GF, tells me she accepted one of her "exs" invite to get drinks. She says it wasn't serious when they talked and was only a month long thing and that he is a childhood friend. I want to flip my shit because I know she would do the same thing if i accepted an invite with one of my "EXs" or someone i was intimate with. She assures me its nothing, but I told her I didn't want her to go. Am I overreacting? Am I being insecure?
>I know she would do the same thing
Are you 100% sure about this? and if you are, did you tell her exactly this?
This came up a couple of days back after we had a great weekend in the city. Then on Sunday, she tells me that she accepted at first then we fight and talk, then she says no I'm not going to go. Then I today im on the laptop and I see these messages.
That doesn't answer any of my questions, though.
Tell her to pack her stuff
I told her put herself in my shoes, lets say someone I used to be intimate with asked me out for drinks and wanted it to be just me and her would you be upset. She shook her head and acknowledged that would upset her.
If you allow her to see him the drinking if your relationship will be destroyed. The fact that she felt like she could ask is already a very bad sign. I would consider actually dumping her for even suggesting it, but it's your life to fuck up however youd like to
‘Flip your shit’. If this bothers you then it probably should. Tell her the pointlessness of this ‘friendship’ that could develop, is there supposed to be a second date after?
If it affects you I’d say something and make sure your concerns come clear to her and seem to come out clear to you. She’s downplaying her relationship with the guy btw, only a month and etc.
People who stay in contacts with exs keep them as backups
Then from that point onwards you have to call her out on her hypocrisy. I would fake a similar situation just to provoke a reaction and then call her out on it. If she still insists on doing her thing, time to break up.
I'm usually not one to condone controlling who the other person meets, but hypocrisy of this level should not be accepted, it's incredibly disrespectful and tactless.
Btw him posting so many emojis is verrrry friendly. Keep that in mind with the WHY this dude or her STARTED a communication channel before this drinks date became a thing
If you are sure that she wouldn’t allow you to do this then I think you are fair in bringing that up.
But why not compromise? Why can’t you go and maybe he brings a friend and you guys go as a group? If they aren’t going to be talking about anything inappropriate surely that is an alright compromise?
I’ve met up with ex’s for lunch but I also give my boyfriend the same level of freedom, he is comfortable with it, and we’ve never cheated.
i don't know. She doesn't even know that I SAW those messages, should I not mention anything about this and see if she has the balls to tell me.
I was at that point two times in my life. Trying to get her to empathize doesn't work. She'll cry or admit that she would be upset and then go on and do what makes her feel happy which is meeting the guy. You either lose your shit and threaten a break up over this or actually break up
It's retarded and asking for trouble to meet your ex. Always
She asked me if I was more comfortable with her going a group with her friends and I said I was. I asked her why can't I come, and she said I don't think the conversation would be a "open" if my significant other was there... or something along those lines.
What intimate things does she need to talk about?
So just let it happen, I just don't want to get fucking cucked by this little chode. Should I the following night just go out by myself, and say im going to get a drink with my "work buddies"
I think its more on his part, I think his fucker is going to try to make a sales pitch and try to cuck me.
ironically suggest a threesome and see how she reacts.
Why would I do that with a dude, and get cucked.
your girlfirend is a whore and you are a gigantic pussy for not putting your foot down to stop this
you've already been cucked, that was my point. dump her ass my nibba. suggesting an ex is never a good sign.
Nah don't be passive aggressive. It just makes you look small. If it's all okay for you then let it go, if it's the red line then tell her and break up when she steps over it. Looking at the screencap it seems she really wants to see him cause chicks usually don't really initiate meeting a guy. He's a cunt but that shouldn't bother you. What should bother you is your gf not respecting your wish to not meet him and going on behind your back to text him "hey let's meet thursday"
spy on them and beat his ass when he does something
Would it be too weird if you came with her? I mean, that way you'll know that she/he won't do anything funny
I mean I stayed friends with my ex’s so it’s not like some big event when I go catch up with them, but yeah I can see how in some circumstances if there was like sexual tension it would be inappropriate. Which in this case it seems like there is.
Ah see this is a red flag to me. “Wouldn’t be as open?” What, do they need to like get closure about why they broke up or something? She needs to be more open about what that means. Doesn’t sound good to me.
So is she planning to go with a group of friends then? That sounds like the least she can do given the fact that you’ve told her you’re uncomfortable with this
I want to, judging by screen cap he wouldn't stand much of a chance haha with that weak ass heart condition. fuck around and make him have a heart attack.
I want to but she said it'd be different with me there because he probably would be on edge and not know what to say.
Nigga that’s a date
Wait she’s the one using all the emojis? bro she’s looking to get dicked
>not knowing how texting works in 2019
Whew m8... just how antisocial are you?
I don’t have an iPhone
Listen my advice is going to be contrary to everyone else but I would suggest you at least give it some thought. I would say no, don’t overreact (although you already did a little bit). Women will do this type of shit all the time in most of your relationships. First of all you have to realize that you can’t control whether another person cheats or not. Your paranoia about it indicates you have some sort of insecurities or feelings of inferiority which is probably why she is doing this in the first place. The power dynamic in your relationship seems to be that she has options and you’re desperately trying to cling on to her and keep her faithful because you have no one else. It makes you seem pathetic and she’s taking advantage of that. What I would do now is apologize to her for freaking out and give her your blessing to hang out with him (because she will anyway) and at least make it seem like it doesn’t bother you. That’s the most attractive look you can have in this situation. What you need to do going forward is practice making female friends and flirting with other women. You need to keep your game up in order for the dynamic to switch to where she is trying to do things to keep YOU faithful because she knows you have options and can leave her easily too if she isn’t doing a good job as a gf. Hope that helps. Good luck dude.
Always having other female options is good, letting your gf hang out with her ex is dumb and is a good reason to dump her ass for being dumb and not having any common sense to see that’s it’s not ok on her own
Thanks a lot, I needed that. I really did, this has been nagging at me all day ever since I got the day off from work.
Well from the OP it seems like the girl is justified in doing so since it doesn’t seem OP has any real value as a partner. She probably isn’t going to cheat but him freaking out about it gives her the perfect reason to.
Thanks for talking some sense into me. I'm not going to let it bother me, I need to realize my worth and my strengths and realize it is what it is. For the longest bit of time, I've been 100 percent dedicated and committed to this woman and her happiness. She needs to make her own decisions, and if she fucks it up its on her. I can do better.
No problem dude. The only way to survive the hypergamy type of situation that we currently live in is to ensure that your woman is always attracted to you. That’s the only possible way to prevent cheating or them leaving you. What women find most attractive in guys is security (in material possessions as well as mentally) and the fact that he is attractive to other women. If no one else wants you, of course she’s going to start to think that she can do better and explore other options. That being said I think it’s unlikely that she will sleep with this guy right away but I guess you can snoop around afterwards if you’re worried but don’t let her smell that worry on you when you’re together. Glad that helped.
She is totally going to cheat on you. She hid her conversation from you and was planning on going even after she knew you didn't want her to go. The shut about going with other girls is bullshit and even if they did go they would have her back, not yours. She is going to cheat.
This most definitely. OP is likely not interested in breaking up with her, but needs to hide his cards for now. Agree with pulling back on the reaction then starting a HARD dread game with other women. Flirt in front of her, leave your phone unlocked with conversations with other women (nothing overtly sexual, but clear that you have other options), hang out with them as friends. Escalate if you want to but not to the point of cheating if you want to avoid it.
Once she sees all this, she'll go "oh shit, he might drop me for some other bitch" and she'll clean up her act.
OP here, yeah I've been feeling like lately she has unconsciously testing me and testing the soft/caring/ compassionate side lately. I almost feel like she knows that she has me and all of me and is taking that for granted. She says she loves me, and im the only one she wants, and wants this life with me etc. etc. but then she does stuff like that that almost contradicts herself. I don't know if she is pulling away or shit testing me.
You're overreacting. Give her a curfew and if she isn't home by that time, tell her to never come home, and that her shit will be on the curb.
Be a man, you limp waisted faggot.
actions speak louder than words user, judge and read someone based off what they do, not what they say.
Yeah thats true.
>pulling away or shit testing me
I think it's both my man. Withdraw some attention of your own. Talk to other girls. Apply dread.
This is true as well. Women have an innate ability to contradict their words and actions, but words are just that: words. Actions are subconscious most of the time, especially in this territory.
In this instance, let her go on her little date (do not show any disapproval), apply the dread, and continue to verify what she's doing. Check her laptop again in a week's time, see what their conversation is like. Anything more than friendly back and forth is a huge red flag. Consider dumping at that point.
maybe I'm a weirdo, but I would follow her to her date and watch them to see how they act and especially if they leave together. I'd trust my own eyes over some facebook messages, a lot can be left unsaid.
>I told her I didn't want her to go
It's the situation though where you can't control her and trying to do so will only push her into his arms. Kudos to anyone who can deal with women's bullshit. If a woman put me into one of these catch 22s I'd probably go postal.
Sure, in a perfect world, this would be the best way to do it, but on the chance you get caught, it would result in the end of the relationship most likely.
If she's doing something she knows she shouldn't be (flirting, touching, kissing), she will be actively scanning the area to be sure no one she knows is there, including you.
If she's doing nothing, you just look and feel like a fool, and have wasted a day.
That's a fair evaluation, so in that case I would get a friend/s to help, especially ones she doesn't know. My goal would be to find nothing and I would be happy with that, I wouldn't consider it a wasted day.
Fair point. The friend could also offer real-time info via texts. In that case, I agree, and if you can pull it off, go for it. But also check laptop/phone for after-date escalation, either by her or by him and how she responds to it.
OP if youre in ontario i will be this wingman for you
Dump the whore, she will cheat on you.
Wish you could, in the US :(
OP, this reminds me of me and my ex and I too had a similar situation.
I’m the girl. I broke up with said ex well over two years ago. While it’s my longest relationship to boot, we are just not right for each other and just remain friends. I haven’t seen him since the breakup but we were thinking about going to get coffee. Being that I’m not an idiot, I asked my current boyfriend if it would be okay and he said I could go but he didn’t like it so I didn’t go.
If she goes, send an unknown friend to sit alongside them to overhear what they are talking about. But I think it’s a good sign she was upfront and honest about it and told you about it.
She knows and she's not letting you come. Fuck her. She's considering him over you. Are you going to stand for this?
She told me about the first time and told me about then told me on Sunday night that she wasn’t going to go. The second time, happened last night which is the screen cap I posted I had no idea about and she hasn’t even mentioned it to me today.
Her asking and being up front can be confused for a good sign, but make no mistake, it's an attempt at dread.
For instance, in your current relationship, say your boyfriend says the same thing. He's considering going on a coffee or drinks date with his ex, to catch up or whatever.
Now STOP THINKING. Forget whether he goes or not.
What's your first, deep feeling? Is it that he's such a great guy for telling you this? Probably not. That very first, instinctual feeling is, oh fuck. That's dread.
The difference is, when men apply dread to women, it is a counteract to women's naturally conscious or otherwise hypergamy. Dread from women applied to men? Instant red flag.
Good on you for listening to him and turning down the ex, but a girl who truly values the relationship would shoot that thought down the moment it comes into her head.
If she is going behind your back, this isn't a good sign. Pretend to remain ignorant and get a friend to observe her/follow her. If you can''t do that, the next best thing is to get a tracker and put it on her car or track her phone. If she goes somewhere other than the restaurant/bar, like a hotel or some random house, you'll know she is cheating.
This is good advice but I'd say possibly bordering on illegal, not to mention a little pathetic. If you need to verify and don't have a friend to watch them in person, continue to check her phone/laptop as you have. They are going to speak again over text after they go out, and you can gauge what happened from that. If they never speak again, it likely means the night did not go well, which is a good sign.
check her potentially cum-glazed lips or vagine when she gets home.
the only way to tell is to taste the semen leaking out of her. if its not yours, BOOT
or if youre into that, proceed as normal
>then she says no I'm not going to go. Then I today im on the laptop and I see these messages.
So she lied after telling you it wasn'g a big deal. Hou should be more worried about the lying part than the fact that she will be hanging out with an ex.
Call her out on her bullshit try to talk it out. Tell her how you feel. If she still goes break up.
i have a home lab set up to analyze my woman's drippings. After extensive forensic investigation, I can sleep safely each night I've fought off the cuckening at least one more day.
Oh she is definitely cheating on you with black men.
go back to school for a bio degree. only then can you be sure.
I haven't accounted for that in my home lab configuration. It only tests human DNA.
Mostly this. Cut all emotional ties from now on and assume the worst. But pretend ignorance and let it play out, keep monitoring the chats like suggests and prepare to dump her at any given moment. You can't stop cheating from happening, if that is her intention, then she will simply find someone else if you forbid her going to the fellow. And like some other user said, hang out with other women so seem desirable!
Maybe she's just angry you told her what to do and doesn't care about what you feel about it. You might've not liked it, but you said he's her childhood friend.
Update OP here, confronted her about it when she got home. She couldn’t explain why she didn’t tell me right away, said she thought I agreed to tell her she could go as long as she was with friends. Got mad at me, told me she wasn’t planing on going and then we fucked.
let her go, be relaxed and calm about it. when she goes, put all of her shit outside of your house and lock the door.
unfriend her from social media and block her number.
call the cops if she does anything besides take her belongings and leave.
there is no hope for this relationship, cut your losses.
Yup cheating whore
she’ll fuck the other dude too
That sure sounds like she's using sex as a way to
make you forget that you are mad about her lying.
But why is she so chummy with the guy and all up to date with very personal business. When I read the chats it was like he was asking her for a date, like the most normal outcome in the world.
Your ex is an ex for a reason, under most circumstances, nothing good will ever come of meeting up with an ex or trying to stay in touch, especially when you're in a new relationship.
I agree with your premise but I disagree with what the likely outcome will be. It's very difficult to switch the dynamic this late in a relationship and while I agree that OP has made his bed in the sense that he has showed her his cards that he has little options and that she knows he also won't stand strong and leave if she tries something like this either. But at this point no matter what he's probably gonna have to lie in that bed and eat a shit sandwich. Once a woman thinks she hold most of the power in a relationship most of them are absolutely ruthless and corrupt about it and won't hesitate to fuck a guy over if and when the chance arrives. You're right that she's made her mind up and that she will meet her ex either way but my past experiences with similar situations tell me that you're wrong that OP's choice is going to make the outcome any different. If he says yes, she will take that as a green light that she can walk all over him in the future and she will justify reasons in her head to go back to her ex or at the very least consider it more and more of a realistic possibility. If he says no she's going to act like he's controlling, she will use that as cannon fodder to start fights and as a reason to breakup then she will go back to her ex. You have to ask yourself If she was dating an absolute catch of a guy who had other options, social status, looks, money, would she even consider for a second meeting up with an ex and potentially fucking up her relationship with that perfect guy? No she wouldn't. If I were OP I would just end things with her, don't even give her a reason just tell her "I don't want to see you anymore" and take this as a learning experience to never put all your cards on the table in a relationship and at least be able to go out with some dignity.
Okay real advice here, don't listen to anyone else:
1: GO NO CONTACT RIGHT NOW. TELL HER IF SHE GOES AND MEETS HIM YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY AND SHE IS BREAKING YOUR TRUST
2: DO NOT CONTACT HER, AFTER YOU TELL HER THIS. AFTER 1 WEEK , LET HER COME BACK APOLAGISING TO YOU. TRUST ME SHE WILL COME BACK RUNNING
IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS THEN SHE WILL CHEAT OR EVENTUALLY BREAK UP
MOST IMPORTANT: YOU NEED TO SHOW HER THAT YOU CAN LEAVE ANYTIME IF SHE MSIBEHAVES
THERE IS NOTHING MORE ATTARCTIVE TO A WOMEN THAN A MAN WHO HAS BALLS TO WALK AWAY ANY TIME
HER BRAIN WILL TINGLE
I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS AND WISH I COULD HAVE GONE IN PAST TO UNDUE MY MISTAKES
TRUST ME IT WILL WORK
>Am I overreacting? Am I being insecure?
yes you are over reacting. yes you insecure. aslong as she is with you she's with you. she could fucking leave if it was bad. what's so great about you that she would rather fuck other people and not tell you?
I can't wait until summer is over and people like you stop using this site.
Tell her that shit is not right
This applies to both men and women in a relationship.
In this OP her action is like playing on the edge of a slippery slope. Maybe she doesn't misplace her footing but as she plays nearer and nearer the edge the probability increases and then down that slope and the harder she tries to stop the faster she slides.
She is totally aware this is risky and yet she does it despite OP's misgivings.
You cannot stop someone from playing on the edge nor should you. She is an adult and if she wants to jeopardize the relationship with this rekindling of a "friendship" with an ex then that tells you she prefers this "friendship" over the relationship. If two people are committed to their relationship, neither will do anything that might put it in jeopardy. If this ex was truly a childhood and family friend she cannot live without then OP would be involved by the request of his gf. She does not want that.
So OP all you can do is sit back and watch this crash happen in slow motion. You have already cautioned her and can do nothing more but you should have told her that if she slips and falls your exit is imminent, and mean it. She won't believe you but you must begin your emotional detachment as she plays nearer the edge.
I actually agree with everything you said except I still think he should try and maybe by some miracle it will work. Even if it doesn’t it’s good practice for the next relationship so I don’t think he should just leave right now. It ain’t over til it’s really over.
>she accepted one of her "exs" invite to get drinks.
She wants to fuck him you retard. If she cared about you she wouldn't accept it. Stop being a cuck.
>So just let it happen, I just don't want to get fucking cucked by this little chode
You don't have any legal authority to prevent her, and if she really wants it you can't do anything to stop her without looking like a desperate freak. Either be fine with getting cucked or break up.
Either way if she is the sort of person to do this sort of thing I don't see why you would want to stay with her.
Make sure you brush your teeth next time you kiss her you pathetic excuse for a man, make me sick reading this drivel
Also make sure you buy her some condoms perhaps he won't bring them
>Women will do this type of shit all the time in most of your relationships.
Sure about this m8? Kinda depressive thing if true desu.
It's true unfortunately, some to a higher degree than others. Sorry to say, but in OP's case, this is a lighter degree.