/depression/ -1st edition

Give me the energy i need to study for my exam in 2 days, robots

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For the past week ive lost all interest in video games which was the main comfort in my life, I feel so lonely.

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I've been feeling this lately. No interest in my usual copes, vidya and anime just bore me. Even hiking makes me feel like shit. Just sitting in bed all day rotting.

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>depressed for years
>start drinking
>family suddenly worried about me
>stop drinking
>nobody gives a shit about me anymore

just let me die of alcoholism in peace

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I stopped talking to people because I was sad.
Now I can't remember how to talk to people.
I just wish being alone was a choice again.

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been looking to be an hero, but rose tinted vision at the end which seems to be a last ditch effort to persevere my life at the instinctual level. gotta day it's pretty strong, though i have been doing things to "improve" like going out and trying to be social, but still here on Jow Forums like a faggot. granted i am drunk and high, but I'm not feeling anxious or suicidal. i made a few threads looking for talking after my suicide "hype" thread. i think ive been doing okay and now that i dont look like a asian lesbian, i my crippled with the reasonable negative thoughts. im still out "improving" being around people so gonna be hard to respond to other people, but im gonna be responding to whoever wants to talk.
tldr: wanna die, but maybe. ill respond to you as best i can but social might make it hard
t. normiegobacktor/suicide

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This and it's very insulting to the people like us.

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agreed, it's fucking cruel. Drinking and being impulsive seem like the only things that keep me from just ending it. Also avogado is good taste

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I'm too depressed to even write a tangible post trying to garner the few half assed (yous) this site can muster as some kind of fake empathy.

10/10
youtube.com/watch?v=2ygsCN9v20I

Keep on writing. This is a safezone.

i thought getting a job would help me feel less like a worthless piece of shit but i was wrong, i have two now and i still feel like im garbage

Today was worse than most days. Absolutely felt like shit from the moment I woke up. Only got out of bed to piss and nothing else. Considering going to the doctor and getting put on benzos to at least numb everything. Already tried the threpay and SSRI memes multiple times and they do nothing.

im wasting my life away but theres nothing else for me to do other than study (which i barely can in this state), sleep and play games. what else is there? i cant get a job with my shit uni schedule and all that so i have no money to get out of my house and do anything. theres nothing to do in my house. im bored and all my friends are just other people's friends.

i dont want to complain but im sick of wasting my life away. maybe im just having another episode.

I tried the benzo route for 2 years (Klonopin 2mg a day). They really do just make you numb in the best way. The withdrawals weren't as bad as people made them seem desu. good luck user

I get more neetbux than 99% of the world from my PTSD and it's not even close to worth it. Had this shit for like 9 years or so and it's a fucking nightmare figurative and literally. I have all the free time in the world, but no motivation to do anything. No hobbies, relationships, goals, etc. I just rot away. I wake up and check the same websites and waste away.

I am depressed because of the background radiation of cumulative failures to fulfill my potential.

It seems like everything in my life is a story of "but then it got worse".

I finally got back into the workplace about a year ago.

I have big dreams and I fall short of every one of them. I haven't actually achieved anything of note in my entire life, and I'm pushing down 30 like no tomorrow.

Everyone thinks I'm a lot smarter than I actually am. They expect more of me and I expect more of myself, and I continually fall short.

I am actually quantitatively a worthless and shitty human being.

Thats why I don't really have any friends.

I wish I could cope via substance abuse and just lull myself into a drug induced trance, but the worst part is that I'd be aware of it. Thats the path to suicide, if I give that little bit I'll give way and the flood will rush in. Sanity is like a sponge, you can only soak up so much before you lose your grip.

i hope you can find happiness somehow user, although reality is cruel to those who aren't fortunate enough to be mentally well

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I can't even distract myself with the numbness of video games and other varieties of entertainment anymore. Nothing is actually stimulating. It's hard to find something that can actually maintain it's allure long enough to forget about the pain. And as soon as it goes off, everything comes rushing back from the myopic stupor you induced for a handful of hours.

How many hours of my life have I wasted doing absolutely nothing of value?Too many.

Why are all my experiences in the real world negative to the nth degree?

When was the last time I was happy, or was I just distracted? I remember, that ended pretty quickly when I woke up to what was actually going on, and I caught on pretty fast. If I'm being honest that was doomed from the start too.

We're living in a doomed world full of the damned waiting to die, and I'm not even looking forward to that either, because death is the end of hope.

I hope tomorrow will be better. Maybe something will change, even though I know it probably won't.

fucking yay
>opinion towards life
Only 7 months clinically depressed. Maybe, I will just get used to the idea that life is just THIS much of a struggle. Right now, I'm just mentally preparing myself for all future bad feelings (feeling unwanted, regret for lost time). I hope (hope) that I overcome my shit and emerge from the ashes but I'm setting my expectations low because of the fear of disappointment.

sadness/depression gatekeeping? lmao

Depression is a curse. It goes up and down in intensity but it never goes away entirely.

What I wonder is why I even hope? I should give up and give way, let everything flow in and just give it all up.

Instead I continue, toiling away at work and working hard to be productive and cut corners to save money, to maybe build a home for a wife and kids I'll probably never have. I'm a damaged and unbalanced individual with way too many issues for anyone to even consider tackling.

It would take too much energy.

That's the farce.

We are mentally well, and it all really is shit. The insane ones are the ones that willingly deal with the society in which we live, and constantly compromise themselves.

We as a people have to deal with thousands of integrated systems on a daily basis, and we definitely aren't evolved enough to cope with all of this shit surrounding us, even if we feel we are capable enough of it

People use diagnoses as a crutch to give them a reason for their behavior, like it's somehow justified because some individual with no real hard data said so from a position of respect and authority.

mental illness is a catch all term, it's a fabricated industry.

I'm depressed and stressed out my career and job i'm gonna get going to community college, it will be my first time so I gotta do shitty prep classes then do my fucking useless I.T degree that I feel like won't get me anywhere, I have to go to college or my parents will kick me out anyways, I only picked I.T cause I like being on the computer and nothing else, i'm fucking scared idk what to do with my life. I literally just graduated from high school.

How the fuck are you actually supposed to cope with all of these surrounding elements, a cumulation of failcascading issues that cause your life to fall apart.

Read all kinds of normie bullshit like: exercise, go into nature, talk to people...
Forced myself to do all that shit for three days thnking what if it works, ended up drinking again instead.

Ground my teeth flat doing that

>Feeling depressed.

>Not angry and filled with hate at your lot in life.

GTFO dead weight board ruining scum.

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I'm half drunk typing this. So I'm going pretty slowly. I just drank a bottle of 13.7 ameatur wine my cousin gve me. I mixed with fruit punch then Arizona when that ran dry.
I've been trying to kill myself since 1 pm, currently 2:56 or so. I get up f4om the chair on my porch, no longer feel as strong of an urge to get up to the made hanging belt w comfort towel, sit back down and get back to drinking and browsing memes online. Hoping someone I texted earlier tpoday would chat back. Id; ebe a fucking poser other way, seeming as though I just want attention anf I dont legitimentally want to kill myself. Maybe I donj't. matybe I'm just a pessimist who wants attention. I dont know bros. I think myabe most of lal I want someone to come out, see me like this and try to hek. Even if it goes nowhere, you know?

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Just eat some ice cream

The hollowness in my soul can't be filled. There's a permanent hole where love, joy, happiness used to reside. No point doing anything. Nothing touches this empty shell. Only death to look forward to.

Haven't been taking my anti-depressants lately and been drinking heavily to cope with the baggage and loneliness, mom wants me to check into rehab but I don't know if it'll be much help. All I want to do i drink and it's apparently affecting everyone around me, idk anons my life is constantly filled with depression and paranoia I can't even bring myself to study or get a job, I had to borrow $25 off my sister to pay for smokes. It's all so tiresome but on the bright side a mate and I are moving into an apartment together, hopefully the change of scenery will motivate me more to actually achieve something for myself

are these drawings you made user?

Just get laid brah

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Out of anything, why was I cursed to overthink? to feel unwanted by everyone? to feel constantly sad and upset? especially by the most littlest and irrelevant things.
why do i feel the desire to not want to be here when everyone around me wants to be here? why is it when i try and regain hope, life pushes the hope in the dirt and digs it 6 feet down right back to where it was?

but it's ok, because they will do is tell me my life is just getting started because i'm in college and everything will be fine. but it won't be, they've been saying that for years.

i never use Jow Forums. ive come here maybe 4 times in my life. all my lowest points to vent and read about other people's problems in threads like this. i've been institutionalized to a psyche ward voluntarily twice, idk why i went, i needed a space to just calm down.

why do i keep on pushing expecting different results when it's the same shit, different date on the calendar?

my distraction used to be video games and sometimes porn. i can't even jack off happy anymore. the pleasure you get from ejaculation? i don't get it anymore.

i can't play single player games for hours anymore, i can't even play multiplayer/online games anymore unless it's with friends.

the same friends i've pushed away without meaning to, to the point where we don't talk or even know each other anymore.

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not OP here, but they're from a japanese artist named avogado. all his stuff is on twitter @avogado6

>being depressed because I'm doing nothing
>doing nothing because I'm depressed

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ever since my mom died i haven't had the same outlook on life i don't feel motivated to do anything i hate waking up in the morning knowing she won't be there for me i hate knowing that nobody will ever love me the same i have breakdowns almost daily thinking that I could have prevented her from dying, the last time I spoke to my mom I was trying to convince her to go to the hospital but she refused and i constantly beat myself up knowing this

All i want is to be loved and to have true friendships

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>life looks great on paper
>exercise, sleep, eat normally
>still miserable

Welp anons, at least I tried I guess

Depressed because I can't find a job. I'm so desperately broke it's a joke. Anyone in the same boat?

>tfw anxiety so bad I freak out when there's more than one person working with me or any customers in the store I work in
>tfw spend hours with a horrible feeling in my stomach, wanting to die every single day for no reason
>tfw anxious anyone who hasn't completely abandoned me yet will, making me feel like s hopeless lost cause
>tfw meds don't help, the only thing that would is benzos and doctors don't prescribe them anymore
is suicide the right way out