Alcoholism/moving on/and continuing to live

>end). I started getting suicidal at the end of last year I went to rehab in January and was gone for 2 months and did great. I felt great. I loved life again. Within 2 months of being back home, I relapsed. Got sober
Try AA. To stay sober I had to change who I was when I got sober.

Try and be a little open minded, and just hang on as best as you can for the beginning. Changing your life, living honestly, and helping others is the really goal of the 12 step programs.

They talk about God, but try not to be clouded by other peoples notion's of what that is.

In the beginning just hang on for your life, and be willing to make changes. Even small changes at first.

I came from Jow Forums by the way before this was moved.

I know your pain bro. I have no answers either. I tried being sober but am falling back on the bottle.

No, I’m not. I’m an operations manager for a company with a very good base salary. I went to my company the first time and told them I had a problem and was allowed to resume my position after rehab.

Also, this got moved from Jow Forums

>living honestly
Living honestly is not an option for some people who have fucked up bad, the bottle is a cope. I don't even know why I'm alive considering the people I could put away for life.

I honestly loved rehab. I did 30 days inpatient and 30 days in sober living plus IOP 5 days a week. Loved it. I felt great. I wish I could have stayed longer

I may try that eventually. Glad it worked for you man.

If it’s that bad for you, it’s worth a shot. I went halfway across the country for rehab. Like I said, I never wanted to leave. Honestly, I didn’t even want to leave the state I was in for rehab. I just felt so at peace out there. I was dreading coming back home

I was in AA. I fell out when I relapsed obviously. I have such a pride thing, and I know I shouldn’t. But that’s why it’s so hard for me to reach out to anyone from AA or tell family what’s been going on

Go to a doctor and ask about naltrexone.

They talked to me about it in rehab. Honestly, I’m such a skeptic when it comes to medication. I don’t even like taking Tylenol man. I only took my prescribed pills in rehab(I only had 4) and I didn’t even want to take those. But you’re right, I should look into it.

"I fucked up so bad, it's too late for me, might as well keep drinking and keep fucking up more"

see where that goes? See why you need to change in order to really stop?

Also why would you past have to dictate your level of honesty going into the future? For things that would seriously land you or someone else in prison or in a grave would be exceptions, and I would suggest getting advice from someone you trust in those instances.

Don't even worry about all this shit I'm saying, I shouldn't have dumped it on you like that. Just be ready to make small changes at first.

If you want to climb out of a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

You sound white and high IQ. The race needs you, even if you're just gutting it out for an ideal.

I'm fat as shit but rapidly becoming less fat. What worked for me is this one "extreme weightloss" YouTube guy who told the 500lb guys that they are fat because they have no accountability to themselves and they hate themselves. What he suggested (and that worked for me) is making a small promise to myself that I can actually keep, and keeping that, before piling up more goals.

So what's a good goal that you can actually keep? No, "cold turkey, daily 5am workouts, and learning to code after work" is not an acceptable goal. Try a goal you can actually keep. One single goal. Two is the most goals a person can realistically have at once. Three is madness. Four is guaranteed failure. Pick one single goal that's a good goal.

I don't know what you want to do for yourself. Only 2 beers a day right after work? Only drink at a bar? Play 3 hours of "The Witcher III" every night while drinking distilled water?

I can't help too much with the death stuff, I learned an ex had hid some sexual history stuff that was fucked up and it bothered me for a long time. It's supposed to hurt. That's how the mind knows something is bad. Best advice is to make the right tactical decision and then not think about it. Go lurk "fat people hate" and "rekt" threads on /b/ until your mind's not on it anymore.

One daily goal that you actually like. No more.

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I really think they would welcome you back with open arms user. Sounds like you already know your pride is hurting you.

You’re not wrong. OP here....but it’s the insanity of this shit. Today I had 2 days sober(which I haven’t gone 2 days in months), and I was feeling good. Drove past a liquor store(not on purpose) on the way home from work today and turned around and stopped. I literally had no intention of drinking today. It just comes out no where sometimes. And I know that’s not an excuse. But it really is pure insanity. I can feel all the pains in my body that I felt before going to rehab(the tingling in the hands and feet), and my lower back has been hurting(which I’m pretty sure it’s my kidneys)

I feel for you man. Those first days especially will never be easy, and most likely it won't. But you still have a shot, if you can get through that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for most of us, as the saying goes.

I won't sugar coat it though. Too many friends, and people I've known who are dead. Drugs, accidents, bad health, the saddest is suicide. It's saddest for me because I know there was times I was close to doing it myself. I can't explain why I didn't. I do know that where I am now, there isn't anything I'd change because the life I have now worth it despite all that shit.

I meant those first days won't likely ever get easier. The pain of willingly making the pain worse has to be more than the pain of stopping. The alcohol begins to only feel better for such a short time before the suffering comes back.

I had honestly never thought about suicide in my life until I lost my best friend and mother. Yes, I was an alcoholic before that, but I was the social alcoholic. After all of that happened,
I became the alcoholic that drank at home alone every night and wake up in the morning and take a few shots before work. I thought that I had processed all of that shit in rehab, but I’m starting to realize that I didn’t. I don’t know if there’s a “cure” or even a timetable for getting over seeing your friend with a bullet in his head, and then seeing your mom take her last breath in a hospital bed 3 months later. I know alcohol isn’t the cure to it, but it helps a little bit until I actually get drunk....because that’s when I start getting crazy. I can’t moderate my drinking. If I have drink, you might as well hand me the entire bottle because I’ll drink a 5th per night no problem

Alcohol is a medication too. Honestly I'd also recommend maybe trying to switch to weed. Drug testing and illegal/legal shit aside, it would be trading one drug for another if you could make the switch but it's much less awful on your body and might mellow you out some.
Ideally you'd go straight edge but a living and functioning addict is better than a dead one.

>relapsed
Idk if i can get my philosophy in a nutshell. Im drunk and late for bed. Didn't read all (any) of the thread but My views are probably not represented. this is just one perspective. You need to fear the fear and be realistic. The green word is the word of a pussy. There is no boogie man. Neither the bottle or the guy holding it are bad guys. Having some drink doesn't mean that you failed or that you are starting over. You need to keep it reasonable and healthy but if you're keeping a job, I bet you do better than you give yourself credit for. There are entire countries (japan) where the way this is perceived is different. Guys getting plowed every night and nobody's calling anyone an alcoholic. Forgive yourself. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Don't hold onto irrational fear. Mistakes are in the past as soon as they happen, for the most part. Keep your shit together by not loosing your shit. I may be going against the method but, I wouldn't even call yourself an alcoholic. Im not saying to deny things but definitely do not accept them the way that you do. If you're here. There's a problem. Change your point of view. Stand in another spot and look pragmatically at yourself. I chek you out later and come back around any time.

I've been doing +/-15 Miller lites every night for a year or more.
Just realized that's the same as 3 bottles of wine
Fuuuuuuuuuuck. I don't want to taper, but I need to taper down.

About the most sensible advice on here.

Go to AA. It's not for everyone but at least need to drink from the AA cup before you can decide if you like the taste.

I am not giving an medical advice, cos I'm not a Dr.

But going cold turkey from Booze CAN KILL you.

Seek medical advice.

That's why I'll taper.
I'd get nalaxaprone, but it sure is expensive without a prescription. 15 over the course of 7 hours isn't too insane, but it needs to go down by a lot.

15 beers = 9oz everclear
Bottle of whiskey = 11.25 oz of everclear