Schizobot q and a

i want to talk to a schizo and ask questions. i won't discredit anything you say because you're "crazy". i just wanna learn more about the illness since its so hard to understand from the outside

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You should open with some questions.

>when did the first signs start to show and how did they manifest themselves?

>do you feel fundamentally detached from reality? in the sense that you are always in a different world, so to speak?

>has your illness gotten progressively worse over time?

>have you lost your ability to feel certain or all emotions partially or fully? if so, which ones?

>what is your typical day like?

i have more. i find it to be a really interesting illness. i frequently write essays on the philosophical meaning of "reality" and so to be able to explore subjective human perception vs reality is really intriguing to me. schizophrenia and related illnesses seemingly exacerbate the disconnect between "inner" and "outer" reality so i find it fun to do research on

1/2
>when did the first signs start to show and how did they manifest themselves?
Around August of last year, about 6 months after a particularly nasty concussion
>do you feel fundamentally detached from reality?
Yes
>in the sense that you are always in a different world, so to speak?
Yes. I had to re read your post about three times because I just couldn't keep myself "here" long enough to get all the information.
>have you lost your ability to feel certain or all emotions partially or fully? if so, which ones?
I was never a particularly empathetic person but now that's almost entirely gone. Although at the same time I've become much better at faking it so if anything I seem much nicer these days. I've come to the conclusion that nothing matters. I know you've heard that a million times around here but I don't mean this as some black pill nonsense. For example, if you were to go to work and spill something on your boss's pants you might be worried that he doesn't like you now. In reality he'll probably forget it by tomorrow. Basically people around you don't actually give a shit and neither should you. I know the npc meme has really gotten old but there is some validity to it, although not in the way that it's traditionally used. After becoming this way, for lack of a better phrase, it seems that about 75% of people are just that, they're set dressing. They go about their routines and have no real meaning. If they were gone one day nothing would change. I genuinely believe such people have no soul (that doesn't mean they're evil, just that they basically aren't real people) and are almost machines. the other 25% or so DO have souls, and do impact things around them. I can easily distinguish between these "real" people and the soulless ones these days.

2/2
>what is your typical day like?
More or less like yours I assume. I'm prone to what people call the 1000 yard gaze, essentially checking out of reality for a bit. Sometimes I converse with the voices in my head during these episodes, other times everything in my head is totally silent. Yes, I know the things I see and voices I hear aren't real to you. That doesn't change the fact that I do perceive them. I also have glean more information from subtle things than the average person, at least from what I can tell. Often I will just sort of know things. I was never told them, they just somehow wound up in my brain and it usually surprises people.
Any other questions you have I'll be glad to answer. I actually very much enjoy talking about these things and have done some research of my own

Do you know anything about other mental illnesses

Trying to figure out which one my clearly mentally ill friend has

Not Op, but do you think you "just knowing things" is related to the disconnect between your reality and the reality around you? As in natural things that everyone, or maybe more intelligent people perceive are perceived by you, but somewhere neurologically it gets fucked up and pushed into the back of your mind?

It could be. I've never been good with examples but it's usually things I realistically shouldn't know. Details about a person I've never met or the location of something someone's lost despite me never actually seeing the thing. I'm aware of how ridiculous it sounds.

Every schizo experiences vastly different things.

Not OP. What were the first signs you started to notice?

Not schizo but my depression meds give me hallucinations so I seem schizo at times.

>Not OP
That's okay
>What were the first signs you started to notice?
Nothing too extreme at first. Rarely I would see what seemed to be shadows moving from the edges of my vision or maybe faces where there were none, like in chipped paint. Slowly over time it progressed to seeing the creatures themselves and not just their movement and hearing voices. I'm not one of those schizos who thinks he's talking to god. I know they're all a figment of my imagination, despite how real they seem.

Wanna actually say what makes them mentally ill?

When you say schizo do you mean schizoid or schizophrenic?

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This sounds like it will backfire and end up making me look worse than I am, but I am open to questions although I would rather do it privately

Schizo bots, did you often feel like the universe was trying to talk to you?
Such as repeating numbers, signs, etc.

I haven't been medically diagnosed as I'm afraid of what would happen to me if I was labeled as one but I'm pretty sure I'm fucked
>when did the first signs start to show and how did they manifest themselves?
late teens. after my dad got arrested for meth and our family broke apart
>do you feel fundamentally detached from reality? in the sense that you are always in a different world, so to speak?
some days yes
>has your illness gotten progressively worse over time?
it hasn't gotten any better
>have you lost your ability to feel certain or all emotions partially or fully? if so, which ones?
no
>what is your typical day like?
a nightmare

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Sometimes when I read certain things it'll have a strange effect on me. It's not even specific phrases either, as far as I know it's totally random. Once an user who knew I was schizo mentioned something about worms and I couldn't keep reading, it was almost like he used some sort of code phrase on me that temporarily messed me up. Another time someone said something while I was angry that instantly put me into a strange sedated state. I still don't understand this, it's something very unnatural but luckily hasn't had any seriously negative effects on me yet

Could you explain what you experiences on day to day basis in regard to hallucinations
What type of delusion is more prominent with your schizophrenia? Is it paranoia, hallucinations (auditory, touch, or visual etc), disorganized speech?

>In reality he'll probably forget it by tomorrow
Oh no no no no no If you KNEW how badly I hold grudges you wouldn't say that

Can a schizophrenic tell me why there's so many of you on this board, when its about only 1% of the population that has schizophrenia?

You wouldn't be larping would you? I mostly think you're all edgy zoomers who like labeling themselves schizo.

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>If you KNEW how badly I hold grudges you wouldn't say that
That's because you're part of the 25%
>You wouldn't be larping would you? I mostly think you're all edgy zoomers who like labeling themselves schizo.
That's right user, there's no such thing as schizos. Time to delete the thread OP!

>I can easily distinguish between these real people and the soulles ones

Could you share an image of someone you think is real?

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>when did the first signs start to show and how did they manifest themselves?

when I was 20 I first noticed voices that others didn't hear, it was just the tip of the iceberg though. It was mostly a woman's voice but sometimes it would be mens voices.

>do you feel fundamentally detached from reality? in the sense that you are always in a different world, so to speak?

no I don't, I feel pretty stuck in reality.

>has your illness gotten progressively worse over time?
It started off mild than spiked and got really really bad and then went away for a number of years then came back just a little bit, it's a roller coaster but as long as I take my meds they are kept at bay.

>have you lost your ability to feel certain or all emotions partially or fully? if so, which ones?

what?

>what is your typical day like?

I actually manage a job considering how well I'm doing on the meds I'm taking.

Schizo is the new autist.

I don't take pictures of the people I see throughout the day. And a picture alone isn't enough, I need to at least see them interacting with someone else.

Schizoid, schizophrenic or schizotypy? Specify you dumb anime poster

Would you agree that a single interaction is too little to judge someone's entire character? Or is it something else telling you that they're soulless ?

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you really dont know how it works

I've seen people post that they're schizoid, and that's a whole lot more believable than hearing they're schizophrenic. Part of me believes that newfags mix them up

I don't know the extent of their character from a single interaction but generally can tell if they're one of the soulless ones or not.
Please don't be rude to him, It's not really something that can be explained to functioning people

Yes very much so, I feel that what happened was my brain was getting all these input stimuli and trying to rationalize why it was experiencing what it was experiencing and came up with all of these explanations for what was going on and why I kept hearing screaming voices

No I really don't know. Personally I think humans are a lot more smarter than you give them credit. They're capable of being just as cynical as you are, and I really don't think first impressions gives you much insight into who they really are.

So how does it work friend?

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im not diagnosed but i think it's possible i'm a genuine schizo. runs in my family and it happened to my older brother.
>when did the first signs start to show and how did they manifest themselves?
when i was a little kid I would hear voices calling me and stuff, i was worried but it went away eventually. I guess the next signs began as i goy older, 18-19 i withdrew a lot. i experiences every single negative symptom and still do mostly. no facial expressions, no strong emotions, no motivation. I became extremely isolated and still am. The next stage began with a endless paranoia that everyone was hiding something from me. No matter how irrational it was I couldnt get over the suspicion. Recently I became extremely convinced everyone is reading my mind, or im somehow accidentally broadcasting my thoughts outward to everyone. I get really bad intrusive thoughts and I believe that my presence is disruptive to those around me because my thoughts are disturbing them. I think ive seem enough signs to prove this is true. i believe lots of events in my surroundings are directly caused by my thoughts. For example if I start looking at porn suddenly my roommates will start walking by my room making noise, even at a time when they are usually sleep. Or I will immediately get a call from a family member even though they have no good reason to be calling me at that time. I think for some reason no one will be honest with me that they can read my mind. I realize how insane this sounds I have no decisions of grandeur.
>do you feel fundamentally detached from reality? in the sense that you are always in a different world, so to speak?
Absolutely.
>has your illness gotten progressively worse over time?
yes, first it was just negative symptoms. only recently has the paranoia intensified
>have you lost your ability to feel certain or all emotions partially or fully? if so, which ones?
i feel no strong emotions, make no facial expressions, i speak in monotone.

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When you say souless do you mean it literally or do you mean it as someone who's afraid of taking risk and seeks comfort in mediocrity?

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By soulless I mean they're like machines, they're just sort of there so that the world seems populated. A world populated only by those with souls, those I would generally call real people, would look like something out of an apocalypse movie. Empty and broken

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do you get random epiphanies?

like im not schizo but i have been getting them a lot lately. and it's like a sudden idea that has to be true and you can't shake. but then like 2 hours later you'll look back and realize it doesn't make sense. but even so, remembering how true it was makes you think that maybe you're just missing something tying the whole idea together. like you forgot the missing puzzle piece.

its happened a lot more recently but idk what it is. maybe just lack of sleep. my most recent one was a vast conspiracy on how all the PDs around the nation are taking orders from secret lines that go up the command chain so that they can keep the population under their thumb. docile, castrated, and domesticated.

i don't think i have hallucinations though which is why i don't think im schizo. maybe mistaking a really faint voice of my mom but nothing crazy or repetitive

Not at all.
>like im not schizo but i have been getting them a lot lately.
The way you keep trying to assure us you're not a schizo makes me think you're exactly that

what are the voices in your head like? are they different to your own etc.

i have my own voice in my head that i talk to in a way but im not sure if its just internal dialogue or something else

>im not sure if its just internal dialogue
It most likely is. I had that long before any of this other stuff.
>what are the voices in your head like?
Each has their own distinct personality I can easily tell them apart. Sometimes there are new ones, although usually the new ones are only temporary. As for auditory hallucinations I sometimes hear voices of people I know but it's always very quiet.

im not schizo but im fucked up in a weird way i dont know what it is.

its not constant but will happen at varrying levels, sometimes a dull background thing sometimes its agonizingly loud.
but like, its a violent uncomfortableness. im hyper aware of ever organ and muscle and bone, it feels horrible.
but the real part of it is these like, visions. my head keeps telling me horrible things are happening to me. i dont actually see or feel them but its like getting visions of it. my bones being shattered and limbs crushed, veins being ripped out, being repeatedly impailed. like my primal part of my brain is telling me its happening but its not

maybe its a form of paranoia? like "hey this could happen to you at ANY SECOND" or something. i dont know but im amazed i havent killed myself yet

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once i smelled an old pair of leather sandals i had and hadn't washed in years, really close up, and it was like i was inhaling god.

>when did the first signs start to show and how did they manifest themselves?
I'd like to change my answer, as the poster above reminded me of my actual first signs. It was very much like this
>visions. my head keeps telling me horrible things are happening to me.my bones being shattered and limbs crushed, veins being ripped out, being repeatedly impailed.

i object to the use of the term schizophrenia. you should stop labeling yourselves so willingly with it. it's not cool, it's not cute, and people will use it against you for the rest of your life.

if someone pours poison into the river, we don't label the whole river polluted, similarly i am very apprehensive about these labels for mental experiences that carry an air of permanency to them, such that they follow an individual through life.

who would believe you, if you were diagnosed and labelled a schizophrenic, that you had attained to a newfound clarity, via whatever means brought you there? you will be met with extreme skepticism, perhaps even forced to continue your medication. you essentially give up power over your own life when you accept their diagnosis, even if it does happen to accurately note your present symptoms.

i think you would be better off first informing someone close to you like a good friend of your experiences and symptoms, and then working on yourself, trying various things to change your perspectives and fix your bad thought patterns and to gain some more control over your overall experience of life. simple things like a change in breathing can work wonders, you may just be overlooking something so simple, like how shallow quick breaths exacerbate your anxiety, and even without solving the mental side of it all, you can restore calmness by intentionally slowing your breathing.

>>visions. my head keeps telling me horrible things are happening to me.my bones being shattered and limbs crushed, veins being ripped out, being repeatedly impailed.

that's good survival paranoia. ever seen how squirrels live? they are constantly imagining what will happen if they let their guard down and get caught by a cat.

>it's not cool, it's not cute
Don't be that jackass. No one thinks it is.
> informing someone close to you like a good friend of your experiences and symptoms
I have. and yet here I am posting to you.
> like how shallow quick breaths exacerbate your anxiety
I don't doubt it but asthma being what it is, or am I making that up to be cute too?

you underestimate how many people are eager to self-diagnose and label themselves with this or that, without truly comprehending the long term consequences of it. they will even lead doctors to the diagnosis of their predetermined choice. don't act so self-righteous, i'm just trying to deflate those balloons who want to write themselves off prematurely in their youth.

>makes me think you're exactly that
people think im weird but im not diagnosed with schizo

There are supernatural events going around us all the time , when a voice tells me that some shit i never had the concept of will happen very soon and that shit happens , That's not schizophrenia , that's motherfucking intel from a ghost or whatever the fuck it is , i call them farts because i can't see them and 99% of the time they do nothing but polute the air with their trolling.

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