So what made you the broken human being that you are today? For me it's

So what made you the broken human being that you are today? For me it's
>Abusive and manipulative father who beat me and my mom when I was a child
>Father left for good when I was like 9yo, experience was so traumatic that I can't remember what exactly happened that day no matter how hard I try
>Desperately wanted to be like everyone else as a kid/teen, always got excluded
>Pretty much every single one of my friends just abandoned and avoided me at some point
>Dropped out of high school
>Never had a female friend
>Grew up poor

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Dont know. Never in my life i had a drive.
I have it but only in my mind.
I can spend weeks constructing stories, scenarios, plans in my head and then tell myself
>one day

Thing is, that day is never gonna come. Got used to it. Just gonna live out my days like hermit monk who dabbles in drugs.

>mom left and divorce raped my dad when i was 7
>drawn out court battle that thankfully my dad won
>attracted to fucked up women from a young age because of this
i've just had shitty experiences with women and i fucking hate them. i push away girls that are nice and sweet and would rather get into toxic power struggle relationships or have sex with damaged whores who leave me feeling hollow and worthless even if i "come out on top"

>alcoholic mother who doesn't care about anybody but herself
>had to take care of the house and meals since I was a kid, used to live in a moldly pigsty before I started to learn that houses should be cleaned
>always scared that we'd be evicted due to her missing work for months at a time
>acts like a teenager, constantly threatened to kill herself, wouldn't give me a second alone because she always need validation that I wouldn't leave her, legitimately bursting into my room every 5 minutes and not letting me sleep
>had to listen to my mom crying every night and clean up her puke so the house wouldn't stink
>learned a couple months ago that my father who I always thought was dead just fucked off to another country with a new wife because he couldn't deal with my nutjob of a mother
just being reminded that she's still alive pisses me off, I fucking hate pathetic people and she's the pathetic person I've ever had to meet

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I'm just a lazy piece of shit. That's about it really. I'm so lazy that the idea of existing is absolutely baffling to me.

>Absent mother
>constant bullying
>Never had any friends
>Desperately tried to fit in. Failed that miserably
>Completely detached from my relatives
>Completely alone
There's no hope for me. I'm gonna end it all on new years eve

My manipulative and depressive bipolar mother, my friends that i knew for my entire life suddenly physically and verbally bullying me whenever they could. I guess that's it

>white mom literally paid men to try to kill my black dad
>black dad told me about how evil white people are even while he kept banging white girls and while myself and my siblings are all half-white
>mercilessly bullied throughout elementary/middle school for being an awkward nerd who didn't fit in
>discovered alcohol when I was 17 and spent my entire college life humiliating myself while so drunk I couldn't stand
>serious porn addiction on top of all of this, I've masturbated 3+ times per day every day for the past 8 years

I hate myself and my family and I wish I was never born

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>Grew up in a relatively wealth neighbourhood in the west of France
>Mom and Dad are in love and they love me and my little brother (I love him too)
>Strong work ethic thanks to mom, I'm neither dumb nor bad looking
>I've always been encouraged to do what I love
>never missed on doing so
>strong friends circle, I'm usually described as charming and dynamic by my peers
>I have been with my gf for 4 years now, I really hope I'll be with her for my whole life
>never really wanted to propose to her, but hey, it's not her thing too for the moment. But I know eventually we'll be engaged
>mom, dad, I'm grateful for everything you gave me. I hope more people would be like you

mom and dad died because of a drunk driver 2 years ago. I'm 22, my brother and I are living with our grandparents

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I still can't drink a drop of alcohol

>emotionally absent mother
>psychologically abused by pedophile I met online
>now show symptoms of c-ptsd
>emotionally detached from almost everything and can only form emotional attachments to similarly fucked up people

What are you even doing here you fucking normalfag?

Everyone used to tell how enthusiastic I was as a kid and lament how I'm now a grumpy silent guy. I guess I eventually became self-conscious of how annoying, brash, and stupid I was at a single-digit age. I would try calculating every action I made to not make an ass out of myself so people wouldn't hate me, but I still fucked up. Because of this mindset throughout my late childhood and entire teens, I didn't develop an interesting personality.
>desperately wanted to be like everyone else as a kid/teen, always got excluded
I always tell myself that I'll clean my room, learn that language I've been meaning to get to, learn an instrument, learn to draw, learn to make music, etc. Thing is, I never do it and just turn to stuff that gets me immediate satisfaction (vidya games or drugs). I wish I had a stronger will, but whining about it won't get me anywhere.
>alcoholic mother who doesn't care about anybody but herself
God I wish mines wasn't so reliant on alcohol. Any time she had for herself, she would decide to drink. She was still a loving mother but seeing my dad (used to also be an alcoholic, but gave it up) and my mom always arguing and fighting did something to me. Seeing him getting fucked over because my mom would always demand him to go to the corner store and bring in more cases of expensive bud-light cases just gave me a negative perception of my mother. What pissed me off the most was that he never asserted his dominance. His passive, beta-like demeanor didn't do me any favors.

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>Desperately wanted to be like everyone else as a kid/teen, always got excluded
>Pretty much every single one of my friends just abandoned and avoided me at some point


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>mother that didn't care
>Schizophrenia and AvPD
>Sexually assaulted
>Never fit in
>Didn't have a lot of friends my entire life

>Desperately wanted to be left alone and not like the others
>always got included
>Shut down pretty much every single invitation or attempt to get closer


>Narcissistic and probably autistic dad (he managed to put himself through school and got a PhD but couldn't handle simple things like relationships, daily tasks, etc)
>Unstable mom - half the time she'd act like a normal-ish loving parent, the other half of the time she'd be a cruel control freak
>Mom had me when she was 40, dad was about 45, so I got a mix of their bad genetics due to their age (autism, mild psychopathy, etc)
>Due to this, I don't fit in with the weird kids, but I also don't fit in with the normal people no matter how much I try
>Slightly above-average looking, but still technically an incel because I have a shitty personality
>More self-aware than most people due to my intelligence, but that just makes me painfully aware of my issues
>Lack of real friends and terrible work ethic has made me hate myself for years, but I'm too apathetic to do anything about because I know I'm just a cyborg that will never fit in with the normies

What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I sincerely hope I get run over by a bus tomorrow.

>don't fit in with the weird kids, but I also don't fit in with the normal people
>Lack of real friends and terrible work ethic has made me hate myself for years, but I'm too apathetic
Sup brother.

I don't think anything made me the way I am, as far as being a broken lazy mess goes. I think a lot of people in this board would love to have the kind of upbringing I had, I might be lower middle class and my parents weren't exactly great, but I never had to skip a meal because I couldn't afford it and my parents did try their best. I think I was just born with no real drive, there's certain aspects of human behaviour that completely irk me and I don't see a point in doing anything. It's always been the way I've been even if I tried to hide it when I was younger, I'm just burned out on pretending I could ever be a normo. I wish I hadn't been born wrong

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>parents that never cared for me and would laugh about my dreams
>all my friends just straight up avoided me or bullied me or abandoned me at some point
>only girlfriend I had cheated on me and just used me
>I can't seem to achieve anything no matter how hard I try to
that's about it

>IQ measured at 144 at 3-4 years old
>raised being told I'm smarter than everyone
>school always being easy, never had to study
>instead spend most of my time at home just playing video games
>eventually, when I did have to start studying, I didn't have the discipline to, and just failed most of the classes that I wasn't interested in and ended up dropping out from university
>tfw fear of failure has made me never give an effort and instead providing me with an excuse
That covers the part of being a lazy cunt. I still don't do shit, I live alone in a tiny room and just spend all my money on booze. Don't cook, don't clean, don't do any work except on the job I hate.
>bullying and ostracism from kindergarten through primary school (3-14)
>the only group of friends I had in primary school eventually doing the same shit
>didn't help one bit that teachers liked to point out to everyone how smart I was
>basically fucked socially at the time when everyone learns their social skills
>got better when I got into high school, cuz my class was mostly real nice people, but the damage was done
Should cover the part where I can't really talk to or connect with people. I do have two friends now, but one's an alcoholic and the other's an alcoholic and a druggie.
So yeah, stunted social skills, being a lazy cunt and bad crowd, basically. I mean, I'm intelligent, tall, good looking (as more than a few people told me), I just lack the capacity to enjoy or take pleasure in pretty much anything anymore, don't like people and have no motivation to make my life better because I simply don't really care. The only reason I'm still alive is because my parents are both really nice and loving, and it would kill them and traumatise my little sister if I offed myself, and that still outweighs the fact that I haven't felt happy in years.

You ever wonder if ADHD might be the cause for that? I hear stories from lots of very smart people who can't reach their potential because they've got a learned helplessness towards getting shit done from having untreated ADHD for so long.

I don't know man, I do get bored easily, and my attention drifts unless I'm actually interested. On the other hand, I could read a good book or play videogames for hours at a time (well, not anymore, but used to, when I was younger), so I suppose I don't have trouble focusing when I am interested. Plus, I'm pretty passive, don't really move much out of my bed when I'm home.

>I suppose I don't have trouble focusing when I am interested
That's ADHD my nigga. Stimulation is god, without stimulation you can't get shit done. There's also a type of ADHD that's primarily inattentive with few if any hyperactive symptoms.

Wouldn't know. Though I have supposed lately I might be a mild schizoid, as I fit like 90% of the criteria listed when some 60-70% is the cutoff, though I know a 50 year old schizoid woman and she's way more fucked up than I am.

>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad set up a meeting and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>thought about mass murder a lot
>I attempted burglary once
>foster dad rinsed my mum out of 30,000 quid last October and the resulting animosity between them made me fucking worried
>but they renewed their vows for 25th anniversary so whatever
>recently find out paedo dad died 3 years ago

That is all

>I might be a mild schizoid
Ah shit, you really do have ADHD, don't you? I wouldn't necessarily use a 50 year old woman as comparison, of course a 50 year old hermit is going to seem way more fucked up than a younger hermit in training.

Self deprecating yourselves is not gonna solve anything

37 and still not allowed to have sex it's against there Christian religion to have sex before marriage. They don't get if you go about it that way I should be marrying my German cousin at 12 not just being some shut in middle aged sexless freak!

You my friend are sick in the head for wanting to fuck your cousin, you are pathetic and desperate and may your sins crawl in your spine

>sexually assaulted
>abusive father
>watched my grandmother die
>mother ran away when I was 14 (only now we're starting to reconnect)
>developed schizoaffective disorder
>lost a shitload of friends
>went to jail for abusive father
>manipulative stepmother
>distant from all family now besides biological mum

Wouldn't call her a hermit though, she's married and has two kids, despise being the ugliest woman I've ever seen and diagnosed with schizoid disorder.

Ketamine. So my own shitty personality that was desperate to belong.

So she's a covert schizoid, internally hermetic. Maybe being ugly has to do with schizoid. I've read that schizoids often report a lack of love from their mother, maybe she was such an ugly baby even her mother couldn't love her.

>Father was a dumb ass boomer and lost everything in the 2008 recession, we had to declare bankruptcy.
>Father absent during most critical years of my childhood because he decided to be a plumber in Antarctica and Afghanistan instead of finding a job closer to home.
>Bullied relentlessly throughout grade school.
>Father wasn't around when I hit puberty and I had to figure everything out myself.
>Mother raised me to be a antisocial retard while dad was away.
>When father came back he decided to be a control freak and make it so that school was my entire life.
>Didn't get drivers licence until 18 so I missed out on high school social life.
Now I'm a antisocial shut-in working at burger king, parents are probably gonna kick me out of the house soon too. Just fucking end me.

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>my parents didnt raise me much, i was left to my own devices alot
>in school i had trouble speaking to other kids, so i never formed good social skills
thats bout it, even the small stuff like this can fuck you over

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Well, she's ugly now, but that's because she's old, fat, crazy and has probably done hard drugs in the past (which I can't tell for sure, though she did say she's gone to this one high school here which is often associated with drugs and mentioned she skipped out a lot and never finished). She could've been normal looking she was younger for all I know. She's a real sweetheart though. Ugliest woman I know, but also probably the nicest.

No proper upbringing outside of the Internet. My mother did not act well drunk, otherwise things went fine for me. I was just left to my own fantasies. Somehow I made it out of school easily. If I had friends who liked to do stuff other than play video games, I'd probably be normal.

>but also probably the nicest
Makes sense, schizoids aren't into the social pecking order bullshit. Did she tell you she's schizoid? As far as I know it's pretty rare for them to be diagnosed because they usually don't care about their condition.

Haha Nice bait. Please leave.

>had a pathologically abusive sister growing up who would beat me sometimes and torment me with mind games
>my dad cheated and left when I was 8
>moved a lot as a consequence so I will never experience childhood friendships
>mom would sway between ecstasy and rage which confused me as a kid
>mom joins in with putting me down and it gets pretty bad
>slightly autistic exposure to this traumatised me and got left with a crippling fear of failure and superiority complex.
It hit hard and has destroyed my confidence, at 24 I still feel like it affects me. I can't Express myself properly, I live in a pale drab bedroom, i don't speak to people, I dont go outside.
It just doesn't look good for me

>sociopath dad
>empath mom

I also grew up seeing people being stabbed and beat to death, grew up seeing my parents fighting all the time too.

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I accidentally thought getting a masters in biochemistry was a viable way to increase my earnings potential in the US

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I was born broken.

>mom left for a year when I was really young
>came back and spent the rest of my developmental years fighting my dad at every turn and otherwise bashing him around us
>otherwise I was mildly socially awkward throughout school and might be just slightly autistic
Now I'm just depressed and I can't connect to women. Otherwise I'm really not doing too badly.

She cheated on him, didn't she?

He never said (because he's a better person than her), but I'm pretty sure she did.

don't really want to get into everything because there is quite a long list. but the things that stand out the most are.
>me at 12 years old talking to a 30 year old man and him exploiting me for sexual gain causing me to start experiencing sexual stuff early on
>due to this i now only like older men 7+ than me
>get constant attention due to being conventionally attractive which later on causes narcissism
>was used by my 2 boyfriends and manipulated
>this made me a relentless person who can no longer bond with people for anything other than my self gain
>experience fake empathy and use fake personalities to lure men in to exploit them
i feel like this could've all been avoided if i had a less traumatizing childhood which i never try to remember.

She didn't tell me directly, but she told another coworker. Apparently, it was a weird conversation too.
>"Hey S... What exactly is wrong with you?"
>"Oh, I'm schizoid. Been in and out of mental institutions."

>me at 12 years old talking to a 30 year old man and him exploiting me for sexual gain causing me to start experiencing sexual stuff early on
I'm sorry you had to go through that user. Child molestors should all be skinned alive and crucified.

>good job
>nice car
>still bald
>still fat
>still incel

thank you user. i suppressed much of it, i feel very nasty when i think about it.

i was broken from the get go, life never even bothered offering me a fair chance

>Apparently, it was a weird conversation
Not really any non-weird way to say "I have a personality disorder".
>i suppressed much of it, i feel very nasty when i think about it
I understand completely, I found that reading books about trauma can help. Complex PTSD:From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker is a very good one, as is The Body Keeps The Score by Kessel Van Der Kolk.

>Women atmosphere all around me
>Supreme Gentleman father raised by an overprotected mother.
>Opportunistic mother that always pushed me to the top.
>Twin sister. Made me hate girls and since the start.
>social superiority of my peers.
I blame my father the most, also I always I have gay thoughts because of a damaged youth but now I start to feel like I was a faggot from the very start just never understood that.

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Honestly, I wish I knew. I grew up living a fairly lucky life, with circumstances others would kill or die for, but I just fucked it up of my own accord for no reason but my own incompetence/not being neurotypical.

>Mother who has BPD and gets anxious the moment one of us leaves the house. Cheated a bunch of times on my dad while they had a relationship
>Dad with a weak spine. After divorcing my mom when i was 12 he got an even crazier bitch who wants us out of the picture
>Dropped out of high school
>Grew up at the lower end of the middle class, never could buy expensive shit, but we had what we needed to survive

>bastard child
>mother left my father when I was 1
>moved around constantly so couldn't keep any friends
>mother works most of the day so I have no one
>too depressed to do schoolwork, get trash grades
>rejected by all women I met, ruining any previous relationship I had with them
>few acquaintances, they all leave me in the end
Still struggling through college but I doubt I'll make it. Life is suffering.

>Parents had me at 41 and 31
>Perfect health, except for a birth injury on my arm that got covered up
>Stayed inside the apartment with older sisters I never got along with
>Did decently enough in school to graduate but didn't really care about it to actually try
>Didn't care about health, dad gave me Dr.Pepper at 3 or 4
>Mom spent some time in the ghetto and came from a very dysfunctional family (IE born from a psychotic Catholic drunk and a womanizing Jewish Scott), so kept me from going outside and exploring the neighborhood
>Also was pretty certain that I was mentally ill (Called me a potential school shooter to my face once.)

> Bullied officially from the ages of 5 to 17 by the same group of people. In TAFE and uni developed anxiety and depression made no friends, acne was still on my back and I'm 5'3" so despite being an international level athlete no girl would give me the time of day and I saw first how hypergamous western were.

Then the modern job market fucked up my career pathway and made me spend a big chunk of my mid to late twenties under or unemployed resulting in more damage to my self-confidence. While was happening Iw atched my two younger brother gets girls and have good careers despite putting in far less effort.

The end result is I'm 30 underemployed and never had a GF. Making me incredibly lonely on the weekends I struggle to not kill myself due to the fact I missed out on women and dating in my teens and twenties.

Bullied horrifically

Shit nigga, you might actually be right about adhd. I just realized, in the middle of contemplating suicide, I went to Google to check how disheveled is pronounced

Fuck, that one is exactly the sort of shit I'd do. I'm telling you man, there's way more to ADHD than the stereotypical hyperactive kid who can't focus in class. One component of it a lot of people don't know about is the emotional dysregulation that comes from poor executive functioning, people with ADHD can easily be overtaken by emotion from a strong stimulus then go back to normal a few minutes later.

>saw my dad maybe 4 times in my life
>mother always junky
>grandmother crazy
>no other family that even spoke to me
>ostracized and bullied
>made one friend in hs we where like brothers at least so he said
>abandoned me a couple months ago
>also poor as shit
>pretty sure i have autism and diagnosed bipolar
>be 21 now

I wonder what would happen if you take everybody ITT and put them in a giant room together?

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Very nice things. You can combine multiple damaged goods together to get a single whole good.

No, I went right back to contemplating suicide after learning how the damn thing's pronouced kek

Still sounds like an ADHD thing to do, forgetting to be suicidal for just long enough to satisfy some random impulse like looking up the pronunciation of a word. I do that fairly often while jacking off.

>dad was absent because of work
>mom was always angry
>divorced because mom couldn't keep her legs shut
>super shy because mom would always yell at me
>instantly made a bullying target
>had trouble making friends because it made my shyness worse
>eventually an older girl made friends with me
Then, things got worse. But that's far enough into my life that I can't blame it for making me this way.

you worthless fucking nigger!

>neglected throughout childhood
>sexually assaulted
>abused by fathers gf
>dad was like haha f u idc nigga
>i was like ok bye bye and went to live with my mom full time never seeing him or my cute pupper again that i loved dearly
>shitty bfs
>shitty backstabbing friends that i let walk all over me far too many times

Yeah thats just the basic run down of all the bullshit. Idc anymore, I'm just a depressed fuck letting the wind carry me wherever it decides to flow. I don't usually let anyone get close anymore because rationally it just makes the best sense to operate alone to avoid negative interference from others. Life goes on, life's sad, blah blah blah oh well.

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Nothing, I was just born a useless shit. Only thing from preventing me to be a complete shitbird is that I know just how useless I am lol.

This is why we should've cleansed Brittany

I spent every day of my life from Pre-School onwards undergoing constant mental abuse and torture from my teachers and peers. Then, when I got to university I had my world shattered and became black pilled.