/britfeel/

Reading this in the radio host's voice

Kek alright lad, whatever you say. Im not a prude but i rarely watch porn. Don't think it's masturbating or porn that's holding me back in life, more like just being a lazy negative cunt.

>neighbours bin
top banter

But yet he got bummed off a GIANT greggs tranny?

Poleaboo just told me on DIscord that Shippy's real name is Clive

Sulkanon hates feeding the pony

When I was at school a girl once told me that she put her nokia 3310 up herself and rang it from her house phone

Thread's off to a flying fucking start innit lads

Also dumped a very used fleshlight I didn't clean and stunk off old cum in a public bin in City centre on an early morning walk
Took it done in a back pack and had some condoms wrapped in tissue too

Him thinking that people only pretended to like eating at restaurants was a great one too. I'm with him partly though, eating food is overrated.

Spending 100 quid on vidya for my brothers birthday, getting Spider-man, God of War and Let's GO Pikachu

Sorry for being overly harsh, I'm still seething a bit, but just to address your characterization of yourself as "lazy negative cunt", have you consider that expending all your sexual energy into jerking it, you could channel it into something constructive?

there used to be a rumour that premiership football players were doing this ON THE PITCH lol

Sulkanon hates bean flicking

>shippy and poley constructing a story that shippy has fallen out with him to stop the shippy kissed the tranny posts

>tfw no nokia 3310 vagina gf

1. I barely masturbate
2. Whatever

Why dd you risk your only friendship to try to get a paki discount?

Now that we are on the topic. If you would not drink non alcoholic whiskey for the taste u don't like the taste of it.

wish I had cola right now to mix with this whiskey

I ALSO was having a wank in my school toilets I remember
I used to get in early and felt safe
Then some lad walked in as soon as I was cumming and had to try my best to sound like I wasn't being suspicious so I made pooping noises

>tfw stopped wanking
>tfw expended all my 'sexual energy' into something constructive
>tfw painted a picture of me wanking

how the flip do you make pooping noises?

Yeah he was saying that people were trying to raise their social status by "being seen" in a restaurant.

The funny thing is that he was talking about the Bella Italia in Filey. High status place.

Premiership footballers were sticking nokias up their arse and then phoning them with the house phone ON THE PITCH?!

>so I made pooping noises
do go on, please

He didn't even respond to my previous message, so it was clear he didn't consider me a friend even before I asked for the discount

>tfw stopping wanking
>tfw expended all my 'sexual energy' into something constructive
>tfw just did everything I normally do but angrier

yeah nice forced fake drama you fucking loser

they were ringing each other, the rumour stated

This threads got like three excellent arks going on at the moment, good job writers

Why wouldn't I just drink an alcoholic whiskey and enjoy a good buzz along with a nice taste?

If there was some reason I couldn't, driving etc, then I'd definitely drink a non-alcoholic one.

>You'll never batter Cola and serve her with chips, doused in salt and vinegar

>he was talking about the Bella Italia in Filey

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Also when I was 13 I got caught wanking to babestation on the armchair in a contorted position with my cock near my face was very embarassing

but with what phone?

Caught by who and what happened?

The Lord and he went to Hell forever, Amen

My nan caught me wanking last christmas. I'm 22 fucking years old

My brother and he asked me what I was doing and I said flipping the channels but I don't think he believed me

Did we get any closer to what 'plan b' was?

house phone or maybe a second mobile (as football players are quite wealthier)
or maybe a bunch of Sun reading, 'spoons visiting dole scum aren't good about thinking about things logically

Can't believe the Nintendo Nigger is going completely mental. It's fucking HILARIOUS to see this honestly

Brings a whole new meaning to "Give me a ring"

>tries to put some ketchup on my chips and fucking throttles the cunt
>ketchup everywhere
>throws plate at the cat
AAGHSGGH

Nobody here asks the REAL questions like

What did Cola do with Mayuri's spunk from the condom? Did she slurp it out like a yogurt pouch? Did she pour it over her tits and massage it on her nipples? Did she use it as facial moisturiser?

Also remembering the time I must have been about 10. My good friend at the time I was staying at his house and he never had toilet roll. I ended up wiping my arse with his mums coat and then throwing a tantrum for my mum to come get me.

What did Nan say about you having a good old chug-a-tug?

I once pissed myself at a GAME store, I was about 11 at the time and they had a demo booth for a game and I really wanted to play it, so I stayed on the console even though I really needed to piss, anyway, long story short I pissed myself and had to call my dad to pick me up

She told him to stop wanking because it's draining the life force out of his kundalini and to travel his sexual energies elsewhere on the astral belt

this fucking thread right now, i swear

>Theoretically could a woman use a poo as a dildo?
Look up 'ice docking'.

Can you give me a rundown? Who?

Think I'll go have a smelly poo right now and wipe my sweaty spotty bum with a picture of Cola and Poley

What the fuck? Jonathan? My mum thought she'd gotten brown sauce on her jacket.

She didn't say anything bless her, just went 'ohh' and closed the door. We never spoke of it of course.

Is it like the time I used to put ice cubes up inside my arse and let them melt? Feels really good lad
What's some awkward wanks you had lads? At same besg friends must have been about 10, bottom bunk wanking over a Trish stratus WWE card while he is sleeping

>this brown sauce smells suspiciously like shit

*dances into the thread with a couple of maraccas*

Hmm, how lovely
Not sure why I didn't imagine this existing prior

I'm volunteering for Ukip and I met Sargon of Akkad today. He was very rude and said "Stop calling me Sargon, my name is Carl and I'm running under the name Carl."

Can we do the macaroni lad?

Also me and a friend when I was like 11 and got sky and access to the 900 porn channels he used to come over and we'd wank together
I was the first of us to cum actual semen and he watched cause he didn't believe me and we used to like slap our dicks off of each others bum cheeks
Very gay looking back desu

>well yeah homophobia is rife in the terraces, no doubt about that.
>whoever it was with the phone, its only harmless fun at the end of the day, what they do in their spare time is their business, but if the names get out they will get some stick from the fans. their gaffers wont be very happy either i imagine.
>as you say they should be judged on their football ability, but thats not going to happen, fans are always on the lookout for a player from a rival club to give shit to.
>then again im not homophobic but i would still sing the chants if they were liverpool players :lol:

Ah, next some of the lads here are going to tell us that people enjoy smoking. Pure autism, I swear

I'm running for UKIP and I met some faggot today, He was very rude and said "Hey wants up Sargon" (not my name, my name is Carl) and I told him I'm running as Carl and not 'Sargon'

daily reminder he beats his kid

If that was true the news would be running it. He's a grade A mong though, and lol @ thinking UKIP are relevant anymore

blackoutaudio.co.uk/forum/threads/32647-premiership-players-in-mobiles-quot-up-yer-bum-quot-scande?s=a2352204344055b7b7f77b022353fca6
good read in this old forum lads

Remembering times walking home from secondary school going through puberty and having a massive erection and trying to cover it with my school bag and getting really nervous.

na night pals, see ya in the morning

it was just one of those forced memes that get posted on /b/ everyday

ACTUALLY I WON'T SEE YOU IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I'VE GOT ANOTHER DAY OF MISERABLE SOUL CRUSHING WAGING

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Just got back from seeing Avengers: Endgame.

Thought it was alright, obviously knew most of the spoilers so nothing really surprised me. Laughed at the Fortnite scene and thought the time travel scenes were done quite well.

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>tfw made a plasticine willy in primary school and chased the girls with it

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Some lad shit himself in P7 and it stunk

>Just got back from seeing Avengers: Endgame.

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one of my friends got in trouble for unzipping his trouserrs and sticking his finger through it to make it look like a willy.

the teacher that told him off ended up being a pedo.

This is exactly what SCEA looks like

>turns out my phone cannot receive texts now for some reason
>used to not getting any so don't realise
>can send texts fine, as well as use data
>can receive texts by putting the sim card into my older phone
Very confused, lads.

Need SCEA to give us a quote on how much it'd be to give Feel Street a fresh tarmacing.

SCEA is also ginger.

Going to go see this new Dora movie in the cinema for a cheeky wank, lads.

>Laughed at the Fortnite scene

Fuck off, you're either a zoomer or a nonce

>the Fortnite scene
that'll age well

>uses terms such as pizza wizza on the daily
>is neet
>likes avengers
101% he's a nonce

nice, same reason i'm going to see sonic

Help helper is a zoomer but also a sweetheart

Based Helper lad making the grumpy twats seeth

help helper lad living rent free in some lads domes it seems

>gets mocked for being a faggot
>"y-you're s-s-seething"
El Epico