>majority of all "friendships" end with me pushing an argument farther than it ever needed to go
>yelling/personal insults ensue and by the end there is the awkward feel that you feel you can never initiate contact with said person ever again because it feels like admitting defeat
do i just have autism or is there another issue going on here?
Sounds like you're a garden-variety asshole to me.
I have the same issue user, I dont see a harm in arguing as long as who ever is wrong makes that clear in the end. I never insult people thats a falacy when arguing. Never the less it still ends the same, no one likes being proved wrong.
>will constantly check that discord server to see if the person he supposedly hates now has said anything new so he can form a reaction in his mind as to how he would normally respond if they were still friends and he didn't go full turbo autist
you're just an asshole desu
Yeah sounds pretty autistic to me
its ok though you just need to learn
Good. If they're willing to do the same shit then they're just as autistic. Fucking find new friends, eventually you'll find someone who is not autistic.
Y'know, fucking just stop what you're doing. You don't need to be right all the god damn time.
Stop being a cunt and when you feel like the tension is getting to a to tense level just crack a damn joke on your expense and it should just fucking fix itself.
It wouldn't be so hard to swallow your pride and apologize if you actually cared about his friendship.
The problem with people like OP is that they put their pride in "winning the argument" above retaining friendships.
They will hurt the other person's feelings and be completely unable to admit any fault, and just blame the other person for being stupid and having wrong opinions.
>Fucking find new friends, eventually you'll find someone who is not autistic.
>Fucking find new friends
>find new friends
Like OP would be able to do that if he's this big an asshole.
Knows what's up.
it's hard to admit i was wrong or i was being an asshole, and sometimes they escalated a situation farther than they needed to and were in the wrong more than i was. but i still feel like i can't be the one to say something
This to be original with you. Trust me, I know.
the way you typed that out makes you sound exactly like the kind of person described in OP
If you can't find friends that's because you're a socially inept man-child not because you're an asshole.
Maybe you were so focused on winning the argument that you never got a clear picture of what the other person thought or felt.
Did you ever think to ask the other person what you did wrong? Why they are upset and want to end their friendship with you? Do you really think it's just because you disagreed on something?
You even have a pattern of doing this, are you ever going to learn?
>ask if you have a problem
>user answers yes
>it's not my fault actually they blah blah blah
Thank you. I was aiming for being the most obnoxious asshole possible. Jow Forums is my autistic outlet to be honest.
It really is pathological for some people.
it's very subtle
normally it will start with a little debate or something then slowly grows to the point of not wanting to talk to the person again
they participate in the fucking argument too, so why can't i blame them
it's happened multiple times, some where i was the asshole and some where they were the asshole
/thread
Then you are weak. Own up to your fucking mistakes or they'll own you. Just tell them you were wrong and move on. Life is not won by winning arguments with random people but by having a continuous dialog with friends.
Own up to your shit and you'll probably find better friends who won't take things too far.
>just tell them you were wrong and move on.
but i wasn't wrong. why do i have to kiss their ass when i'm right
It's a matter of honour, I must triumph over my adversary or else he will think I am weak and he will treat me as if I had t swear fealty to him...I am a stronger man!
>it's very subtle
You're so close to having self-awareness. Just admit you're an autist and socially retarded. It might be subtle to you but it would hit others like a train.
>it's happened multiple times
If you meet an asshole one day, that guy was an asshole.
If you meet an asshole every day...
What was the argument about?
Disagreeing on things is rarely something that ends friendships, it's how you go about disagreeing.
yeah, user here has the right of it. what makes you want to be so argumentative OP?
What? Did you fucking forget what you yourself wrote? Like, fucking read it again.
>"it's hard to admit i was wrong or i was being an asshole"
You admit that you're wrong or an asshole, you just lack the spine to admit it to people in person.
Alright, that's it. You're fucking autistic. Either you're autistic or you're a God damn convincing troll.
gotta say OP from what you've described the only common thread in these friendship-ruining arguments is you. That's not to say you can't improve, you just really need to get your ego in check. You're human. You're going to be wrong sometimes. Look at the argument from their view, if you can
well i guess to pick one scenario from all of them is
>my guy was talking about speedruns and how much he likes them
>at the time was watching some skyrim speedrun
>while talking about it randomly throws in that playing skyrim (and later on any other game) for story/enjoyment or anything other than solely beating the game is "retarded"
>so being a fan of rpgs and the like i defend the playing of games for story or whatever you want because that's what i really enjoy
>tell him that speedrunning is cool and all but there's no real point in "playing" a game if you skip tons of it's content just to get it done faster
>says that the story/ __________ is all stupid because the objective of the game is to beat it
>turns into a 4 hour long argument over basically that. where no one admits the other is right/wrong
sometimes i get passionate about things what can i say
having someone call playing games for story and shit stupid pissed me off
>Look at the argument from their view, if you can
And if you can't, say "I'm sorry I upset you, but I'm autistic so I don't fully understand what I did wrong. I would appreciate it if you could help me understand at some point, even though you owe me nothing."
>well i guess to pick one scenario from all of them is
It's literally a subjective thing. You're not right in that scenario, it's not even a case of "you're not wrong, you're just an asshole". You're just an asshole, period.
Do you live on a retard farm? Either of you could have easily admitted that different people enjoy games in different ways, but instead you ruined a perfectly good freindship trying to be better.
A good rule of thumb is this - if you can't prove with evidence, just admit it's your opinion.
>sometimes I get passionate about things
there's a difference in being passionate and being bullheaded. I'll agree with you tho skyrim is fun
i've got a friend who does shit like that too, just belittles or writes off things I enjoy a lot of the time, and it pisses me off too. I try my best to de-escalate the situation when i feel shit is getting too heavy though, cause he's the type to do what you do and stay absolutely pissmad and not admit defeat or even apologize.
how was i an asshole in that scenario, multiple times throughout the argument i said i understand that speedrunners exist and thats how people play shit but when it came to him understanding that you can play a game for story or something there was nothing but a "nope, thats wrong, there's no point in ever doing that"
Remind me never to associate with you. lul
FPBP.
>Having an argument for over 4 hours about which way to play games is the correct one.
>Not sure is autistic
>Not sure if the friend is autistic
What the hell? You're arguing over subjective shit. Of fucking course your not going to be able to convince him that his taste is wrong. That's like telling a mother fucker that he's wrong for liking bacon. That's literally a five minute argument.
>"oh cool, speed runs!"
>"Yeah, I think it's the best way to play games"
>"Sweet, I like games for the story"
>"Cool"
>"yeah, bye!"
You're still retarded for not being able to tell you'd never convince him and just giving up. It's as simple as shrugging and saying:
>well, thankfully skyrim is single-player so it's not like I'm going to ruin your game
Then move on to something else.
>i've got a friend who does shit like that too, just belittles or writes off things I enjoy a lot of the time, and it pisses me off too.
kinda this
if someone else can throw out their opinion as fact, why can't i challenge it with my own
That's when you realize that you're arguing emotions and not logic and stop and walk away.
I'm gonna give it to you straight, man: You don't seem like a very likeable person.
everyone in here is calling me an asshole but anytime you are confronted with an argument do you just give up and walk away immediately because you care that much about how they feel?
feels extremely beta to me
I try to understand the other person's perspective. Ask why he prefers speedrunning, and he will tell you that he likes competing or something. Then you say "oh okay, I prefer getting engrossed in a story, I guess our interests differ. I never really understood why speedrunning attracts people, don't you get bored playing the same game over and over again? Please tell me more about your hobby, so that I can learn more about how you are as a person"
Don't literally say the last sentence, but that's basically what you are going for. The trick is to not have a superiority complex, where you must see yourself as better than everyone else at every turn. Instead try to think of their life experiences as unique but equally valid to them, subjectively.
No, I use my social skills to figure out how to convince them. I make an argument that's tailored to their specific beliefs and ideas, instead of just insisting on my own.
It depends on the fucking topic you ass-hat. If it's about "the only true form of enjoying vidya is to speed run" then I don't fucking care. It does not matter what your friend thinks, it won't affect you.
However, if you're doing a project together for school or work. You argue until everyone's put forth their argument then you come to a consensus and move the fuck on with your lives.
God damn, how is this hard to get?
>i convince others to change their ideas and beliefs by offering their own ideas and beliefs
breathtaking
OP YOU NEED TO REALIZE YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.
you don't have to be right to win an argument, you just have to prove the other person wrong. or prove that he is a hypocrite, which makes all of his opinions null because he lives in constant contradiction. this is extremely immature and toxic behaviour of course, but that's how you "win" pretty much every argument you have with friends (you know them personally so bringing up unrelated shit about their immoral behaviour and hypocrisy has strength). it's a habit I have had since forever and I can't seem to quit it. I can be FACTUALLY wrong and I will never fully admit it.
You build a bridge between their beliefs and yours, starting with theirs. How is that so hard to understand?
Part of? He is the problem.
He needs to practice admitting fault and letting non-constructive arguments go.
OP
Ask yourself: is this argument actually going to change anyone's mind about anything? Is it going to lead to something constructive or better for anyone involved?
If not, just leave it. Change the subject abruptly if you must, but leave it. You should be able to tell if someone is willing to change their mind about something fairly quickly by listening to their tone about whatever it is they're discussing. If you can't, just refer back to my earlier question.
The problem is that if you pressure them too hard too quick it becomes a fight-or-flight scenario and they'll just buckle down hard on whatever position they have to avoid losing face. The real trick here is to have disagreements in a way that makes it clear you're not trying to intimidate them or dominate them socially, that way they can really consider your positions. Although your phrasing suggests that your goal is probably to defend yourself from domination/intimidation and you feel like you can't give ground with making yourself "beta." Also explains dropping contact afterward, you fear losing social status more than you want the continued relationship.
Either way, though, you just need to find a way to live in/resolve conflicts without creating these high-stakes verbal fights; it'll help you keep friends and keep you out of physical altercations too! I'd recommend reading up on hostage negotiation and other kinds of studies on status. "Verbal Judo" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People" might be good places o start.