Depression thread #2 Involuntary hospitalization edition

This is a safe place to just vent your thoughts, especially share stories in relation to hospitalization. I will start in the next post.

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I'm one more failed suicide attempt away from being thrown into a hospital, they're already sending me to a literal care home for retards soon and I can't leave the house without the police being called atm, I can't fail the next one man


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I was in the hospital for 4 weeks 1 month prior to the story.

>early April 2019
>come to my psychiatrist appointment with my parents
>tell her that I tried to hang myself
>she starts saying I have to go back to the hospital
>say fuck no
>she says it is not negotiable
>run away
>she calls police
>hide in the woods
>send my dad messege for the cops to stop searching for me or I am not coming back
>meet up with parents
>we go eat
>police says I must show up at the police station
>go there
>they detain me until ambulance comes
>paramedic asks if I am going to go voluntarily, if not police will use force
>go voluntarily
>tell the psychiatrist in the hospital this is one big misunderstanding, lie that I haven't tried to commit suicide
>she says that I must stay atleast until morning
>repeat my bullshit story to visit doctor the next morning
>they let me out

I actually liked my psychiatrist prior, I trusted her, but she betrayed me...

Fuck I hate our society, forcing people to live their shitty lives. Worst thing, people get praised for "helping" the sick, aka throwing people in the hospitals.

Everyone throughout my life looked down on me and neglected me. One day soon, I will take my life into my own hands for once; suicide.

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What is stopping you right now?

No clean method or the will.

>Be an artist
>commissions go great
>live exclusively off art commissions
>work 12-14 hours a day, but it's fine, because I love art, I keep promising myself I'll be working less, but I never want to disappoint people I work for, so I accept all commissions
>get married, move to a new flat
>the neighbor is a meth junkie, and for months he's screaming at nights and destroys his flat
>don't sleep at nights, get tired
>he finally gets kicked out
>get my wife pregnant, get a new, bigger flat, to accomodate the child
>renovate the flat, while taking care of the wife, and working
>the child is born
>don't sleep at nights anymore, still try to work, but commissions are falling apart, the child and wife at home are a distraction, can't focus on the job
>turns out the child needs physiotherapy, stress is piling up
>finally the child is admitted to a nursery/preschool
>the kid gets sick every 2 weeks in the preschool
>my life for the past few years is: wake up at 7am, get the child to preschool, work, cook a dinner, eat, work, do housework, work, take care of the child, sleep.
>get suicidal to the point I don't care I'd leave my wife or my child alone. I just want to hang myself
>dozens of messages from people I work for because I'm late. I don't read them, I don't reply. I'm too anxious to do it, even though I finished most of their works.
>Muster strength to visit a doctor
Hopefully the drugs will start working soon.

how do u even fail a suicide?

Does anyone know how to get a tank of nitrogen gas so I can asphyxiate myself?

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Fucking shit. I've been some days in coma in the first week of the year. Tried suicide with benzos, unfortunately my mother found me in my room and sent me to the hospital. I woke up a few days later and could barely walk.

Yup, I always lie when that question pops up.

All I do now is drink, smoke weed, eat and visit escorts/whores. I live at home with my parents, and I want to save up enough money to move out, but I just can't, I used to just smoke weed and was starting to save money, but I can't take it, I started drinking and going to working girls cause I am so fucking lonely, I keep telling myself MAYBE I can meet someone if I move out and get a car, but It's so deppressing seeing my brother, who has had a girlfriend since high school and now they are buying a house together.
I visit whores because I just want to feel loved so fucking bad, but I feel like I am just not gonna find anyone and thats pretty much how I justify it to myself, like even if I do save money even if I got two jobs and worked my ass off until it split open, I still might not even find someone I love.
I don't even know why it's such big deal to me now, just my monkey brain telling me to pair up and increase the herd I guess. I am only 23 and don't find myself ugly, hurt myself or hate myself, I actually have a positive attitude and joke around with people in my family and at work, but theres just this fucking void I can never fill and if I think about it.. I just feel nothing now.
I feel like This can just be my life honestly, sad, but whatever. I feel numb at this point. Kinda nice actually.

I lost my apprenticeship on a shipyard 2 months ago, my parents know now that i dont have a job anymore, my depressions kicks so hard i dont really leave my room anymore, also my savings last only for one monthly rent and food for a week,i think im gonna do it today fuck this bullshit life

>Started actually dealing with all my shit earlier this year because I finally realised just how bad it's always been
>Every time I'm about to talk about something I either get mad, or I just lose all interest in talking about it
>Either extremely messed up and about to break down, or I feel absolutely nothing
>Whenever I actually want to start talking about things, I realise just how abstract my thoughts are, and I can't explain it
>Most of the time I just want to say fuck it and drop it all (again)
>Can't do that because I need to fix these things in order to function

i'm depressed and lonely and i have like 5 friends that i don't think i can reach out to because i don't even know what to talk about and i kind of just want to blow my brains out.

>Get wife
>Have child
Play stupid games when stupid prizes.

same - except only 1 friend and he doesn't empathize or seem to really have the depth to have any worthwhile conversation with about it

holy fuck this
I can't even explain this phenomenon
I will simply just try to think about my situation and how depressed it makes me, not even try to think of a solution and then suddenly my mind just jumps to the next thought.
I can't tell if maybe its some form of coping mechanism but I think my mind is just overactive.

>Did absolutely nothing to prepare for the future
>Have lived with my parents for the past few years
>Too much of a lazy piece shit to do anything
>My parents are going to kick me out soon and I have nothing else to fall back on
>If I kill myself, it would only cement how weak of a person eveyone assumed me to be

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I can only speak for myself, but doctors and my friend (we have a diagnosis in common) say that it's my brain shutting down because it's been too much, too long. I just want to be able to hold a normal average job, and live a normal calm life. I hate that I have to struggle to just reach the bare-minimum.

Tall Building onto active street + gasoline bath + sleeping pills OD prior to lighting up and falling down

Guaranteed painless. For you!

Let this be a lesson. They are not your friends.

>feel like I need to talk to someone
>don't want to talk to coworkers because of fear of saying something personal to someone I don't know well
>no friends to talk to
>end up venting emotions onto threads on r9k
>get 1 reply
>'lol gay'

I feel it. I post here maybe every 4, 5 months, or other random long stretches when I'm feeling pretty on the edge. And they pretty much never get any responses.

This was me today user.
Just had another breakdown because I finally figured out I have aspergers and also my whole family has to deal with past trauma and my sisters alcoholism has gotten so bad, I have to put together an intervention while I live out of state. Everything just hit at once. Tried to keep it together at work, my boss has been so meticulously pointing out my mannerisms and mistakes that I tried talking to him about it and he has no empathy. Legit has NPD but doesn't "believe" in mental illness. He just started arguing with me while I was just trying to open up about how I feel. No empathy is something I've never dealt with before.

Pretend you're a femanon+virgin. You'll get loads of support.

>get married
stopped reading there

>Just had another breakdown because I finally figured out I have aspergers
>He just started arguing with me while I was just trying to open up about how I feel.
>No empathy is something I've never dealt with before
Your life is objectively not hard, stop being a fucking bitch, stop self diagnosing, stop whining just because your boss didnt want to lsiten to your emo bullshit. You sound like a woman, Im serious.

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Welding store

I am a virgin, but I'm not really bothered by it. I've been content with lying about it and plan on actually "trying" to actually talk to fems romantically, etc. I mean, simple idea, but one where you can't really phrase it in a non-awkward or cringey way.

Ouch, intense ish. I have ADHD and it's def been a big thorn in my side, but the loneliness has been the prime downer this past two years or so. I don't think you'll ever really find an empathetic boss. Corporate America at large is simply built not to let mental health remotely mess with SOP. Don't know what advice I could offer that would be worthwhile, and I almost always try to do so.

A sibling having a deep addiction that potentially can take years to fix with a lot of traumatic emotions and events/outbursts in addition to all that? I mean, for someone on r9k of all places, you gotta be a serious deep-end cunt to just jut all that out the window and peddle your "just be tough" shit.

>Been single my entire adult life (only one meaningless relationship with a morbidly obese girl).
>Physically repulsive and socially retarded.
>Have one friend I feel like I can share my problems with, but he's tired of hearing about it.
>Let my parents talk me into going to a hospital for treatment, ended up getting a psychiatric hold.
>Try online dating every couple of months and it makes me want to kill myself.
>Afraid to do it.
How do I go about this guys? I have an untreated heart condition but I'm tired of waiting for it to take me.

I don't even know if I really want to kill myself, I just want to be free from the worries and expectations of life and not feel bad all the time

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