Why should I hire you?

"so why do you want to be a cashier at this McDonalds"
Oh you know, old dream of mine to someday live a life of poverty and kill myself at the age of 29

Why are you in my office, David Gandy?

How are you gonna make people believe he did it when you're the one with pants full of shit?

Im a fast learner and a try hard. I offer nothing more and will not participate in any sort of "workplace family" atmosphere. Hire me if you want, I certainly hope you wont.

Because ny dad said I'm a champ.

I'm think about something

thngin bout those beans?

If you don't hire me, I'll come back with my unregistered firearm and kill at least five of you.

Well you had an empty spot I'm willing to accept your terms.

Nice, you got that confident glimpse in your eyes.
Meet up here on Monday 9:00

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Absolutely no reason. The previous generation imported plenty of indians, chinks and spics who will do the same job for half as much + diversity points.

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Make sure to tell the lady at the entrance to give me my really big bonus for starting here. I'll make it 10 if she messes up my name. Tar-ques-is, nigga.

i can scream REEEE for 8 hours and only with one hand

You should hire me because I'll bend over backwards for your company working 10 hour shifts 6 days a week selling garbage to American consumers who don't need it because the capitalist system we live in is a massive leech. Did I mention I love to kiss ass?

I have good leadership qualities like ordering people around and beating them. Perfect for this organization.

I have experience creating complex machine learning algorithms and infrastructures. My AI-driven decentralized cloud computing platform to run decentralized IoT and blockchain applications.

In layman's terms, I am currently developing a decentralized Amazon Web Services by democratizing cloud computing and leveling the playing field for cloud resource providers and application developers.

My AI-driven matchmaking algorithm allocates resources for computation requests in the most optimal way. Rather than having to communicate with the network contributors on your own, the matching algorithm utilizes several parameters to ensure that the least amount of resources and latency time will be used within each computation request.

My algo is blockchain-agnostic, with the capability to enable high throughput of transactions and low transaction costs. I am also currently building a secure layer around Intel's SGX technology which will deploy real-time monitoring of the platform to prevent fraud.

I believe I can make an immediate impact on your firm.

You're hired, Nick Land.

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Cause if you dont, I'll kill you.

I have a master's degree in computer science, focused in cyber security, and a paper published recently in the proceedings of an IEEE conference. I am also a US citizen with no criminal record, making me eligible for security clearances if need be.

Why are fuckers like you helping our tyrannical government?

Because I'm dangerous. You're going to want dangerous people on your team when the whole world shits itself and the system collapses and you're left with nothing but your shattered dreams of your little capitalist success story. You're going to need ruthless people in this organization backing you up, or you'll end up worse than dead.

Why was that woman sitting on the aisle seat and blocking others from taking the spare one in the first place?