>have no social skills, no friends, 35 year old khv >been taking salsa dance lessons for a year >after a year of taking classes, two 9/10 girls start taking classes with me (there were cute girls before, but nothing above a 7) How do I get them to like me?
What do I even say to them? One actually introduced herself to me, and we didn't say anything else after while we waited for the song to start
The other tried to make conversation and asked me how long I've been dancing.
I suck at social skills and having a conversation, what do?
>How did you find this place >Why did you start dancing >Is this the only style you're learning? I understand that you have no friends now, but have you never talked to another person before, not even throught the internet? Just repeat the quesitons people usually make. It's not that hard once you actually put your mind into it instead of saying "ohgodagirlagirlagirl whatdoisay". Remember that ultimately she's a person, and you approach a conversation the same way you do with another person. I mean, there are things you want to know about her, right? You're not just trying to talk as a concept without a clear idea of where you're going with it? So aim for that goal of knowledge, and make the relevant questions that get you there.
Connor Adams
If they really are 9/10 just say ‘wow you are really pretty’ or something and ask them out. Worst they can say is no.
Get practice talking to girls though, like set a quota to talk to 10 girls every day eventually it will be second nature. Its easy to get stumped if you think you have to do all the talking but women love to run there mouths as soon as they realize you will listen, ask them about their day, their work whatever and just interject once in a while with something.
Leo Howard
>do you have any hobbies besides dancing is a decent one.
Making conversation is just one those things you learn by doing. After talking about their and/or your personal life, ask about their line of work. It's important to be natural and try not to interrogate them with endless questions. For every question, be sure to add an opinion/statement relating to the topic. That will get the discussion going.
Hunter Evans
Based momoposting
John Murphy
How the fuck do people end up beyond 30 and don't have friends/acquaintances or social skills or anything I don't understand. By the time you're at least 25 you should've woken up from your closed off reality that shit isn't going to change unless you start going out, jesus christ.
Elijah Thomas
Thanks
Just nothing comes to mind, or I think it's cringe coming from me.
I'm pretty self conscious of the sound of my voice too. Wish I could be a guy with a clear, charismatic sounding voice. Wish I could have cool stories to tell people
Thanks, how do I even talk to 10 girls a day? I rarely meet new people, or do you mean talk to strangers I see on the street?
The salsa dancing school I go to has a social night coming up. It's loud and people are there with friends. I can't even bring myself to approach a table and ask a grill to dance if she's sitting and chatting with friends. I don't know how to approach them either.
Last time I went, I literally sat at a table by myself. Watching people in groups sitting down and chatting together
Another problem I have with asking questions is that I don't have good responses if someone asked me the question back. I don't have any other hobbies really
>add an opinion/statement I suck at this too. I've heard this advice before. Especially because I respond in one or two word replies usually "yea", "no", "cool", nothing comes to mind, and I never have interesting things to say
i feel like everyone has a story to tell, interesting, funny and positive things happen to them that they can relate to and that they can bring up in conversation
i think the most popular guys i know are those who can tell stories
Fuck, here’s Canada guy again. Go get a therapist and stop posting different iterations of this.
Zachary Hill
not any good opinions, and can't express them well. like reasons why i liked/disliked a movie or show, i can't say much, but some guys can go on
and i can't think of a way to express my opinion in conversation
>today walking with 2 other coworkers to client >they talk about how they live close to each other >mention how sketchy their neighborhood is, streets or areas they avoid i don't know their neighborhood, i didn't say anything
>they talk about how the client is located in the entertainment district (nightclub area) and how it's so different walking in the area during the day and while sober. they mention a few of the bars in the area they go to i rarely drink or go to nightclubs, i didn't say anything
The problem with that OP is you have to understand an issue at hand or at least have a basic framework that you can use to come up with an answer even if you don't know something in detail. You have to know things to a certain extent to talk about them. If someone was talking about visiting New York for example they'll talk about their experiences visiting the city and doing stuff usually fun stuff. You either know the place yourself because you've been there or you know enough to connect with a similar place you've been to and that's how you come up with a conversation right there. You need something to work with though otherwise you got nuthin.
Luis Hernandez
Then practice on that. Learn about stuff, analyze stuff, write down opinions, check down other people's. Life is 95% practice, user. If you want to be good at small talk, take the kind of actions that will make you good at it.
Nicholas Davis
Don’t bother, this guy posts the same dribble thread and is unable to comprehend any of the good advice offered to him. He always circles back to the same idiotic question because he is a brainlet.
Mason Gomez
>bodied 16 chicks
Listen to me whenever I say this.
TALK. ABOUT. THEIR. SHOES.
Be natural, when they say hi and shake hands, be polite and natural, then act like you just glanced down then look down again and say SOMETHING about their shoes.
>those must be new, you just started dancing?
>what are you a size 6? tell me how hard it is to find shoes your size, am I right If you guess her shoe size and/or say something she can totally relate to, you just fucking hit a home run, just walk the diamond and take your plate
Outside of dance studio just do the same thing but adapt it to the situation.
>wow, you really went all out head to toe >WHERE did you find those? It's so "you".
Shoes and hoes, bro, shoes and hoes.
Camden Flores
>The problem with that OP is you have to understand an issue at hand or at least have a basic framework that you can use to come up with an answer even if you don't know something in detail. Not really. I have a friend who is all into history and politics, both subjects I have pretty much zero knowledge on, so when the time comes, I prompt him into giving info and then formulate a basic opinion on what I just heard: >These guys used to eat their own kids >That's crazy, why would they do that? >They believed that it gave them superpowers >Jesus, the kind of things people have made-up throughout the ages, really makes you think how much stuff we're just making up too, or how the future people will see our current customs There, a casual conversation, zero knowledge on the matter. The thing is, you need to have a goal when talking to people. if you don't know what they're talking about, try t learn by talking about it. If you know but not enough to formulate a strong opinion, formulate a weak one and ask for extra info. And so on, so on. It's really not rocket science, we all understand how the classic back and forth works, as it gets proved by the fact that we're having a conversation here, but lots of people get into conversations and all that's in their mind is "I want to chat, I'm chatting, how do you chat, how does this work" instead of thinking stuff like "what reason does this person have to prefer this bar over others?" which is a thought that creates conversation.
tbqh, i've never complimented a girl before in my life
>SHOES isn't this cliched though? what do i know about shoes anyways, won't it make me seem either like i'm trying to win her over by complimenting her shoes, or maybe she'll think i want to be her bff and go shoe shopping with her
Why is this such a popular thing? I think it's used so much that it's too obvious now. I always thought it's ridiculous and I've never seen it work. It also comes of as kinda lame IMO. I was at a bar with my GF and some guy went up to her and was like, "If you give me 3 tries, I bet I can guess where you got those shoes." He failed, and ended up buying her a drink, which she subsequently brought to me after she told me what happened. Kinda felt bad for the guy. He was clearly shitfaced, though.
Jacob Roberts
Shoes are the foundation of an outfit.
If you compliment shoes you are complimenting their whle style/fashion sense.
Eli Moore
Is Latin dancing for boomers and Hispanics? I'm 25 white dude and consider taking dancing cuz I'm bored out of my goddamn mind and I can go months without talking to someone my age.
Gavin Jenkins
Yes, basically. Unless you’re in NYC or Miami, don’t fucking do it.
Your approach to conversation is entirely too linear. You need to practice tangents and segues: >i don't know their neighborhood, i didn't say anything Ever seen a sketchy neighborhood or heard a funny story about a sketchy neighborhood? What's your neighborhood like? Never lived anywhere remotely sketchy? Saying that is better than silence.
>i rarely drink or go to nightclubs, i didn't say anything Okay, mentioning that you drink less than them might make outliers judge you or feel judged and it's not interesting enough to bother. But have you ever been anywhere that seemed completely different at another time of day? Like a grocery store at 3am?
The idea is to relate to something, anything around you or being said, and comment on it. Preferably something interesting or something that they can say something about. You can even lead the conversation into something that you feel more comfortable talking about.
Stealing jokes also works wonders. "How sketchy is your neighborhood? I mean, you don't have babies walking around alone after midnight, do you?"
Owen Perez
>Worried I'll make a fool of myself again and sit alone, not talking to anyone Everyone has been there. Most won't ever judge someone for making an effort to start a conversation. If you try something and it doesn't click, saying that you were just making conversation because you don't know many people there, can give you some leeway and a possible invitation to meet others.
>If I see someone from the classes at the dance, what do I even say after "hows it going"? Compliment them, comment on anything around, ask them what they think of the dance.
If you're looking for Jow Forums to give a winning line for your specific scenario, this is the best I got: "Sorry if I seemed quiet during classes. I'm not used to spending time with such attractive women and I kept getting nervous." That's all I have. It excuses your previous quiet nature, flatters them but not necessarily the individual you're talking too (which avoids the uncomfortable implication that you've been fixated on her, and it presents her with opportunity to take the lead on the conversation and possibly be nicer. It's not confident and macho, but it might the ball rolling. Good luck.
Cooper Mitchell
>I can't even bring myself to approach a table and ask a grill to dance if she's sitting and chatting with friends. I don't know how to approach them either. Literally just walk up and ask "would you like to dance?".
She'll like the bravado. So will her friends.
Jacob Flores
>Wish I could have cool stories to tell people It's not the story, but rather how you tell it. You can take the most mundane of stories and make girls laugh from it.
I'm a history buff so I know a lot of history off the dome. Many a time I've brought up shit like the Italo-Ethiopian War but explained it in Twitter speak and rap references and made them laugh.
1. That’s unlikely. If she’s at a dance, then she’s probably hoping to dance.
2. If she does decline, she’ll say it a nicer way. Nonetheless you just have to be like “alright cool” and walk it off.
Caleb Perry
Thanks, though i suck at making anything sound interesting tbqh
But those don't seem too bad. If there are multiple girls at a table, do I just pick one to ask if she wants to dance? Or do I ask the group, "does anyone want to dance"?
If I ask one girl and she says no, should I try asking one of the other girls at the table?
OP here, going to the dance tonight. I think I'll try complimenting a girl's shoes. Though like I wrote, I've never complimented anyone before, so I imagine I'll say something dumb
update, went to the dance. in 2 hours, i asked 5 girls to dance (so spent over 1.5 hours sitting down)
never approached a girl who was with a group, just the ones that were alone
the girls can tell i suck at dancing. in the 1.5 hours spent sitting down, i watched how all the good dancers dancing with the girls and they look like they're having fun ;_;
You don't. If you have no sexual experience, no friends, no social media presence, no established career (things I'm assuming about you) by 35 you are absolutely repellent to any woman. Even the mentally ill ones, and the fat slobs with kids.
Christopher Gonzalez
Grist for the mill; take note of what went right for them along with what went wrong for you; being objective and honest with yourself will teach you that there is always hope.
And good on you for putting yourself out there.
Bentley Green
this honestly.
Jeremiah Bailey
>i asked 5 girls to dance How did that go?
>who was with a group, just the ones that were alone That's normal. Girls are retardedly ignorant of how intimidating it is to approach a pack of women.
>the girls can tell i suck at dancin Why do you think you suck after a year of lessons?
Aiden Gonzalez
Not you again... Please stop adding pictures of whores to all of your posts
Jeremiah Gonzalez
On a scale of 1 tot 10 what would you rate yourself? Because if you aren't above a 7, maybe you shouldn't aim for girls above a 7 that badly either. Women are as shallow as men, trust me. If you want to impress a beautiful woman who can get a more handsome man than you, then you gotta really make sure she has a good reason to. But I guess in your case that could be possible if you can get more talented at salsa then the other guys and develop a charming personality that doesn't come off as fake.
Michael Murphy
One year? Good. Now do another year.
Ian Barnes
thanks
>How did that go? all girls agreed to dance, but i don't think after the dance they thought "i'd like to dance with him again"
>Why do you think you suck after a year of lessons? hoenstly, not enough practice. i go to class 1 or 2 hours a week. i can do the lessons taught, but i don't practice social improvisational dancing at all
if i could make friends with a girl from the classes i take, maybe i can practice with her, but i don't see that happening
You’re the type of guy that needs to go to RSD hotseat as soon as possible. I mean just like what a lot of anons are saying who you need to be listening to, getting girls at 35 without experience is like trying to climb mt Everest without any knowledge of how to climb mountains, no gear, no food rations (buddies). It is close to impossible.
First you need to learn how to socialize. That is super important because women are social creatures. They function based on the social hierarchy. If you have noticed guys that are popular socially run through women like crazy. Because the imperative for women is to have sex with the best guy, not just any guy. If you understand this philosophy, you’ll have more women than you can shake a stick at.
Even at 35, hell, even at 45 if you can master basic principles of the kind of man women universally flock to, you’ll get more pussy than you have ever dreamed of. You first have to remove your ego from the situation. Ego will do nothing for you in the dating game. Then you must go out at least 3-4 times a week. You need to find a buddy or go solo. Clean yourself up because you don’t know what your doing. Chat up women every chance you get. Do NOT hide your intentions like every other guy and wind up in friendzone land. Make it known what you want. You WILL fail, a lot, but that is part of the learning experience. Finally, don’t listen to anyone who tells you you can’t score at 35. You most certainly can, and even more so, if you can get it together.
Ayden Smith
>Do NOT hide your intentions like every other guy and wind up in friendzone land.
I´d like to second this. Mostly because I did this for years and it got me shit all. Trying to be friends with girls is a terrible dating strategy. You´ll just end up with a lot of girls who are your friends. And that´s fine if thats what you want. But you won´t be fucking any of them.
Thomas Gomez
They will think you are gay if you say this as a non chad.
Jeremiah Collins
>Then you must go out at least 3-4 times a week Where do people find the time for this shit? Or the money?
Not the OP, but I'm 27 and in a similar situation; I know I need to build a base of friends and learn social skills and to be interesting before I can have all the sex I've been missing out on, but fuck it's hard to make time. I took everyone's advice and started lifting, but due to my gym schedule the only leisure time I have is on Tuesday nights and (most) weekends. And on weekends I just want to sleep all day because work is so exhausting. And my job doesn't pay all that well: most of the disposable income is going into cosmetic treatments and food. When a glass of beer is $6, and a cocktail can be $15+ (compared to the $28 an hour I earn before tax) I can't be hitting the scene every week.
>Then you must go out at least 3-4 times a week. go out where?
>Chat up women every chance you get. Where do I find these women and what do I even say?
Daniel Bennett
>go out where? Not that user but any place where there are periods of waiting is good. Live music works well.
>>Chat up women every chance you get. >Where do I find these women Literally anywhere. Okay, maybe not outside changing rooms, but anywhere casual in public.
>and what do I even say? Literally anything. Ideally something that's fairly obvious why you brought it up, based on the context or a follow up answer if she asks. "Hey, I like that cereal too." "Do you normally take this bus?" "It seems like it might rain." "I can almost recognize this elevator music, but not quite..." "Do you watch Game of Thrones?" "Do you find that brand of mace particularly effective?"
The idea is to be warm, friendly, and casual. No matter what her response is, you have to be okay with just walking away. If she gets creeped out, just grunts, or in any of dozens of ways lets you know she's not interested in chatting, that's fine. If she just smiles and says a simple response that you can't follow up on, that's fine. If you have a nice back and forth, introduce yourself, and she doesn't tell you her name, that's fine. There is no investment here. You are not forging a moment you plan on telling your grandchildren about. You are chatting with a stranger. The more you do it, the more natural it will get. My best flirting has been with women I knew that I zero chance with because failure was assured and there was zero risk. In fact, chat with guys too. Because women are just people. Talk to old people. Talk to couples. Talk to pets. Don't talk to kids. When you are awkward and embarrass yourself, make a mistake, or say something stupid, and you will, you will have lost nothing. Laugh it off and move on with your day.
Oh, and smile. Not a creepy, "I'm nervous about talking to a Pretty Lady" smile. But a light, casual, "What a Nice Day" smile. Practice in the mirror if you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Leo Jones
Thanks
Trying to find more chances to talk to girls though. I go to work, go home and the only time I go out is for the dance classes tbqh Might go to another salsa dance tonight
But the main problem tbqh is that I feel worthless. Why would any girl like a friendless, socially awkward, unattractive and poor loser
You can't get anyone to like you, but you can find out if they like you. Just see if they go out for drinks and dancing.
Ryder Nelson
If you think you're worthless, just keep improving. Give yourself a tiny bit more worth every day. >Why would any girl like a friendless, socially awkward, unattractive and poor loser Hey, girls have terrible taste, make bad choices, and generally value all sorts things in a partner that you can't imagine. You are quite literally *somebody's* fetish. (Not that you'll find them or they'll be attractive to you.)
Why is it that guys who are so uncertain of themselves are 100% certain of their lack of value?
Joshua Smith
Women have inherent value (the ability to conceive children). Men, by contrast, have no inherent value. To be attractive to women you need to add value to yourself; money, intelligence/knowledge, wit/charm/humour, a robust social group that offers those things, being "fun to be around", physical qualities (muscles, big dick, handsome countenance), etc.
For most men it's a low bar to be fuckable to someone, but if you were born on the autism spectrum and spent your teens/twenties playing video games alone in your room you wont have any/many of those qualities and it'll be extremely hard to pull yourself up to that very basic level because you skipped out on them in your formative years. I could just be projecting, but as a boring overweight friendless peniless uncharismatic loser dullard I assume I'm 100% invisible to women.
People are people. Value is subjective. You should never ever doubt what noone is sure of.
What I said before still goes. You're not without value or worth unless you make it that way. Prove to yourself that you have value and worth by being better than yesterday.
Anecdote: A friend of mine is a big guy, not too overweight but has a ribcage I could probably squeeze into. When he slacks off, let's his curly hair and beard grow out, and leaves the house without showering in a T-shirt, he feels like crap and knows he's disgusting. But he has strange women smile and approach him. When he is sharply trimmed, clipped, and wears a nice suit, women back away from him. It drove him nuts. I suspect now that it was because he looked "cuddly" versus authoritarian. But who knows?
The path to success starts by not assuming failure.
Grayson Jones
Social skills that normal people take for granted take DECADES to develop and most people start this process around 4-5 years old. Undoubtedly, you have some social competency because you're a functioning member of society. Thankfully, automation has yet to make social interactions irrelevant to survival. If you aren't autistic by some degree, than the real problem is self esteem and confidence. Without these, you'll never have the strength to put yourself in situations outside of your comfort zone and thats the ONLY WAY to improve your social prowess. If you are autistic, then your lack of social competency isn't likely to change and there is no real solution to that.
Landon Sanders
thanks
>live music like a concert? i went to one before. any girls were in groups with friend(s). it was also too loud to talk, but i suppose there were lines to get a drink
>but anywhere casual in public. problem is, i only see girls on the street when i'm walking to/from work to the train station when i'm on the train itself i go to the quiet, no talking section
thanks for the suggestions on conversation starters.
>Not a creepy, "I'm nervous about talking to a Pretty Lady" smile i do have an awkward smile i think,
>when i'm walking to/from work to the train station Try going to stores or places of business where human beings are.
>when i'm on the train itself i go to the quiet, no talking section ...dont do that?
Nicholas Cooper
>Try going to stores or places of business where human beings are. i don't need to buy a lot of things though. only stores i regularly go to are fast food type restaurants or coffee shops
>...dont do that? tbqh, i don't see myself starting a conversation with a stranger and it going well. especially in an enclosed space like a train. the person i talk to and the people around us would be uncomfortable.
i rarely see other people striking up conversations with random people too
>i rarely see other people striking up conversations with random people too They usually don't. Usually when it happens, there's just something that sticks out to prompt the comment, a polite or engaged response, and then that's it. But you have to start somewhere. Enclosed in the train isn't ideal, no. Waiting for the train, or food, or coffee would be better because when, not "if" but "when", it doesn't go well, they can just walk away in a moment. The idea isn't for it to go well. The idea is for it to go at all. You cannot improve at a skill if you never practice. You cannot succeed if you never try. Almost nobody just was effortlessly skilled with no practice whatsoever. Get out there and start failing to start conversations. Hell, make your goal to be to say something to someone and fail at starting a conversation at least seven times a week. Fail like crazy. Fail until you're used to it and no longer afraid of it. Then maybe you can focus on being casual and just talking to people. Talking is how people let others know how we feel about them. Warm, friendly chit chat with strangers, that doesn't serve any other purpose, let's them know that we are comfortable with them and we belong in the same society. The subtext is "Hey, I exist and I see that you exist too. That's cool."
Going to the stores or on the street and talking to women will give you a competitive advantage to the online dating scene. It's a numbers game. Keep asking more women. youtube.com/watch?v=N7FVmeJXwCY
Ryan Moore
>Shoes are the foundation of an outfit. lol wut?
David Wilson
It's true
Anthony Price
thanks
>Waiting for... i'm taking dance classes, and before class there is some waiting. sometimes people hang around and talk after class ends too. but i can't think of what to even say, before class i look at my phone, after class i leave to go home
i could use these lines , but just worried after i say these things i'll have nothing else to say
The people there were really nice. I could do the add a word or add a sentence exercises. But when it came to having conversations, I couldn't say anything, like not even a word. I felt like shit tbqh
