Personality flaws

Why do you push people away? original

I hope you will (or maybe you already have) people who will help, close tight-knit friends are nice in any case aye?
Do you feel safe here? On the internet?
How would you like for people to approach you, talk to you? Is it the people who make you anxious or the things they do? Also my sister is like that, I don't know how to help her, I don't know if I should even.
Is there any control you have over this at all? Is it possible to forcefully stay self-aware?
This is quite sad because I share a lot of that, I'm very ego-centered too, it's not nice, since I know I am like that

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I'm very bad at keeping up with people. I tend to wait for them to contact me before I talk to them, so it often looks like I'm just completely ignoring them.

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>This is quite sad because I share a lot of that, I'm very ego-centered too, it's not nice, since I know I am like that
The short version is called anhedonia (social) or major depressive disorder

>Do you feel safe here? On the internet?
Sorta. Just have to avoid getting triggered otherwise I get flashbacks and it fucks my shit up

People enjoy being around me and I make them genuinely laugh, yet I keep pulling away and make myself lonely. I don't know why I keep doing this when I want to be close to people and like the company. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I get scared and overwhelmed.

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because i change over time, if i dont see someone every day i cant deal with acting the way i used to, so i ghost everyone and end up friendless
>approach you
doesnt work unless they try really hard which never happened, im very closed off to everyone, i forgot to mention im also very shy, i guess what makes me anxious is not being able to act like everyone else

>genuinely don't care about others
>don't care about their stories or what they want to tell me
>its really tiresome to deal with them
>pretend I care about what people are talking about, pretend to like some people, go out with them etc
>can easily hold a conversation, meet new people, make friends etc.
>some people even describe me as somewhat extroverted
>pretend so that if I stopped pretending they wouldn't start asking questions about why I'm not pretending anymore
>literally painted myself into a corner
I sometimes think about just stopping one day and dismissing everyone with "yeah, I'm fine" etc but I'm not sure if the amount of questions and concern I'd get wouldn't overwhelm me. I just want to go back to middle school where it all started and make sure I make the right choice this time.

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>Is there any control you have over this at all?
I'm glad you asked that because I've been thinking about this. On the one hand, I'm not sure I am in control; I mean, I can't predict what I'll encounter throughout the day that'll set off a trigger that causes some depressive or manic thought. But on the other hand, I also feel like I'm making myself emotional just to feel something, you know what I mean? Like I focus on these sad, depressing thoughts and focus on the pain that it causes me. I'll listen to sad music and go on long doomer walks. And then when I feel manic, I feel the need to spill verbal diarrhoea over every social media platform that I have.
In terms of control over my self-awareness, I don't think so. I try to do CBT, but all that does is make things worse. The only time I can get away from these thoughts is when I'm busy thinking about something else. I find it hard to just "not think about it", unless I'm distracted by talking to friends or playing a game or watching a movie, and even then they aren't perfect solutions.
>Is it possible to forcefully stay self-aware?
I guess, yeah. The more I give into the thoughts, the more intense it gets and the further down the rabbit hole I go. Like I said, if I'm not occupied with something, these thoughts start to weigh on me. It's the same logic as "idle hands are the devil's work", so recently I've been going to the gym because I'll have something else to occupy my headspace.

Hi Shinku, sometimes this is a good thing! Only people very interested in you will approach you, it means they're serious about wanting to know you!
Yes, I was diagnosed with MDD
At least you have a "safe-zone" of a sorts right? Even if life is hard you always have somewhere to come back, maybe even have people waiting for you.
It's quite sad isn't it, I couldn't think off a way to approach someone with anxiety no matter how much I tried, so I ended giving up like anyone else, it's sad really, all I can do is just ask them to calm down, I'm not going to hurt them, but that's rude, and might push me away from them even more.
If being with other people isn't bringing you joy then why do it? Can't you tell your friends that you don't feel like listening to them all the time? It's normal, tell them that you have your own life to keep on track.
Gym seems like a great idea, you could also pick up instruments! They're also a great occupier.

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How about being a fake ass bitch and pretending to care about others when deep down you only care about the reward

laziness. i could have learned to do a bit of modding these past 3 years. instead i drank and watched anime

I only enjoy associating with people generally considered to be lesser than everyone else. Despite the fact that I treat them as human they eventually tire of my friendship.

I'm too blunt and they don't like when I say the obvious instead of drawing it out like one of their TV dramas. Why the fuck do people ask questions they know the answer to already, and why do they get pissed off when I remind them that they already know the answer?

>you could also pick up instruments! They're also a great occupier.
Yeah I was thinking about that a bit. Might learn the piano at some point.

I have no discipline at all and easily give up when something is not going my way

Im am retard

You sound very feminine.

what is your birthday user?

its in may, why are you asking? i dont believe in horoscope stuff

Does help out sometimes. I should really work on it though.

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Materialism isn't rare these days, I think along the way you still care about them at least a bit.
Everyone enjoys being lazy, but are the memories you made good? Do you want to be like this? If not, why not consider changing bit by bit.
This is somehow incredibly sad, maybe people don't like feeling like they're being pitied?
Piano is good! I've played piano for around 4 years, it's a good instrument, takes quite a bit of patience to learn though.
It's easy to give up, have you ever tried not to? Progress is slow, and you never notice it, keep something physical you can look at after a long time, to show yourself how much you've improved.
Nope, not a femanon. just a fellow user, although melancholy flows through these veins so I sound a bit more feminine in text.

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I have always been a coward. It shames me to admit it but I know it is true.

The most I feel for anyone else is apathy. All too often I consider most no more than an annoying pest that cant be relied on whatsoever. And far too often I am proven right.
Like you said, TV dramas. They want to act like one of those meme characters in some meme show.

I'm submissive. I behave as if I don't care about myself and take up bad habits to reduce any inhibitions I might have to keep myself docile and complacent.

I envy those who can drop all responsibility and duty in exchange for personal moral or decadent fulfillment, I sacrifice both for fear of failing.

My ultimate stand is:
>recognize how shitty someone's being in less than a milisecond
>never keep in contact with them anymore

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>>recognize how shitty someone's being in less than a milisecond
>never actually speak about it, just pretending I don't hate them

The first part sounds like it refers to single incidents, whereas the latter sounds like a continuous feeling. Are you a grudge holder?

I don't really have a personality. I adopt whatever "personality" I think will get me where I need to be. That obviously changes over time and it makes me look fake and shallow, which I suppose is a fair judgement. I don't know how to stop it though. I don't know if I have my own personality.

ur just a pussai.

u watch anime by chance?

did you have abusive parents growing up by any chance?

No not really. Not for a few years anyway.
Yeah kinda, we had a pretty rough household.

Bump, I want to know the answer to this

I bet you're great at job interviews

I don't give a shit about anything, be it my apperance or reputation. I also don't care to change that. I could be decent looking and a well rounded productive member of society, but I don't want to do that since I have no motivation to be another boring white collar asshole. Maybe it's a flaw, maybe it's wisdom. I won't pretend to know what the difference between those two are, since I know that I know nothing. I do wish I could care about more, but I'm too apathetic to do anything about that too. I just wish I had a reason to do anything, and I'm fully aware that I'm my only obstacle.

>boring
bonuses:
doormat
insecure
jealous
depressed
anxious
retarded

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My lack of self control.I do things without even noticing I've done it.

I am a coward to the bone.

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