Medical experiences thread

>at the doctor's office
>get my testicles checked
>doctor walks in

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>"Sir please stop calling me Pajeet,"

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>go to get my blood checked out
>"So when did you last have sex?"

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>at doctor's office
>finger up my ass
>doc walks in

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Monitoring, this thread has potential

>at doctor to get general check up
>measures my heigh and tells me im 175 cm
>come back home and measure my self
>im actually 173
>doc gave me 2 cm out of the goodness of his heart
>my manlet heart grew 3 sizes that day

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>you are sexually active, right?
>y-yeah

Do people regularly go to the doctors?

I havent been in like a decade or more, are you people sick all the time or something?

>at doctors office
>doctor says I need to stop masturbating
>I ask why that is
>”so I can examine you”

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Kek

Same user, my parent was anti vacc so I can't even remember what a doctor is like. Not sure why I would go either, they seem stupid and expensive.

>mini-physical before donating blood
>"and your girlfriend is healthy? you trust her?"
>stutter through explaining that i have no gf

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>be on TRT
>go back to get new receipt
>doc asks me if I'm horny more often and if I have more boners
>mfw

last week at the eye doc
>young 20-something intern asks me my pronouns
>this is despite marking "M" on the patient form
>wondering if this is a thing they're required to ask nowadays, I tell her "all of them"
>go through exam as usual
>senior experienced doc shows up later with med students observing
>they keep swapping back and forth between "he" and "she" when referring to me
>I'm not even crossdressing
not sure what to make of all this

Post face

My insurance gives money back for regular checkups (dentist + flu vaccine + gym membership = 30€).

Not the user you replied to, but I don't have insurance.

they were playing off of your sarcastic quip ("all of them") with their own sort of banter

I do this all the time. My director makes me ask for pronouns, so now if I get something along the lines of "whatever" I'll mix it up with some he/she/xe's. 5/10 I get a chuckle from either the nurse or patient

Literal real life doctor here, ask me your stupid questions if you want

>specialty in emergency medicine

How often do people really come into ER because they shoved things up their arse?

what is your specialty in

Not super common, but common enough. Maybe once a year?

I used to have this one frequent flyer who was mentally ill, he had this Buzz Lightyear toy he would shove up his ass every week. Not sure what ever happened to him.

Emergency Medicine.

Lmao, from what fucking cucked country are you from?

>lets take a look
>*shines light at anus*
>*muffled* "I am buzz lightyear. I come in peace."

Tell us your funniest story about a patient

How bad is a blood pressure of 88/53 at 50 bpm?

Nothing really stands out; I am always amazed at how stupid people are though.

Uh that's pretty low systolic but if it's always like that I wouldn't worry. Do you take any medications?

I'm

and I'm in the east coast of the US (not jew york)

I've been bragging about my last visit to a doctor was going to the ER like 8 years ago. Now a 3rd person in my family has colon cancer. Looks like I'm gonna break the streak and get a colonoscopy soon

>Uh that's pretty low systolic but if it's always like that I wouldn't worry.
Sometimes it's like that, sometimes it's in the normal range.
Though when I stand up rapidly I start to faint.
>Do you take any medications?
Nothing, I don't even drink coffee.

>writing mfw
>posting no pic of face
Fuck of newfag

>getting DOT physical from doc
>qt azn girl performing
>balls fondled
>says i'm 5'9
>when i measure it comes to 5'10

Manlet rage lasts forever

Fucking Kek, have a (you) friend

A year or so ago I did some heavy ass squats and my nuts hurt later that night and I posted on Jow Forums and they said I had testicular tortion and I was really high so I went to the ER. They ended up calling some lady to do a ultrasound on my nuts.

>Prostate check
>Pull down pants
>Bend over
> Doctor grabs my left hip
>Finger goes in
>Grabs my right hip
>mfw
>

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Doc I may have HIV. They say you virtually can't pass it on to someone else when on medication but is that true? Also how harmful is the medication for your body?

Lmao

>"It's Doctor Pajeet."

based ass fucked poster

>okay step up on the scale
>220 lbs
>go home step on scale
>214

Da fuq?

>new family doctor
>so how many times do you do physical exercise?
>oh around 2-3 times a week
>writes 2

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>doctor asks if I'm gay
>right in front of my trans girlfriend
why do they do this shit?

Is the Snake Diet gonna kill a nigga? How retarded is it, really?

I've been reading /fast/ and watching the vids today, and goddamit if I'm not tempted to give this shit a go. I;ve got about 50lbs to drop.

cause butt stuff

uneven floor

No, doctors are a literal meme. Every disease can be treated with natural means. Only go to a doctor if you have a broken bone or are bleed uncontrollably

Doc, my knees and ankles hurt when I do squats. Does that mean I should stop squatting? What can I do/what supplements can I take to stop the pain?

>go to doctor at 12 years old
>have female asian physician
>she's asking me puberty questions but she has a thick asian accent
>"so you get hair? Body hair?"
>"yeah"
>"and, balls are, long?"
>don't know how to answer
>"okay, let's take a look, i need you remove your pant. It's okay; I am doctor"
>pull down my pants
>she intently inspects my balls
shit was so awkward.

should vaping be banned? if so, should cigarettes be banned too?

Ah, shit

Have you been diagnosed with psychopathy yet?

>female
>asian
>you were 12
>intently inspects balls
This is very important: did she or did she not say either of the following?
>ara ara
>maa maa
>ufufu

...

You are half right and half retarded. If you get a serious infection you need an antibiotic

T. Male nurse

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This thread is full of shit posts but I have an actual experience.
>be me
>fit boi, trying to start running again
>go for a run
>after about 10 minutes, I take a step and my knee hurts like a bitch
>thatshitaintright.gif
>limp home, decide to rest it for a while
>ff a few months, same shit happens
>now I know something REALLY isn't right
>go to orthopedic doctor
>takes x ray, sees nothing
>sends me for an MRI
>ff a week
>"your meniscus is torn user, you're gonna need surgery"
>"shit"
>gets me in for surgery in less than 7 days
>chill at hospital, everyone's cool
>charismatic black man gives me finger guns
>give finger guns back
>they give me an IV and start pumping me full of shit
>anesthesiologist talks to me
>have a nice chat, I sign some shit
>"thanks for being a good patient user"
>"hey man, the easier I make it on you guys the easier you'll make it on me"
>laughs
Make sure you're cool with your anesthesiologist, they have the drugs
>go into surgery
>drugs get administered
>they prop me up and inject something into my spine I think, but I didn't feel it
>last thing I remember is looking at my anesthesiologist and seeing him put a needle into my IV line
>"oh great, what are you putting into me now?"
>"it's whatever you want it to be user, let's call it magic whisky"
>"cool, I hope it's Makers Mark"
>don't remember anything else
>wake up, in severe pain but they gave me a ton of vicodin so it's cool
>become a statistic of the opioid epidemic for 5 days as I'm hopped up on vicodin
>go home, can't do shit but jack off and play vidya
>can't work out
>feelsbadman
>start going to physical therapy where they electrocute me while cute PT girls make conversation with me
>iminheaven.png
>also have to walk around with a brace on my leg for a few months

So that's where I'm at. I'm happy to be healing up. Thinking of trying to get some pity blowjobs with this brace on looking like a cripple, we'll see. Thanks for reading my blog

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Nice blog man, I hope your recovery will be speedy.

Thanks bro, I think it's 4-6 months for a full recovery. It was a repair surgery instead of a removal so the healing process takes longer

> be med student
> resident tells me to digital rectal exam a guy with anemia
> do it and guy fugn laughs at me
> resident laughs at me
> report to attending physician
> says that's the nurse's job and it was medically unnecessary
> whole team laughs at me, the lowly 3rd year

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>Sher cudyu pleaze shtop challing meh pajheet?

Kek

>NATURAL GOOD NON NATURAL BAD
>sits on a computer in a house all day

>be med student
enjoy your riveting career of being fat nigger+spic life support

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Treat type 1 diabetes with your crystals or whatever, mongo

>at the doctor's office
>checking the doctor's testicles
>doctor walks in
>get spitroasted by two doctors
>mfw the nurse walks in and jacks me off while this is happening

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Probably my worst hospital visit ever.
> be me, in shower
> washing balls, feel alot of pain when i brush up against them
> feel balls, right one has a hard lump, the size of a pencil eraser
> hurts to touch but im stupid so no hospital visit.
> wake up couple nights later, feels like my ball is exploding.
> make appointment the next day
> go to doctors office, doc says “oh you’re in college so it’s probably (insert STD), i can tell by looking”
> she looks at my balls, frowns, says “okay thats not (STD), lets get you an ultrasound
> she leaves door open as she left room
> im laying in a hospital gown, with my balls out, door open, and down the hall is the waiting room so people can see me easily
> painfully stand up to close the door. This happens 3 more times
> get ultrasound, they wheel me back
> 2 hours later the doc comes in and says “yeah so it’s probably not cancer, its too large to be a cyst, its probably not an STD, so uhhh you might want to think about getting a second opinion”
> she leaves, and leaves the door open again.
> get up to change and leave
> mfw they charged me $13,000 to tell me “uhh idk”

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>mfw they charged me $13,000 to tell me “uhh idk”
it i were you that shit would be going directly to collections

he just told you some guy stuck a buzz lightyear toy up his ass and ended up in the ER EVERY WEEK
>tell us ur best story

As a doctor haven't you made it? Why are you still posting on this mongolian coom posting forum?

>nurse grabs 'large adult' blood pressure cuff

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Do you guys seriously tell the doctor you're sexually active even though you're virgins? You'd rather do an unnecessary STD test than have a doctor know you're a virgin?

Stay jelly pleb

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you couldn't pay me enough to have to deal with fat niggers and beaners all day every day. i'll just stick to my neet life, thanks

> Anaesthesia or Surg
> patient is unconscious
> Radiology
> dark room, no humans
> plastic surg
> lol tots

Hey mate you know physician burnout is a huge problem currently, right? One reason the problem is so bad is doctors slowly realize that all of their schooling was basically for naught since 99% of your patients could be cured if they stopped being fat pieces of shit. Your entire job description is keeping the least productive undesirables in our society alive. Police do more to help modern society than doctors.

Tell that to the trauma surgeon

>police do more to help
ACAB, piggy

where the fuck do yhou losers live that this is a thing

> Anaesthesia or Surg
> patient is unconscious
and they're all fat niggers
> Radiology
> dark room, no humans
you'll be looking at imagery of fat niggers all day. and you're expected to analyze 1 image every 4 seconds. additionally, there are already deep-learning NNs that can diagnose disease based off of histo and imagery quicker and more accurately than radiologists/pathologists. top lmao
> plastic surg
> lol tots
lmao. enjoy mutilating penises into neo-vaginas

Can you ask your nurses to stop lying so fucking much all the time?

cry more nigger

>at doctors office for recurring testicular pain
>doctor examines my package
>dick is bruised and has some light scarring
>sack has some light scarring
>doctor tells me my testicles are intact but that I badly bruised one of them
>suggests I take it easier during sex and "don't play too rough" or better yet, abstain for a month or so to let it heal.

>mfw virgin and I just like jerking it hard and rough.

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>Had a mole on my leg that went through some strange changes over 18 months. Wound up looking just like pictures of melanoma.
>Had no medical coverage, had no money.
>Signed up for "charity care" at a local hospital (OHSU in Portland, Oregon, USA).
>At the appointment, a new doctor (young woman), and an elderly doctor.
>For some reason, they discussed how I was paying for it. They seemed annoyed when I told them I had no coverage and had to sign up for charity care (they call it "the discount").
>Older doctor leaves the room. Young woman doctor looks at the mole and says "Oh, there's nothing wrong with it, it's symmetrical [it was not] the color is normal [it was different shades of brown]. It doesn't need to come off."
>Astonished by this. The borders were irregular, it was different shades of brown, it was now asymmetrical, it looked just like pictures of melanoma.
>Older doctor comes in. He looks at it for two seconds, then says "OK, we'll take that one off." He looks serious. Young woman doctor looks angry.
>Pathologist's report says it was on its way to being melanoma.
>Bitch tried to kill me because I'm poor.

>Get fired from my temp job because I took a day off from work for doctor's appointment.
>Merica.

>uncle is a gynecologist
>always acts like hot shit at family gatherings
>tries to be
>hip
>with the younger family members by telling crude jokes and bragging about how he gets paid to look at and touch pussy every day

>somehow he doesn't realize that he comes off as a complete creep.
>somehow doesn't realize that it's 2019, the internet exists, and literally everyone he tries to brag to knows that as a gyno, the pussy he looks at every day isn't the kind of pussy anyone in their right mind WANTS to be looking at, much less touching.

Sometimes I forget that even intelligent people in customer facing occupations can be hyper-autistic.

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Hot.

>bleeding out the ass for 2 weeks
>go to doc (female)
>I need to perform a finger rectal to confirm it's blood
>ok
>can i bring a medical student? (also female)
>ok
>lubes up and fingers my hole
see you losers later

sadly i tried that, while diet and exercise helped symptoms a lot (ulcerative colitis) it did not fix it

Shoes

>Treat type 1 diabetes with your crystals or whatever, mongo
type 1 diabetes is already treated naturally, the person with shit genetics dies.