Fat fuck here. 5’10, 340 pounds. I’m tired of being a fat fuck...

track your calories and don't lie to yourself, eat less, track progress, adjust accordingly, start walking, do more intensive cardio when you can handle it

Like second post said, try fasting. You can try intermitent fasting (you can eat in a certain time-frame of the day and then you stop eating) or OMAD (one meal a day).
Get an electronic weight scale and measure your weight every morning after taking your morning shit (try not to eat before). There are apps where you can input these daily measurements and get a nice graph out of it (or you can do it in Excel yourself).
Best part about something like OMAD is that you don't have to worry too much about dieting or calorie counting (of course, besides some obvious shit like not chugging a 2 liter bottle of coca cola daily). Only thing you need to do is *not eat* that much, and change your food behavior based on what you see in the weight measurements (ie if you're not losing anymore, try cutting on the food).
Worst part is the hunger of course, but it's not gonna kill you.

Go to the /fast/ general or read up about fasting and electrolytes, at your weight there really is no point wasting your time with smaller caloric deficits. Plus it has health benefits. When you've lost the weight maintaining is much easier, and from then on it's common sense diet.

>sleep well

How does that effect weight loss? I wasn’t aware of that.
I have an exercise bike. Is that a good way to burn calories? I hit it earlier and was sweating like a motherfucker so I figure it must have been working.

>I have an exercise bike. Is that a good way to burn calories?
yes but it also gets you hungrier. So fasting/dieting is still the important part.
But exercising is good enough on its own, without the weight loss benefit

anything that gets your heart rate up, hit that every day and eat less calories than you burn (you'll figure this out by tracking whats working)
google TDEE calculator for a starting point

Alright maybe I’ll try fasting then. About how fast will I lose weight doing this? And are you really sure I won’t have serious health problems from doing that? Usually if I miss a meal I get a headache and my stomach hurts really bad. I guess no pain no gain though?

Fast for 16 hours every day.
Do Starting Strength.
Swim when you are not lifting.
Return in three months for further instructions.

Only if the world is lucky

Keto worked for me, it worked for others I know irl.
You may have heard that most people gain the weight back after dieting - this is true, but incomplete. The ones who gain the weight back think they can lose the weight then go back to eating how they did before, while the ones who keep the weight off make permanent changes to their diet that they can stick to.
It's not as bad as it sounds when you're starting because once you go to maintenance you'll increase what you're eating slightly over your last deficit. But it's important because you want to target a permanent diet change that you can stick to after you stabilize weight. For me, that's a low carb, high protein diet (just no longer worrying about being in ketosis). But it's something to think about when picking a diet now.
I agree with most of the advice above: write down everything that goes in your mouth, stop eating sugar no matter which diet you follow, start light cardio.
Fasting works, but if you don't have any experience and habit of eating healthy it can have a yo-yo effect. Lose the weight, gain it back when you go off/"reward yourself". So it's not literally the first thing I would do. A short cleansing fast though may be useful when you make dietary changes.

Snake diet, just do it and don’t stop.

>caring about how long it will take to make it
NGMI

You’ll shed 1 1/2 pounds a day doing snake diet.

>fast
you won't last
scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/

>And are you really sure I won’t have serious health problems from doing that?
So, One Meal a Day, and longer fasts are very different animals. OMAD pretty safe and easy. Longer fasts you need to be drinking plenty of water with the right mix of electrolytes. If you're not getting potassium, magnesium and sodium in the right amounts you're going to have a bad time. DO NOT go on a long term fast without doing any more reading on it than just this thread.

it's been 5 weeks since I started OMAD and I've lost about 8 kilos without even trying too hard (cheating once in a while). Halfway through I stopped feeling constantly hungry like I did at first
I don't know about you, but I was already unhealthy as fuck before so it was all benefit to me (especially on the money side since I'm pretty poor, saved a lot of cash now)

Keto works for sure but you'll be completely fucked nutrition-wise if you aren't careful. I did keto multiple times before it became a magazine meme diet and it worked every time. However, it'd be better to just count calories and eat smaller portions / choose healthier foods.
Keto is great in losing weight quickly, not safely, and the extremes it presents doesn't help generate good dietary choices so you'll rebound most of the time once the diet is over. Having restraint and eating healthier will have significantly more impact and will make it so you don't have to diet every year to shed off the winter fat even if it takes longer to shed the weight. Plus you'll have more energy and look healthier in general.

pound a day
start right fucking now

I probably need to stop drinking beer too right? Twice a week a drink at least 12 beers and eat 4 hot pockets behind it/a whole pizza

>hot pockets

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check out strongerbyscience.com/sleep-pt-1/

the tl;dr is in the circumstances of the experiment good sleep got 50/50 fat/muscle loss and bad sleep got 20/80 fat muscle loss. Check the article for proper context.

cut the beers, if ur alky do clear hard liquor and limit yourself to one binge sesh a week

yes, quitting beer is good too.
the main point of fasting is that the more you quit the better. besides the meme militaristic responses, it's just about eating/drinking less.
that's why I suggested a weight scale. You can track yourself almost in real time and you can see if your weight isn't going down, you need to drop something else

I got a scale but I’m so fat I literally might break it

It would be extremely painful

I’m a big guy

get one of these made out of glass. They should have a max limit of 180kg/400 pounds

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Fasting won't work user. You will just fail in a few weeks. You need to go vegan. Start with only eating potatoes with only salt and no oils. Good luck. Once you lost 100 lbs add in beans and fruit.

Fuck, one of those. Vegan is as bad for your health as keto, worse if you count maintenance when keto turns into low carb.
In fairness you will lose weight on it, for the same reason that vegan parents kill their infants. You're just not getting that much nutrition out of it.

>trying to kill a fatty for wanting to better his life
that's harsh user

Fast for 40 days to achieve /prophetmode/

at that weight you can basically just walk 15 minutes a day and lose pounds

check out r/keto and you'll figure out if it works or not

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13 years ago I was 5'10 265lbs and managed to lose 110 pounds in 4 months. Let me just say that I regret how I lost weight that fast because now I'm stuck with loose skin for the rest of my life. But it sure beats being a fatass. You have to make the decision that you're going to change, and you need to start counting all your calories during your weight loss. I decided to do 1400 a day (a very low amount not recommended for you unless you have an unrelenting resolve like I did) and I started smoking weed, getting really high and going on 1-2 hour bike rides at night while listening to music. Bike riding is a very fatass friendly exercise, not only is it fun and easy to do but since you are so fat that likely means you have very strong legs which will help a lot with biking stamina. By the way, you need to get a real bike, not a stationary one. Stationary ain't gonna do shit for you bro. Any cheap ass $100 bike from Walmart will be sufficient. The weight will come off very quickly.

READ THE STICKY

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