I never even got a chance to be pure, cute, and innocent

I'm sorry user. You didn't deserve that. I'm sure many people felt very sorry for you, including me in the future now.

Maybe. My mom screamed and blamed me for us being poor

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That's horrible. It's probably her fault for exposing you to a carcinogenic environment anyway. A child having that much cancer is extremely unusual unless there's some extenuating circumstance i.e. you live in a house with high radiation, you eat carcinogenic foods, you're exposed directly to radiation, etc.

It doesn't mean that their lives are more valuable though. Your life is what you make of it. You suffered a lot as a kid and that's awful but you've been strong enough to get here. You're better than someone who had no challenge in life and kills themselves like trannies or a lot of robots. If you don't already get therapy I suggest you start, it could really help

But being black means i will never get the chance to be cute or innocent or beautiful or good. People will never ever see me that way. I will always just be a disgusting manly used-goods whore. Fucking worthless

We're all dealt some cards we don't like in life. I want similar things but I can't have them either. The honest answer is to cope and try your hardest to live a life that makes you happy with what you have. Unfortunately even disregarding the abuse you suffered as a kid it's unlikely you would have grown more innocent or cute or good or beautiful. Your looks would be the same, your innocence and cuteness shattered by the adult world and hardships you'd face. You can still be good user and nothing is stopping you from that other than yourself.

it's not about growing to be a certain way, it's about having what most other kids get to experience even if it's only briefly

As a nigger I get to be less of all those things anyway, and then the little I had was stolen from me. Its not fucking fair. I hate this.

You literally just gave me the "but ur personality tho teehee"

i don't give a fuck about that. I try to be good but it doesn't matter to other people unless I look that way and I never will

I hope you get to experience being gunned down like an animal.

Ya me too desu

What do you want user? You want rosy memories to look back on? It doesn't seem like you want anything that would materially affect the person you are today. It makes complete sense to not want to have the trauma of abuse and to want normal memories instead but the fact of the matter is none of that will affect your future. Life is what you make of it. If you think people judge you for your looks then change them. The parts you can't change would still be the same even if you'd grown up a cute innocent child

I want something impossible I want anything but to have been born in this horrific body
I wish he really had killed me like he said he would so I wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit every day
I wish I didn't have to be so fucking ugly and have people stare at me in disgust every day and feel disgusted they have to live and work in the same space as a fucking animal like me

There's nothing that can fix it it's just going to be shit forever

But yet you're still here which means despite all the pain you still see live as worth living.
Don't give up user just keep going you'll make it.
You could be addicted to crack and have aids like a lot of your brethren or in prison continuing to be raped

I live for my family
I have fun in my life but it just feels like biding time until the memories and intrusive thoughts budge in and ruin everything

>life is good b/c it could be worse
Honestly just stop trying

You either live for what you enjoy, make your life better or end it. There's no greater meaning to life user you enjoy the good times and ride out the bad times. Chase your dreams and if it all becomes too much you can hang up the towel. Your past doesn't stop you from having a future