For the past 6 years at least, maybe 8 years, I've wasted almost all of my free time while aimlessly the internet...

For the past 6 years at least, maybe 8 years, I've wasted almost all of my free time while aimlessly the internet. I've passed university and had jobs and will have a good job soon but I am a coasting mediocrity.

I've been procrastinating learning programming since late 2010, when I saw the social network movie in the cinemas as a loser university student. I've done some tutorials but I've never tried to make anything because I always feel one tutorial away from really knowing anything.

I feel like I'm in the middle of an ocean of knowledge and the only option is to struggle in one direction with no ability to predict success. Even creating a scrolling menu feels like it would be a pain in the ass. Not impossible, just drudgery.

And I want to learn more maths. And do some Coursera courses. And read lots of classic novels and history books. And give up coffee and junk food (which I've binged on during most days of the past 3.5 years) while not feeling like I'm sacrificing pleasure like a cuck.

I exercise regularly but it never made a difference outside of the gym.

I feel guilty for everything I do, don't do, and how I do things. If I work on many things I am a dilletante. If I do one thing then I am a limited cuck.

I feel incredibly cucked if I think of having any short term goals or any life rules, like someone who is too weak for the modern world.

Binging on junk food and coffee while wasting all day on the internet feels more existentially satisfying than a scheduled 2 hours of productive learning, which would be like admitting I'm a loser forever because someone like bill gates or Elon musk works 10 hours a day minimum.

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A D H D

I can sit and read a book for multiple hours. This is procrastination of life

Modafinil

based suicidal london poster

create a schedule of what tasks you want to accomplish for the day and do them
cut out sugar
cut out porn
get seep
eat healthy

I don't know if that will solve all your problems but it is a start

This is most people. Musk/Gates types are just innately driven.

Not OP but you made me feel guilty, man. I've been jerking off all day to multiple windows of porn, each for a different fetish.

It still may very well be ADHD, user.

I suspect of having that condition as well and it generally applies to every aspect of your life, such as craving for short-term pleasures and having very bad skills at setting up future plans as well as keeping them in check on a constant basis. You describe what everyone with syptoms similar to ADHD suffers with.

I'd suggest you to try the famous Pomodoro Technique of doing tasks with 25 minute intervals and a few minutes of rest in-between. Godspeed.

Wow, amazing blog. Thanks for sharing!

this.

>I worked my ass off for years to get where I am today blah blah blah!

yeah but you fucking love working you fucking faggot

>I feel incredibly cucked if I think of having any short term goals or any life rules, like someone who is too weak for the modern world.

To me this doesn't make much sense. If you made a rule like "don't drink soda" for example you're less cucked because the modern world wants you to be fat and lazy as fuck. Your rules can make you stronger and take advantage of the world not be cucked by it

Is this the blackpill?

I too am addicted to blacked

Literally me
Even watching TV or playing games would be more fun and productive but I inevitably end up dicking around on Jow Forums all day instead

I worked harder than Musk or any other tech entrepreneur. I failed to achieve my goals, if anything they took me back. The only people who work harder are the ones who believe they are special and know they have a contribution to the world. I almost made it. Gripped the ledge several times but never got the funding from VCs and never could convince people. The fall ended up breaking me and I'm just largely apathetic now.

Literally me
What are we supposed to do man?

Unironically join the military. Enlist if you can.

yeah this is me too, I dont know what am I doing anymore, I want to do a lot of stuff and learn a lot of stuff but Im ending up in this endless loop you described
I dont know if its ADHD or just some sort of laziness/apathy, cant describe it

this is me also everyone. only luck i had was that i got to work in a lab with my hands after graduation and they gave me a phd out of it. but here i am posting, spending 6 hours a day on Jow Forums at 31 years of age. if i could give advice to a younger person like me it would be to find a job where you work with your hands, like vet dr chiropractor or lab scientist some physics experimentation looks cool

>Catalog
shit man me too, im and mayo vc was supposed to call me and they simply cancelled. twice.

me again, what is the field that you worked in? would you be interested in any bioinformatics? what do you do?

This. Some people have the innate drive and self motivation figured out by the time they're 18, but many people go their whole lives without real discipline. Start with something simple, read/learn something that you're interested for 20 minutes a day. Cut down on bullshit internet usage. Start working on projects, start actually programming. Buy an arduino and make leds blink. It doesn't matter what you do but for fuck's sake actually do something. You won't understand math or programming from just reading. Do math problems, WRITE CODE.

wtf are you me

Thank you, anons. I am not OP, but this helps a lot, since I am in the same boat as him.

Why didn't they trust you, user?

You have a lot of issues to address, but most of them seem to come back to you thinking that you're a cuck for doing anything other than wallowing in hedonism. You should probably see a psychologist and get to the root of that. Maybe the rest of your problems will fall into place around that cornerstone.

You're at the point in your life where you're going to need to pick one direction and really make a commitment to it. This may seem hard when you first start thinking about it, but as you process it you'll realize what a freedom it is, because it is the freedom for you to say "I am done with this" when it comes to many of your pasts interests and goals. You don't have to worry about those anymore. You allow yourself to be done with them. And you can do this because you are the final authority on the matter.

Then when you are left with the few things you know that you still care about you are in the position where you have enough experience and knowledge that you can finally dig into it and start doing things with it that you will find truly satisfying, and perhaps earning a living from.

Same.

I am getting tired of being a Sysadmin. Thankfully I mostly just deal with servers and an occasional minor project for clients (planning new infrastructure, migration to new mail systems etc.) but I'd really like to get into programming. As someone nearing 30 I think I might be too old for that though even if I have some basic programming experience (made a lot of scripts to automate some of the work I do as a Sysadmin, but that's mostly Batch / Powershell so I don't even know if it counts).

And that's not even mentioning tons of other shit I'd like to do like drawing, photography, writing etc. but simply don't have the time to. I wish I'd be able to clone myself and then have each clone doing something that interests me while having all of our minds bound in a single cluster. At least that way I'd be able to do more shit.

My boy Shkreli learned programming to a professional level in like a year bro.

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>I feel like I'm in the middle of an ocean of knowledge and the only option is to struggle in one direction with no ability to predict success.
You don't predict success much. You just go in a way you believe in and then you find it. Avoid analysis paralysis, just start the journey. That is not to say it is easy, it rarely is. But you will never get there before you start.