Which Linux distribution?

so I wanna install Linux on my second notebook, so maybe I will leave windows for good someday.
its an Elitebook 2560p with core i5, 8gb ram, ssd.
which distro should I use? Kubuntu18?
I heard Ubuntu is a botnet, is Kubuntu too?
I have no idea about Linux, just give it to me straight.
I want an easy nonbotnet OS, thats it.

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devuan. no systemd botnet and its easy

I have an 8540p, and PCLinuxOS works OOB, and uses SysVInit instead of system, even had my wifi drivers

so now I got 2 recommendations I never heard about before.
interesting.
some more opinions?

how about Sabayon? They got mate, kde, lxde gnome is gentoo based and it's binary distro

ps their cinnamon is excellent for newbie

Don't do openSUSE Tumbleweed or Fedora because you'll have to hook to Ethernet due to WiFi not working oob
MX Linux is good, Debian fork with SysVInit
Puppy Linux, based off slackware, doesn't have systemd

>botnet hw
HP = keylogger central

It's a good thing I got mine through a defense contractor then
No webcam or microphones either

what?
and what does systemd mean in a practical sense? why do I need it?
I just need a nice minimalistic easy to use linux distro. I'm a total noob