Greentext one line describing a story from your life and only expand if others are interested

>friend wants to chill with me
>he says "let's go to that gypsy he's with ugly girls and he has weed"
>we meet in city
>gypsy gives 5g weed and says make a joint with a little bit of weed.
>make a joint but put the weed into my jeans bc he's high already and won't notice
>the girls were only there bc the gypsy wanted to give them the 5g
>go home with the 5g and my friend
>he calls my friend and asks where the weed is bc the girls need it lol
>"you probably lost it bro"

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Stole a Corvette stingray at my grad party

I feel like this isn't as dramatic as you're making it out to be but fire away

pls expand

(also everyone trying to tell cool fun stories to make themselves seem cool (like this faggot) needs to fuck right off. this is r9k ffs)

>sophomore year of college
>spent most of the year drinking and partying instead of actually studying or even going to classes
go to class boys and girls, really
>typical weekend
>live in 2 bedroom apartment with 3 others
>share room with a good friend
>other room is shared by two randos
>one is okay, just plays vidya in the living room all day
>other is a pasty dude who always asks what me and my roommate are doing
>me and roomie make our way to pregame at a friend's apt and spend the night at a house party or two
>nothing really happens and we end up walking back home around 4am
>come back, drunk and exhausted as shit
>roomie wants to cook brats so he heads to kitchen
>i tell him i mgoing to pass out and walk toward our room
>layout of apartment has living room as soon as you enter and a hallway to the left tha had our two bedrooms and a shared bathroom at the very end
>i see a fat girl naked and dripping water crawling on her hands and knees towards me
>she suddenly slumps over onto her back and just lays there
>wierd pasty roomie comes out of his room and tries to get her to wake up
>tells us she was really drunk and he was trying to sober her up by putting her in the tub and turning on cold water on her
>bro roomie and i in disbelief telling him that was dangerous as fuck
>bro roomie not as drunk so tells me to go to sleep and he'll handle things
>wake up next day and hear he called a friend through her phone and had them pick beetle girl up
>pasty roomie did his best to avoid us after that night

>tfw was at one of my high school tennis matches when one of the opposing player's drunk dad almost beat one of our players up and there was a 20+ person scrum in front of the bus.

>let head of security into black market vendor hall at a con
Good times

post post post origenal

>I stayed at home and missed out on life

I wanna hear about both of these

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>Almost committed a breaking and entering

>i let a man piss in my mouth 5 minutes ago

Vendor hall guy here
>be me, con staff member a few years back
>high up, head of a department even
>the con is for a fandom with a huge porn market and has a containment board of its own
>get my friends involved in the con in various capacities
>one guy, absolute degenerate, loves the porn and wishes he could buy the porn posters and stuff in a normal vendor hall
>through a series of mostly irrelevant events he ends up running a black market vendor hall in one of the hotel suites each night before the party in that room
>lines out the door
>literally lining the hall to get inside this room
>I'm running door guard
>con security and his wife walk up to me
>asks me what's going on in there but all sly cause he knows full well whats inside
>asks if he can go in
>let him in cause hes a good dude/head of security
>he and his wife go in
>come out 15 minutes later, his wife has an envelope
>only the most degenerate porn that gets sold under the table at the black market vendor hall gets put in envelopes

The head of security was an older guy too, I told the guy running it about how he came up to the door and we had a good life
Bit of an unrelated side note: degenerates with weird porn interests are some of the nicest people I've ever met

>Senior year of high school
>Going to our final tennis match of the season, away at the opposing team's courts
>It was a match we could maybe win, and we needed it if we wanted to go to the state tournament
>For that reason, my coach stacked the draw and put me at the #1 position even though I wasn't good enough for that, so the players better than me could play worse opponents
>I lose very quickly
>Everyone else still playing
>Find our coach, he tells me to watch our #5 player's match because strange stuff might be going on
>#5 player has a history of giving opponents bad calls
>He's on a court kind of far away from me so it's hard to tell, but it seems like that's what he's doing again now
>Kek since he's on our team and everything
>His opponent seems like a meek guy, genuinely nice and not bold enough to call him out on it
>Everyone said the kid looked like Ed Sheeran or something
>This guy's dad is watching from the other side of the fence though, about five feet away from the court
>He has been complaining increasingly loudly about the bad calls against his kid
>Coach says he thinks the guy's drunk
>I didn't believe him at first
>Our #5 wins the first set of the match, illegitimately
>Drunk dad slurs directly to him for the first time
>#5 can be confrontational, so he doesn't back down
>Says none of his line calls were wrong
>Drunk dad gets louder and clings to the fence a bit
>#5, true provocateur, says "SIR, SIR, CALM DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE FENCE" loudly enough for everyone on the entire venue to hear him
>Our coach and opposing team's coach can't ignore this now
>They both meet on the court where this match is happening
>They're both angry, but mediate the situation
>They have one player from both of our teams act as line judges in the match so no more bad calls can happen
>Coach comes back, pissed, says this probably isn't over
>It wasn't over
Cont.

>The drunk dad is still talking to our #5 player after every point
>#5 is just confidently dismissing him at this point
>About half the matches are done now, so other teammates have joined me and the coach
>The match continues for a little bit with line judges
>At some point, drunk dad gets up and starts yelling louder than ever
>"THE WHOLE TEAM IS A BUNCH OF CHEATING LITTLE ASSHOLES"
>He must be claiming the line judge from our team is also biased
>#5 gets in his face yet again
>Some of our players are yelling at #5 not to engage at all
>The coaches convene on the court again
>This time, the opposing coach is pissed at our #5
>She says he's very obviously been giving bad calls and is now instigating
>#5 and drunk dad are arguing while our coach and their coach are simultaneously arguing
>This is becoming very kino
>Soon enough, our coach senses that things are getting way too out of hand
>Tells the opposing coach if she's accusing us of cheating then the match is over
>He calls from the courts for all of us to get our things and get ready to leave
>Everyone from our team hurries to get their shit
>People from both teams moving all over the place
>I see from the other side of the courts the drunk dad
>He's moving surprisingly fast
>Point this out to others and we try to speed it up
>Drunk dad reaches us just as #5 does too
>Drunk dad says something like "YOU OUGHTA GET FUCKED UP KID"
>General pandemonium, unintelligible yelling ensues
>The 20 or so kids and our coach are in between #5 and drunk dad
>Drunk dad's Ed Sheeran kid looks like he's about to burst into tears
>Our bus driver speeds around from the other side of the parking lot before the drunk dad gets to #5 player
>We all run to the bus and GTFO
Best fucking day ever

That was better than what i even expected, made me laugh thank you

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Glad I could please, cons are wild if you go to the right ones

holy shit that is fuckin hilarious, what a guy showing up to his son's game drunk as shit, i love it

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Ok user. Here it goes
>be me
>have a seminar about myocardium infarct at uni
>it's for the general pathology subject
>I'm in group of 3 people, me and 2 girls
>my gf has just broke up with me in the presentation day
>srink fucking tonms of wine before going to uni
>arrive late at the seminar
Now things get a bit muddy, I was too drunk to remember the details but:
>present the seminar, don't even know what I'm talking
>go to the female bathroom
>throw up a lot
>vomit in my tshirt
>go back to the auditorium
>sit next to a guy in the frot row of the auditorium
>he talks to me go outside
>itsdarkalreadywtf.jpeg
>look at the clock, it's 8PM desu
>notice my tshirt is vomited af
>there's a half-eaten lollipop inside my left front pocket and a melted half-eaten chocolate bar inside my right rear pocket
>i can't remeber anything

>was almost molested by my first grade teacher

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Bump keep this thread going

>First time sex, ended up smeared in shit

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>clipped through my desk chair during a mental blackout with no cause

tfw watched a McDonalds employee nearly fucking kill someone over an egg McMuffin

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Wtf how details ???

Fucking expand

Lemme guess, they forgot the Canadian bacon?

>tfw whenever I hear Escape From the City I remember my dad's dead body

English is not my native language so I will try to make it as clear as possible
>17yo, never touched a woman
>GF, 17yo as well but with a little experience
>I don't really know what to do
>She says "Don't worry i'll go on top"
>She goes on top, moving her thighs as if I was a dildo or something
>OK.jpg
>Doesn't feel much but boner is still OK
>She comes on her own
>Bad noise
>Bad smell
>Wrong sensation
>Turns out she had a bad case of explosive diarrhea
>Suddenly I understand
>Shit on my balls, on my legs, on my bed, everything is shit
"WTF no"
>boner.exe has stopped working
>I throw her on the side, then immediately take the sheets and me to the bathtub
>Walk on them while I was on the way to the bathroom
>I fall down on the sheets I was carrying
>My face is covered in beige diarrhea
>I Start puking
>GF sobs and rushes the water closet
>She gets out after a couple of minutes while I'm still struggling with the sheets, spilling its contents all over the floor
>Still crying, she says "I'm sorry", then rushes out of the apartment
>I'm alone with a dead boner and my face covered in shit and vomit
The hardest part was explaining the smell to my mother.
Never had any news from her, and was too shy to ask.
I waited about 6 years before touching a woman again.

>Touched titties in elementary school, got away with it because it was Christmas.

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Romania or Hungary?

>younger cousin sat on my lap playing on my pc

>friend peed herself
>cleaned it up thinking it was water
Traumatazing experience

Nothing bad happened I presume?