of the chook.

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And the other side. This is easiest with a boning knife. But if you don't have one a sharp chef's knife or whatever else you have will do. Just respect the meat and do your best.

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Should look like some Hannibal Lecter shit when you're done.

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Using the breastplate to guide you, take your knife and run it under the cartilage holding the ribs, once on each side. Pull gently as you do and keep working up with your knife, it'll get weaker and weaker the higher up you go.

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From there you should be able to separate the frame from the breastplate cleanly.

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Turn it over and push down on the centre of the chicken to split the breast plate. This'll give it a flatter shape to help it cook evently. You can call it done here if you'd like.

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Buffalo sauce you buffoon. Also try mixing the tuna with scrambled eggs

JOMAD

Sorry, got carried away doing tonight's cooking.

Or flip it over, remove a few extra bones, take out the top half of the breastplate and clean it up like I did.

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I like to ferment and preserve shit. This is homemade hot sauce, confit garlic (that I let get a little darker than I'd like), homemade Worcestershire sauce (10x better than the storebought stuff to me, one of my favourite ingredients) and some aji panca chilli paste. Your pantry will be different obviously, but I hope this gives you an idea of the flavours I'm going for. Whisk whatever you've got together with some spices (I used paprika, cayenne, black pepper, salt and coriander).

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Your oven should be cranked already, I had mine set to 240c. Usually I'd go 220c, but I was hungry. So I whisked some water through the bowl I made the seasoning in and put it under the wire rack. This way I'll be steaming the chicken a little while it cooks. The texture will be different from a regularly roasted chicken, less firm, more moist. I also forgot to change out the foil in my pan before doing this, oh well.

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Chicken out after 30 minutes. Skin isn't as barky as it would be if i had left it salted in the fridge overnight and dry roasted it, but it still crisped up nicely. I like the colour on this a lot.

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Let it rest!

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Carve it up and you're done. Perfect chicken every time and you can make a nice stock from the frame in the time it takes to make.

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Breakfast:
>Skip it like a fucking champ
Or
>4 eggs
>Half a tomato, diced
>4 decently sized bell peppers, diced
>Your choice of ground beef, breakfast sausage, or ham
>Tbsp or two of butter or oil or use a non stick pan
>Scramble all that shit in a pan, put in some milk or cheese if you want

Lunch:
>Semen from your wife’s boyfriend
Or
>Boil some pasta, take it out before it’s done cooking
>Find a big ass pot
>In go some chopped onions and minced garlic with oil
>Brown a pound of ground beef or turkey if you’re gay over med high heat
>Add two cans of crushed tomatoes and season it with herbs and shit
>Let that motherfucking SIMMER, stir so it doesn’t fucking burn
>Taste it, adjust accordingly if it’s too salty, acidic, etc.
>Hope your pasta’s nice and drained cause you’re gonna add that bad boy to the sauce now and finish cooking it in there
>Plate it up and enjoy that shit

Dinner:
>Creatine, 2 scoops of powder, mix with tears of enemies or self
Or
>Bhicken creast, I prefer boneless and skinless but that’s cause I’m weak, you do you user
>Rub that fucker in a bit of olive oil
>Season with salt, pepper, that’s it nothing fancy you fags
>Oven preheated to 400°F, toss that fucker in for about 20 minutes
>Toss some broccoli in olive oil with some salt and pepper and throw it in with the chicken 8 minutes before it’s done
>Eat it

Or

>Lazy man’s fried rice
>A fuck ton of eggs, like 5 or 6
>Pound or half of ground beef
>Make white rice
>Crack the eggs into the rice, if it’s hot it should start cooking a bit
>Find a large enough pan and coat it in the oil or fat of your choice (I find that the fat from the ground beef is usually enough)
>Brown your beef over med high heat and remove so that shit doesn’t overcook and become dry
>Toss in the egg rice and crank the heat to high, shouldn’t take that long for the eggs to cook
>Sesame oil and onions go in
>Beef goes back in for a min or two, you can add carrots n shit if you’re gay
>Eat

based background cat

thnak you based user

Do not give the fat asshole attention.

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be honest, you fucked that chicken

So plump...juicy...

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Welp this post made me touch myself.

this is now a chunk sharing thread

pic rated is my cat, his name is cuddly

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haha eww... that would be gross! haha

I have many sardines cans I don't know how to eat them, sardines smell os much and have too many bones I can't eat it normally
That's a cute cat

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> image

typical western woman with no qualms with appearing decent. It's laughable really, you are all piggies.

Frozen prawns (shrimp if you're a faggot) and rice

based hahaposter

mash a can with two table spoons of butter and half a chopped onion, spread on bread
shit's wonderful

What's it like to have sex with a girl in the mud?

girls in mud is my ultimate fetish

Make your own Beef Jerky
>1 kg lean beef
>150 ml of worchestersauce and whatever the fuck you want your beef to taste like
>cut beef into thin strips ALONG the muscle fibre
>put it into the marinade, rest 12 hours
>in the fridge you moron
>dry the beef on a towel or something
>put into oven at 70-75°C for 6-8 hours

manly Protein snack done

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Thank you user

It's a hassle in the shower alone but ad mud sand or other shit you wouldn't want to risk it

Breakfast
Pork belly - 4 x eggs fried in pork fat - roughly under a dollar if you buy from the butcher / farm fresh eggs
Oatmeal with peanut butter and milk or cottage cheese - pretty cheap

>worchester sauce
bro, it's wusstah sauce

close, but it's actually worshestersher

Don't boil veg, steam it
Put a colander or sieve with the veg in over the pan with boiling water and put a lid on it

cook big potato
cook 500g minced beef or steak in oven
chop both up
heat/mix in big pan
add 4 eggs

split up meals and reheat or cold is fine.

>onions sauce

This recipe is so cringe on many levels.

Salsa Chicken
This shit is so cash brahs, you won’t regret it. Macros are for approx 16 of boneless/skinless chicken, 1 can each of corn and black beans, and 1 brick of full fat cream cheese, feel free to add/subtract/substitute to your liking, just be aware that it will alter the macros.
Ingredients
>16oz Boneless/Skinless Chicken Breast (or thighs, whatever)
>1 can yellow corn (drained)
>1 can reduced sodium black beans (rinsed&drained)
>2 16oz jars of salsa (your choice)
>1 brick cream cheese
Place chicken, corn, black beans and salsa into slow cooker. Cook on high for 3-4 hours or on low for 5-6. Approx. 30 mins before cook time is over, remove the chicken, shred it and return it to the slow cooker, add the cream cheese and cook for approx 30 more mins, or until cheese has fully melted. Stir to combine all ingredients. Cook times may vary slightly depending on your particular cooker.
Pro-tip, leave cream cheese on counter for a couple of hours to soften and you can dump it in, mix it up and eat it without waiting the last 30 mins
Serves 6 @ ~330 kcals per serving
Fat- 15g
Carbs- 34g
Protein- 22g

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I made a red curry this weekend that's really delicious.
Ingredients:
>3lbs trimmed skinless chicken thigh
>Coconut oil
>1 white onion
>3 cloves of garlic
>1 small piece of fresh ginger
>2 Sweet potatoes
>1 Tomato
>3 Serrano peppers (you can use bell peppers if you're a pussy)
>2 cups shredded carrots
>1-2 sprigs of cilantro
>Curry powder
>Chili powder
>1 Can of coconut milk
>3 tbsp of lemon juice

Before you do any prep, pre-heat the oven at 425 degrees, prick your sweet potatoes with a fork a bunch of times, then toss them on a baking sheet in the oven for 40-50 minutes.

Grab a big pot and throw a couple tablespoons of coconut oil into it on medium heat. Dice onions, garlic and ginger, add to pan and stir until browned. Add chicken meat, stir until meat looks browned. Add peppers, tomato and carrots. Mix in curry powder, chili powder, coconut milk and lemon juice. When the liquid starts to boil, reduce to a simmer. Add the diced sweet potato once it's finished baking.
Serve on Basmatti rice and a side of greens. The result is a curry that is both sweet and spicy and very filling.

Wonder what the macros are on this fat little bugger, I’m thinking he would be gamey as hell.

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>minced meat
>frozen veggies
>frozen potato onion mix
Just fry them in oil and enjoy

Be blessed user, really helped me.

m.imgur.com/r/Jow Forums/5nbmA

I've been spending too much time in /fph/ . I assumed this was a person

I double this recipe and add in chocolate whey protein and almond milk until the pot is full its runny enough to stir on the oat mix.

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salad cream

we don't usually eat carnivores, they taste bad and are more likely to have paracites and other nasty shit

This is awesome. I’ve tried it and totally recommend it

Alternative pancake recipe:
1 banana
2 eggs
Mash banana, mix with eggs and a bit of salt. Fry the pancakes.
You can optionally add e.g. oatmeal, raspberries or cinnamon but the pancakes taste perfectly fine without any extra ingredients. I like this recipe because it's extremely simple and customizable.
I make this whenever I have ripe bananas and am craving something sweet for breakfast or a snack.

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I could never bring myself to eat him anyway. He gets on my nerves sometimes when he decides to have cat Olympics throughout the house at 3am, but....if it’s wrong for a man to love his kitty...I don’t wanna be right

What's it like having a cat bro?

based. I love my kitty too even though she's a shitlord

He was actually my wife’s cat, she had two of them when we met. He’s like a mini dog really, actually he’s best buds with the dog. He’s getting to be an old man now so he sleeps a ton but he still likes to play and whatnot. We have two toddlers now and they’re pretty fond of him, not always very gentle though. He’s definitely more patient than they deserve. So as not to derail this thread entirely I’ll post another slow cooker recipe. If you lads aren’t using your crockpots then you’re never gonna make it.
2–3 lbs chicken thighs (boneless, skinless)
1 lb shrimp
1/2 lb turkey smoked sausage, cut into rounds
1 bell pepper, diced
1 onion, diced
2 celery stalks, sliced
4 garlic cloves
2 bay leaves
6 ounces tomato paste
15 ounces diced tomatoes
1/2 cup raw green beans, snip the ends and cut in half
1 tbsp cajun seasoning
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp cayenne
1/2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp oregano
Add everything to slow cooker except the shrimp, cook on HIGH for 3-4 hours or LOW for 6-7. Add the shrimp during the last 15-30 mins, eat when shrimp are done. Serve over rice (macros do not include rice)
Makes 8 servings, 330kcal per serving
Fat-11g
Carbs- 33g
Protonz-29g

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>>spaghetti bolognese
>>ingredients: ground beef, spaghetti, tomato sauce, parmesan cheese (oregano, pepper, etc. toppings)

Nope, there's no tomato sauce in a real bolognese, just a small spoon of concentrated tomato paste.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bolognese_sauce

What your describing is just tomato sauce with meat.

pic related, a real bolognese.

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recipe and macros plz

Can't you just buy boneless sardines?

Based, love by cat

my*

I got a semi hard on

Sure There's tomato sauce in it.
Look at the italian original wikipage dumbass amerifat fucktard

I could eat brokkoli, chicken and rice everyday. I’ve once prepped a whole week only that meal because 0 free time and it was actually
Cheap, good and quickly done
Would probably suck after a couple of weeks but well

70g oats
50ml milk
40g protein powder, I use vanilla
80g of banana
Teaspoon of ground cinnamon
3 eggs
1 teaspoon of olive oil

Blend it all up, and fry little pancakes on the pan. I top it with 3 tablespoons of coconut greek yoghurt and whatever fruits I have on hand.

67g protein, 41g fat, 93g carbs, 1000kcal

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>bulking/poorfag meals
eat the deenz pill. it's the only way to make it on the cheap.

The 1000kcal includes the fruit and yoghurt.

bumping this

Eat the bones you retard

haha yeah, so gross

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Don't have end specifics

Go to conserva.de
Buy 365 cans of bread and 1400 cans of currywurst (the red is objectively the better one)

The bread is between 700 and 930 kcal per can and the wurst is about 600 kcal per can.
Assuming you need 2500kcal a day, 1 can of bread and 3 cans of wurst should be a decent maintenance. Add or subtract a can of wurst for cutting or bulking.

Its an expensive way to live, but when you realize you no longer need kitchen appliances, a car to buy groceries, electricity to warm or cool food, and don't need to go grocery shopping for another year, you'll see that you end up saving a ton of money.

Also, you should get some vitamin pills for good measure.

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