/brit/

Real 80s shit

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*presents myself for intercourse*

I make £16,500 for my call centre work to the lad asking
Very runty pay for a very runty job

LEAVE WAHEEM ALONE

Still one more flight to go

>call centre toil

youtube.com/watch?v=hAjzvy94JsM

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Post the webm

wish i had the focus, fortitude, and empty house so i can talk to myself to learn new accents
there is both a pressing need to change my voice anyway, and presumably a great career as the world's cheapest voice actor if only i could find the motivation

if you have a 1% chance of doing something, but you attempt it 100 times, what are your end chances of success?

listening to boomer music

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good god his accent is horrible, whatever it's supposed to be

Used to work in the claims department for tesco car insurance. Was unbearable to argue with JF all day every day for 14k per year (2010). Was a valuable experience though cos it taught me that I wasn't in fact 'sick of school' and gave my 19 year old lazy arse some motivation to apply for uni.

They were rude to me because there's some sort of unwritten conventional wisdom that if you argue with your insurance after an accident you'll get a higher valuation for your car/more likely to get a lump sum for personal injury, not knowing that the first point of contact on the other end (me) had no say in valuation or Pi claims.

The pleasant people would get dealt with straight away, the dickheads/sheeds/pawels would get all correspondence through post because I would pretend their phone and emails didn't work, massively delaying their claims so they would miss the time frame to be eligible to claim whiplash

It's the bernoulli innit

100%

There’s a fat bloke at work who shows up at 8am sharp every day, a steely but glazed expression on his face as he goes straight into the cafeteria and gets his second breakfast

This actually makes it look pretty fun.

>100%

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virgin keeps staring at me when I get my second breakfast

Good lad, likely that the rasheed claimants were all scammers anyway

64%

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FUCKING hate wasp season. Wasps are basically niggers, they have no redeemable qualities

There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

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The VIRGIN Boris Vs the CHAD Gove

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Hate doing a poo and it's one of those poos that doesn't want to drop

quite a shit thread full of virgin rejects who want to be outraged at anything

Brexit is a farce

I see Nige is back looking for a UKIP job again. Maybe they could find a space for him in the call centre?

I'm putting together a team

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Love those, the feeling of joy when your bowels empty is unparalleled

I won't have anything. I won't have a single thing.

Hate life and myself

This is such a brilliant post i am going to frame it and put it on my wall

A little recap before the semi-Finals start tomorrow: Football was invented in 18th century France by schoolboys at the Lyceum Lyonnaise, and along with it many famous plays, such as "le kick", "le dribble", and "le drive". Football has come a long way since those early days becoming the world's most popular sport. Don't miss France vs. Belgium tomorrow. It's sure to be a stunning game.

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FUCKING hate wasps

doing a poo

Too much hate in this thread. Let’s talk about what we love, I’ll go first.

I LOVE sausage sandwiches

kicked myself in the ankle yesterday and theres a right gash there now

Despise all my colleagues and would happily bash them over the head witha hammer

alri agent smith

*posts the image featuring albert camus ranting about rap*

Just chundered

Reply to this post if you've had sex
Ignore if you're a virgin

Just plundered

i LOVE turtle

I LOVE love forever changes

next lad to reply after me is a certified virgin

>toil

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lmao wtf is this you have mayvbe the worst haircut i've ever seen

Just took a picture of a girls feet for my fap folder

I'm becoming both more frustrated at work and zen-like. There are customers who get on my nerves, who want to complain but I now have no problem just ignoring them for days before responding with “sorry for any disappointment caused”. The working portion of the day opened with me answering emails at a rapid pace, I found one type of email common today that was easy to answer so searched them out, within 3 hours I’d hit my daily target and at the end of the day I went near double, I’ll follow this up by doing below target tomorrow so everything balances out.

I didn’t talk to the quirky guy much, the only times we interacted were were the andro guy went on breaks.

There’s this woman at work who is pale, ginger, tats everywhere, stretched earlobes, nose piercings etc. skinny and looks good with all the heaps of makeup she wears, whenever she needs an email checking, she goes to the quirky guy and when she leaves, he always asks “would you?” and point out a flaw with her. I criticised her earlobe disc things but quirky guy revealed he has some small ones and that his gf has big ones along with face piercings. Might have offended him, I then admitted that she was attractive and that “I would”. He then suggested I ask for her number, I simply and quickly responded that we probably didn’t have anything in common. His reply confirmed my thoughts, “she might like guys with long hair” and “she might have a thing for serial killers”. The conversation then turned to serial killers and mass shooters. I brought up the Dunblane massacre, something he was unaware of.

He also suggested I get a metal t-shirt to go with my long hair.

The conversation made me slightly uncomfortable but annoyed more than anything else, why ask me about my opinions of the woman when she always asks HIM for help? I’m clearly repulsive to her in the most literal sense of the word.

>his parents were married in a registrar's office and not in a proper church

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Lids, just went to the gym and now I'm too fatigued to do a learn. Life is a struggle

Who's the mong on the left?

Why is everyone overweight

fUCK
oFF
nEURO
tYPICAL

>>his parents were married
FONT

What was worse though was later in the day a qt came over to me to ask for help (search an email), she walked straight past him and towards me, she was literally standing right next to me when he chose to say “can I help?”, she looked confused, I looked away in disinterest as she walk back around to him. It was at least a difficult query that took several minutes to address, he didn’t seem to have a definite answer for her.

Andro guy went on lunch, this would be the point quirky guy would start talking to me, I don’t know if it’s out of pity or just that he loves to talk and I’m the only one around, possibly a bit of both, I wasn’t in the mood for it so went on lunch myself. Got a pasta under 400 calories again.

My manager still hasn’t responded to my holiday requests.

Quirky guy asked if I’d listened to any more music recently and rec’d Iron Maiden and Motorhead, I told him I hadn’t and that I was no longer interested in trying to get into music. This was a minor lie as I had listened to some Iron Maiden but not because of him.

At the end of the day he said a paki name and asked me who it belonged to in the office. I told to take a look around, the implication being that there are only around 4 paki males who work here and he knows the names of some so can use the process of elimination to figure out who it is. He was confused, I slightly explained, he said that was racist and that I had some weird internal racism thing going on, or something like that. I try to clarify by saying I wouldn’t have said this about any other race, meaning as a paki, I can be racist to other pakis. I’m surprised that he was so surprised, he acted as if he didn’t see race, I initially thought I came across as cool/funny.

I’ve written a lot about the quirky guy but that’s just because that’s the only variation of the working part of my day. I’m bored of him and we are not friends, there is no possibility of this.

I want to lick Emma Watson's smelly butthole.

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I was married in the registry. Zero regrets.

Prefer not to say.

Fascinating

m8 this is too long, I've not even had my cereal yet

that was worth posting

WHY DO YOU RESPOND TO THE NONCE U IDIOTS

The way to change a society is through the children. You have their children, you have their future.

The registry for poofters?

quirky guy fingered me round the back of ko-ko-kobana lounge

You're genuinely my only friends in the world

I'm not exaggerating or role playing like some, each and every one of you is so precious to me

Had my haircut insulted

Last day at current job today
Feel like I should miss people here since I’ve worked with them daily for so long and even quite like some of them. But I won’t. Am I autistic or is that normal?

Some people seem to hate Morrissey because of the things he says, they're why I love him. I don't think the Chinese are entirely human either.

I would do very sexual things to Emma Watson...with my penis.

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:(

>friends
Fuck of nonce paki tramp

Husband (Male) (Me) and Wife (Female) (vagina provider)

France is a beautiful and wonderful place. Far too good for the French.

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You look like a bellend mate

you used to call me a subhuman cannibal for living in new zealand (mixing me up with the other actual kiwi) and before i went there you used to constantly threaten to stab me in your little jihad phase
retard tranny you dont like anyone here and they dont like you

I love working where I do an I appreciate then giving me social interaction but ultimately they seemed me unworthy of becoming a real friend so fuck then all

Can you send me $100. My fridge is empty. I'm starving over here. Help a friend out, please.

Anyone see that blade job Roman did tonite?
Thought they didn't do that stuff anymore.

Haha it replied to me

Jihad phase?

Used to get pissed every day before work to help with anxiety

Christ only knows how I didn't get fired. Must've been so obvious

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What is the actual purpose of wasps other than to annoy people

At least bees aren't aggressive and kinda cute looking. Wasps are just scum

had a mad nightmare about marrying a woman with spider legs and I had to decide if I'd rather she have spider legs, spider eyes or a big spider abdomen back of her fanny lads

Its where rhe freak was threating everyone and perved on his flat mate

Sounds fun. Considered drinking before/during work several times but never actually did it

Where do you live?

Won't you please be my friend?

How can you hate me when you know me so intimately and have so for so long