I'm moving to a new city to start do an Masters degree. Please me advice on how to best get a girlfriend in these circumstances. I cannot this fuck up this time around, the consequences would be dire.
I'm moving to a new city to start do an Masters degree...
>to start do an Masters degree
>to start do an
The literal state of education
I originally wrote "an MA" but changed it to "Masters" because I've had people on here ask me what an "MA" is. In the process I merely forgot to get rid of the "n." If this ruffled your autism, then I can only apologize.
The same thing you would usually do.
I haven't had much luck with the first two and I don't drink so the third is difficult.
I find myself in a catch 22. I don't really like generally socializing and can't be arsed with making friends yet I recognize that I could only get a girlfriend by doing these things so I compel myself to do things I gave no interest in doing, for the sole purpose of getting a girlfriend but because I don't genuinely want to do these things, my attempt to do these things comes across as insincere and noncommittal which hampers by ability to do those things and from that get a girlfriend. Even if I do manage to get friends and successfully socialize, it doesn't mean I will find any girls interested in me so I'll have wasted my time in my eyes and am now lumped with a bunch of friends I only befriended in order to help me find a girlfriend.
It doesn't sound like you are too motivated. You know that a girlfriend won't magically jump on your lap right? You need to put yourself out there instead of moping around and making excuses.
This doesn't explain
>to start do
>Please me advice
>I cannot this fuck up
You reply was coherent which is astounding to me. I thought maybe English was your second language or you were trolling.
Christ you're right. I have no idea how I ended up writing all that. There's something about writing Jow Forums posts in a rage which fucks up my capacity to think.
I know, but my ulterior motive in socializing is always to get a girlfriend which makes the socializing difficult. Online dating would be ideal for me by just cutting out the pretence but I can't seem to get anywhere with it
That shouldn't be your motive. You should truly want to get friends first.
But that's the point: I don't care about getting more friends. Friends are cheap.
>Friends are cheap.
Are they now? You sure?
>the consequences will be dire
The fuck? Did your mom threaten to disown you?
>Are they now? You sure?
To me yeah. Friends aren't hard to come by.
>The fuck? Did your mom threaten to disown you?
I'm pretty certain I won't be able to handle what I'm feeling much longer. I've been in this state for nearly 11 years. It's girlfriend or grave at this point
So, you don't want a girlfriend, you just want sex. Is that correct?
On second thought, level with me here: what do you believe friendship is like? What is your experience and what is your ideal?
Also what do you think of yourself in general?
No, I want emotional intimacy coupled with physical intimacy. I have little desire for sex in of itself, (beyond natural cravings obviously).
A friend is someone you just hang round with and have a chat and joke with. You fill some time with them then you leave. It's not comparable to a relationship in my mind. I don't recognize the notion that a girlfriend is just a female friend that you shag. It goes deeper than that.
>Also what do you think of yourself in general?
I can't really say. I often think very highly of myself but I can, when trying to see through the eyes of others, see how thoroughly unimpressive I am as a human being. I love myself and am massively disappointed with myself in equal measure. I can think of myself as a genius and a total moron at the same time and not be overwhelmed by the contradiction, as if my mind held two separate chambers that housed two separate beings And yet, I don't really know who I am. I don't really have hobbies or interests or tastes. I have an image I want to project and a monomaniacal desire, a desire that I had hollowed myself out in service of.
Okay, two things:
A)What you want out of a relationship, you should seek in friends (minus the sex, for the most part). The other thing you described is not "friendship", it's merely acquaintance.
B) You're being too hard on yourself and this is obviously hurting you and how much you open up to other people (you're not opening up). If you don't concede and expose your self (not just yourself) to others, you can't expect emotional intimacy out of them. Not because they won't want to, but because they won't know on what grounds to provide it.
Both these things imply a great deal of listening to others and trying to understand their point of view, whether they're talking about you or themselves. At your point, judging their words isn't even stimulating anymore, but it does pay off just to listen nevertheless, both in friends and sexual partners. It's like, you have to make them trust you with their words.
>The other thing you described is not "friendship", it's merely acquaintance.
That's not an acquaintance. An acquaintance is someone you know merely in passing. I am friends with these people but i am not emotionally intimate with them. I have no interest in being emotionally intimate with a friend. The whole notion is alien to me.
>You're being too hard on yourself and this is obviously hurting you and how much you open up to other people
I'm not sure how you came to this conclusion
>expose your self (not just yourself) to others
How do you expose your self?
Well, if the feeling of loneliness weighs you down that much right now, I'd say you do have an -interest- in emotional intimacy with friends. It will be beneficial to you, even if you happen to find it kinda not fun right now.
You set the bar for yourself too high (genius) and blame yourself too hard when you can't reach it (total moron). You need to relax both ways.
I don't know, ask for relationship advice or ask a friend to honestly evaluate you as a person. The latter is especially tough if you're not used to exposing your self.
>It will be beneficial
But it's not what I want so I'll get nothing out if it. Telling some friend I'm feeling a bit down today has never solved anything nor made me feel better.
>You set the bar for yourself too high genius
If you're not amazing at something you shouldn't bother with it. I couldn't think of being anything worse than a willing and happy mediocrity
How do you know you don't want it? How come then you ask those things of strangers on the inernet? You obviously want emotional attachment, you want someone to understand your current situation, at least subconsciously you want this. That's not a bad thing, it's completely normal.
Also, I'm not talking "I'm feeling a bit down today", like you're talking weather.
I'm talking about straight up telling a friend:
>I'm moving to a new city to start do an Masters degree. Please me advice on how to best get a girlfriend in these circumstances. I cannot this fuck up this time around, the consequences would be dire.
How about you try it for a change, you know, just as an experiment, see how it goes?
>How do you know you don't want it
Because I don't want it. How else would I know.
>How come then you ask those things of strangers on the inernet?
Validation and the vain hope that someone will give me comprehensive advice
>I'm talking about straight up telling a friend
Because that's mighty pathetic and usually results in said friend awkwardly dismissing it
A girlfriend won't fix your issues. It's the other way around. Fix your issues and then you can get a girlfriend.
My issue is that I have never had a girlfriend.
Wrong. You have multiple issues, including a few mental ones.
Which were caused by never having a girlfriend
Why do you keep lying? If you had no issues at all you would easily have got a girlfriend by now. But you have many issues that prevent you from getting a girlfriend. Fix those. You are a fucking arrogant prick to think you are literally perfect in every way and flawless and somehow a special snowflake who can't get a girlfriend. Everyone else can, so the problem is you. Not girls.
Hell no it isn't, what the fuck? Are you serious? Getting friends to help you when you're in need, the cornerstone of human community, is pathetic, but wallowing alone in desperation is somehow less pathetic? Who taught you that shit?
>usually results in said friend awkwardly dismissing it
That's the friend's problem, go find new friends and go into this new friendship on the assumption that they will at least try to help you, instead of waving you off. Or at least approach your old friends in a new way.
Who were you replying to here?
> If you had no issues at all you would easily have got a girlfriend by now.
I was talking about the mental issues. The low self esteem, procrastination, lack of interest in other things and people and anxiety all stem from the lack of a girlfriend. I wasn't like this before I became obsessed.
>But you have many issues that prevent you from getting a girlfriend.
I suppose the above issues don't help obviously but I'm in a Catch 22 with those. I'm also told that I've got an ugly face and look weak and boyish so there's that.
>You are a fucking arrogant prick to think you are literally perfect in every way and flawless and somehow a special snowflake who can't get a girlfriend.
I don't recall ever saying all that. Don't know why you're getting so angry either though it is cheering me up mightily.
>Everyone else can, so the problem is you. Not girls.
Again, not sure where I blamed girls anywhere. Smells like projection to me.
>Hell no it isn't,
A 25 year old man asking for help to get a girlfriend is massively pathetic. None of you know me here and I don't really respect any of you so I can do it without any embarrassment.
>go find new friends and go into this new friendship on the assumption that they will at least try to help you, instead of waving you off
Should I put out an ad in the paper?