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PORTLAND, Teenager allegedly masturbated a jaw-dropping 56 times non-stop before dying of a heart attack, in the proccess even breaking the world record and was awarded a world record certificate by a Guinness representative who later arrived at the home

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>was awarded a world record certificate by a Guinness representative who later arrived at the home
>who later arrived at the home

I think my record is like 8 times.

How would they even know how many times? Did this man keep a tally on his bed post? Did he etch out one last mark, "56," before the life faded from his body? Should've used those last few seconds to dial 9/11, pal.

Unironically how do you even do that? I knew a guy who said he did 10 in one day when he was bored and I couldn't even fathom that. Highest for me was 4 and I got the worst headache from it

I once did 7 in 24 hours. After 5 you end up with dry ghost loads.

How do you think I did that?
I am just too high test. In fact, so bad is it in my family it creates health issues to the women in it. I am covered in so much hair it's disgusting to most other people.

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>After 5 you end up with dry ghost loads.
Not me.

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where the fuck is that mentally disabled coomer faggot with his shitty forced meme

same it was 7 or 8 for me, i always go a bit crazy during alcohol withdrawal for some reason

Based cumlord

what a fucking coomer
the legend

How does news can just post shit about you? I mean how is this legal?

It's so obviously not a real news site. It's just a bunch of fake articles like The Onion.

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coom in piece

my record is 16x in about 10 hours
back in the aol and myspace days
literally chatting with girls from school while beating my dick to their selfies
good times
nowadays i can manage 5-6x before i get bored or start feeling overwhelming sense of dread for some reason
but if fapping 56x in one day can kill you i think i found my new suicide method

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F, mad respect

Sounds like fake news.

There would be no way of proving he jacked off that many times, not to mention you cant actually die from masturbation.

>The young man was on his bed... his pen*s was detached from his body, it must have been so intense it just came off his body, we found his pen*s gripped in his left hand so tightly we couldn't get it out, it was tragic
Holy fucking goddamn shit, there is NO WAY this is real. What a fucking madman.

Mine is fifteen lol

>cant actually die
Pretty sure its not the first time it happens m8