/fph/ /fps/ thread
Let's get it boys! Post some deluded fatties
/fph/ /fps/
Jaxson Lopez
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Caleb Gonzalez
Nice thread op.
Grayson Rivera
wow
this
at least dump some shit
Christopher Jones
>trying to buy coffee at the nearest Starbucks
>one of my bros actually works there, so I usually don't have to say that I want no cream or want soy milk
>already near lunch time, so I'm stuck in the middle of a long ass line
>hear some sort of commotion at the back of the line
>fat chick, easily 300lbs, 5'2 or less, wearing a bright pink tent is standing there
>She's standing 5 steps away from the start of the line railing and the last person in line, but she is so fat she is blocking the area between the closest table and a pillar, preventing the other customers from lining up
>girl behind her is asking her to move, her voice loud enough to turn a few heads.
>fatass doesn't even seem to hear her. Realize that this probably isn't the first time she has been asked to move
>girl places her hand on the fat chick's shoulder, then repeats herself
>fatass turns her head around to face the girl, with this look of disgust on her face as if she stepped on dog shit.
>after a few seconds of just staring, she turns back without a word and moves the railing on her right to create some space for herself and make room to let the others pass.
>or so I thought. After moving the railings, she directly proceeds to the counter, cutting off at least 10 people on line.
>the railing ends at the counter, so she just moves the post and tries to squeeze in between the first ordering customer and the next person in line
>being so fat, she can't help but comically bump the two guys. Both betas don't say anything
>girl behind the counter looks stunned "Um, ma'am, can I help you?"
>bitch actually points to one of the items in display "I'll have two of those donuts..."
>"I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll have to line up first."
>"I can't fit between the railings," which is true, even if the space between them can fit two normal sized humans "...so you'll have to serve me first."
>starbucks girl is speechless. Bro eventually notices something is wrong and makes his way to the counter
1/2
Bentley Rivera
>"Do you need anything miss?"
>"Yeah. I'll have two of those glazed dounts, and..."
>beta customer, the one who was already ordering, decides to speak up. "Actually, I already ordered mine, so can I just pay first?"
>fatass turns her head slowly to face him. I couldn't see her face, but I'd assume that she looked pissed.
>statbucks girl is whispering something to my bro, then he saves the customer from getting eaten "Miss, you'lll have to wait your turn."
>"But I already told her, I can't fit there!"
>"We can space them out so you can be more comfortable"
>fatass stares at him for 10 seconds, before turning around and heading for the exit.
I think she was more embarrased than mad in the end.
2/2
Zachary Rivera
>at Walmart
>scooterfats errywhere
>no more scooters for actual disabled people
>suddenly a wild snorlax appears
>already sweating mayonnaise after walk from car
>no more scooters
>hambeast has shitfit because she has to walk more
>mayonnaise flies all over the greeters as ambulocetus flails around and cries about bad knees
>a kindly old veteran appears.
>He has only one leg, but manages to walk ok with a cane.
>slips on mayonnaise and falls
>greeters proceed to ignore hambeast and get a scooter for the veteran
>hambeast starts screaming about unfairness
>tries to hit the greeters
>takes a swing, slips on own mayonnaise and falls to the floor
>police arrive and arrest the flailing greasepile
>mfw they search her and find an open jar of mayo and four kilos of chicken wings
Oliver Martin
This guy wasn't my patient but I was working the floor
>working on a unit that was short staffed for the night
>ham beast decided to take his own life and kill himself via a cocktail of meds that would have put a fucking rhino down.
>God has a twisted sense of humor. This 400 pound sack of shit still lives albeit with so many tubes going into him he is more hospital equipment then a person.
>respiratory bros come up to see how the breathing tube is working out and they come out pale. Like sheet white.
> the smell from the guys breathe was fucking horrible.
>Me and his nurse who is like 5ft3 go in to check out what's going on
>it's a rotting smell like that kind of sweet musky meat smell, like road kill.
> I mask up, gloves a gown and she does the same.
>this tiny, ballsy nurse who is acting like it doesn't smell at all finds the source
>there is a fungal growth on his molar. The combo of o2, warmth, and darkness made it grow. I leave almost vomiting.
>specialist came in first thing in the morning and yanked it although the dude was most likely going to die. He said if it weren't for the drying effect the o2 had it would have been so much worst and there is no way he could have picked it up in transit to the hospital or in it itself.
>fat guy has a fungal growth in his fucking tooth.
>every time me and that nurse see each other she chuckles.
Fat people have no hygiene
John Ortiz
>doing report on a computer with 2 of my co-workers doing the same. Coworker 2 gets up to get a coffee
>call button goes off for some junkie trailer trash who's in for the flu cause the only time she uses a needle it's for heroin
>360lbs women informs me she needs graham crackers because at 5:00am, why the fuck not.
>coworker #1 goes and gets her 2 packs and gives her the "sleep= recover" speech but this bitch hears what she wants.
>coworker 1 returns with her coffee and asks where 2 is and I inform her.
>she kind of scoff's and justifiably shakes her head.
>co workers 1&2 are back by the desk and we hear the trusty bed alarm go off.
> I go to investigate and find she opened up her giant leather purse and is eating pudding cups produced from said purse with graham crackers as the spoon.
>"fatty what are you doing?"
>"it makes my throat feel better."
Fuck this planet
Adrian Wilson
> go into work a little early and the person I'm replacing on my unit looks pissed
> find out that the parents of a patient called the hospital and reported her for misconduct.
> the patient is a huge 34 year old man who still lives with his parents and is in the hospital for chest pain. After the ER cleared him to go up to my unit his food/fluid restrictions were lifted just until the docs could get in there and see wtf is going on.
> nurse told the patient this and he phoned his parents to bring him something that wasn't hospital food.
> when the nurse discovered 4 bags of McDonald's she said that wasn't allowed.
>hamplanets parents called and reported her
>doctors were pissed they had to specify you can't eat 15 pounds of mcdonalds
>fuck this place
Adrian Jones
>working in the hospital
>hear patients bed alarm go off, we keep those on crazies or confused patients bed for such an event
>paitent is a Hambeast, easily 400lbs
>"why are you getting out of bed fatty?"
>"user I HATE WATER, I HATE IT!"
>"We'll you can't get up, you can support yourself and you can only have clear liquids"
>"Coke-cola is clear, go get me one"
>"fatty no that dosent count as clear, only water"
>by this time my co workers can hear her with a mix of amusement and disgust as she begins to do that bullshit fake cry
>"user water gives me heartburn!"
Hospitals have given me so many FPS and I'm not a better person for it...
Kayden Hill
happened a few months ago
>gym bro and i at McDonald's post-gym (dat winter dirty bulkan)
>make my order, waiting for food, go to drink station and fill up
>as i take a sip of my water i look out window and happen to see their drive-thru line
>ambulacetus in drive-thru on scooter
>spit all over gym bro, look of horror on my face from what i've seen
>"man, what the FUCK?!" he's angry and confused that i spit on him
>i point, tell him to look
>he sees... "man... what the fuck?"
>order is ready
>employee says, "oh that's mr fatasfatass. he rides his scooter up here every day"
america! fuck yeah!
Juan Turner
>start work in a new office as a fresh faced intern with 4 other colleagues
>they're all loud stumpy fat women and I'm an aspie 5'9 fimsy by comparison grill
>few months roll past, learn office dynamics well and how retarded they are
>learn fast to bring in my own water into the office as the admin would snipe at me for having to make her order more water for the office
>they all have bottles of soda and starbucks cups littered on their desks, never drink an ounce of water
>started to leave gym stuff under my desk so I could just go to gym straight after work, apparently they were under the impression they were dirty clothes and got written up for it
>next day the admin brings in her daughter and her bf to do filing for her, because that obviously isn't inappropriate considering it's confidential auditable material, swallow the warning because this bitch is helping to train me
>office doesn't have a fridge because everyone just goes across the street to some maccas, resort to bringing a cooler bag with my premade lunches
>maybe after two months of requesting they let me order a bar fridge, is immediately stuffed with their fatty snacks and giant bottles of soda
>still nowhere to put my lunches, fortunately I had moved not far from the office so I just wound up walking home to eat
>dress code is unheard of, they'd all be wearing stained hoodies track pants and runners regardless of whether they ran a day in their lives or not, $600 on business attire wasted trying to impress these careless pigs
>if they knew sexy pants supervisor was going to visit they'd throw on some pencil skirt busting at the seams and those loose flowery granny shirts that office dwelling hamplanets seem to consider business casual
>mfw colleagues skirt slits all the way up her ass, decide not to tell her when she goes out to lunch to stuff her face
endless fat people stories and fit shaming at my old office.
Benjamin Allen
>Get job at McD's
>First day, Learning to use cash register
>First customer, all on my own, qt 3.14 girl that's training me is behind me waiting to jump in if I fuck up
>Orders $30 worth of food
>I forget to ring up 2 of his #3's
>Comes back 10 mins later literally fucking squeal/whining that he didn't get 4 #3 burgers
>Ask him for his recept
>Hands it to me, turns out I forgot to ring it up
>"Would you like to order an additional 2 #3's?"
>"Yeah, and I'll take another......"
>While ordering his lard son come up and whines for food
>They end up ordering $40 worth of food(That time)
TL:DR? First day of work fatty's ordered and ate $70 USD of food over the course of an hour
Henry Sanchez
>Loudly proclaim how coke zero and coke light are for retards
>If you're drinking something unhealthy, just fucking drink it
>If you want to drink something healthy, don't buy fucking coke
>even people around me who drink it laugh, they're healthy enough anyway, work out regularly, etc.
>Hambeast behind me clears her throat.
>I turn around
>She turns her coke bottle towards me, "I drink coke light"
>"Yeah"
Anthony Green
Here goes
>Get a job at a binding factory (kill me)
>Me and another temp on a machine, in direct view of the vending machines
>Lardosaurus rex goes for her pre-pre lunch snack
>Waddles to the vending machine and fumbles in her pocket for nearly 2 minutes before she drags the change out
>Gets a chocolate bar
>And another
>Packet of crisps
>And another
>And another
>Gets cereal bar
>Me and temp bro dumbstruck, I say 'I bet she gets diet coke'
>mfw she gets diet coke
Isaac Ward
I don't want to go over the entire story since it's not funny and I just need to vent but basically
>fat ass had her sister drop her off at work
>she lives about 3 minutes from me
>tried to force me to drive her home
>said no
>entire office pressured me into it, I agreed just to get them to shut up
>driving home I'm listening to sports talk radio because I'm sort of obsessed with sports
>she starts shit talking me, my car, sports and says I don't know how to have fun
>as if this cunt knows the joys of pushing your body to the limits
>she fucking changes the station and I immediately change it back
>she changes it again and I say "If you touch my Goddamn radio again I'm gonna pop you in the mouth"
>she shuts up and doesn't touch it
>next day I am under "probation" and if I have any other infractions I will be fired
I would say it's 99% my fault but she just wouldn't shut up. Why are fat people so self absorbed and entitled?
Brandon Roberts
>loosing weight steadily for past 8 months
>already lost roughly 80 pound
>roomate's girlfriend is fat as fuck and lives with us.
>ALWAYS pushing junk food on me / trying to get me to eat shit with her and her increadingly fat boyfriend.
>every few weeks says "THATS IT, I'M GOING TO GET THIN LIKE user" makes a big deal of it.
>starts eating heaping bowls of peanuts instead of M&Ms
>starts eating 3-4 CHICKEN sandwiches at wendy's instead of baconaters
>no exercise, only liquid she drinks is dr pepper and thawing icecream.
>Hear her swearing in the bathroom one day
>"whats wrong"
>"FUCK OFF SKINNY ASSHOLE, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE AIDS YOU KNOW THAT!?"
>i'm like the fuck?
>go in to take a piss, see the scale in the middle of the bathroom floor
>my face when I have no face
On an unrelated note, I caught her drinking my whey because she was out of milkshake mix.
Josiah Jenkins
>Be EMT
>Get called out at 4 in the morning
>Supervisor warned us that the address we were being called to called 911, 3 other times today
>Pt was a 400 pound guy with a 50 pound hernia that he kept getting stuck in the bed railing and the bed
>Get there
>sumofallfears.jpg
>Smell is terrible but tolerable
>Hernia is stuck
>It's actually oozing like a pimple that's on the brink of exploding by itself
>Puss is leaking into the bed pan below
>Partner threads sheet between his arms
>I thread sheet through his back
>"Ok we are going to lift on three"
>"three" Lift
>The smell of urine, shit, blood, and puss in the space that his fact was protecting from comes WOOSHING out from underneath as I lift
>Smell travels upward
>I get a mouthful of this
>Will never forget the smell
>Top 5 worst smells, Top 5 worst scenes
Justin Morris
>Be 18 and attending a party of a friend of a friend
>Be beefy guy, not overweight but just no muscle definition - 6'2" 95kg
>Do lots of lifting, boxing, and hike 5km every day
>Have 7/10 girlfriend on vacation, back in few days so not looking to get lucky
>Mingling with people, meet some crazy dudes and having a blast
>Fight breaks out and one of my athletic friends and I jump in and separate the two drunkards
>Pretty good night
>Suddenly a wild hambeast appears!
>Girl goes to my highschool, and only reason I know is that I've seen her waddling around from time to time (easy 150kg)
>The birthday girl comes over to me and warns me that this behemoth has a thing for me
>She says she didn't want her to come and was only invited through another friend
>She apologizes to me and says to just ignore her if possible
>I totally understand and do my best to just stay out of behemoths orbit
>I meet up with some really old friends from my elementary school days
>Party in full swing going well
>Suddenly feel greasy hand grab my arm
>Reaction kicks in and I flick it away, turn around to see diabeetus standing there smiling at me
>I'm staring death in the face and the fight or flight system is kicking in
>Before she can utter a single word, saved by calls from the side gate
>It's athletic guy who helped me break up the fight from earlier
>He says he needs my help urgently
>I flat out sprint to the gate and he's laughing his head off
>We bolt inside through the side door and head upstairs
>We ended up spending the majority of the night chilling upstairs and on the balcony that overlooks the front
>All this just to avoid bushpig, he hated the stupid bitch from shit she did earlier that year
>He was laughing at shit the fat slag did all night
>I saw the giant greaseball sobbing later that night and learned that she passed out and broke stuff when she fell
>Athletic guy wasn't a wingman that night, he was an extraction team and I owe him many drinks
Ian Wood
>be at work (grocery store)
>supervisor, but sometimes have to act as cashier if it gets busy
>it's busy
>hamplanet comes through my line with her daughter and grand daughter
>child remarks "this pizza is for me!"
>hamplanet says "man, I wish I was you. Seriously, she eats twice as much as me, and I still gain weight!"
>smirk on the inside
>child then says "that's because I exercise a lot"
>hamplanet has nothing to say and pays the total
I was so proud of that little girl.
Jacob Cooper
k I'm bored
good luck, faggot thread
Dylan Harris
g'night, user.
Have a good rest - sounds like you need it.
Caleb Jenkins
Bump
Jack Adams
Brody Howard
Anthony Davis
>pic
That's some heavy shit, man.
Hunter Rivera
>he’s a hiking man
Based
Jacob Price
Oh god why.
Benjamin Thompson
wew
Blake Butler
Original for reference:
youtube.com
>ratings disabled
>comments disabled
>In a society obsessed with body image and marked by a fear of fat, Kelli Jean Drinkwater engages in radical body politics through art. She confronts the public's perception of bigger bodies by bringing them into spaces that were once off limits -- from fashion runways to the Sydney Festival -- and entices all of us to look again and rethink our biases. "Unapologetic fat bodies can blow people's minds," she says.
Asher Edwards
Christopher Harris
kek
Nolan Roberts
>Kelly Jean Drinkwater
More like
>Kelly Jean Drownsinsoda
Pic related, the female is pregnant, they're both early twenties.
Liam Sullivan
Reproduction should require a license
Leo Roberts
REEEEEEEE
why is it easier for these pigs to get laid than it is for me?
Blake Howard
Lower standards and they're not autistic. Seems like all you virgins shoot for 10s when in reality you are probably a 6 at best.
Charles Cruz
>at work, office has a cafeteria
>guy with huge hanging gut is ordering
>cook asks “usual two grilled cheeses?”
>guy says no, I’m eating healthy today
>give me a chicken wrap
>extra cheese
>put some lettuce and tomato in there
>extra ranch and mayo
>cook says “do you want bacon too?”
>guy says “no thanks, I’m eating healthy today”
William Martin
How were they able to count that as a work infraction if you weren't even in the office when it happened?
Jayden Martinez
I want to believe that's a real article and headline..
Benjamin Wright
I work with the fattest girl I've ever seen, she looks like the blueberry girl from willy wonka. Yesterday she casually pulled old McDonald's fries out of her purse and started eating them cold. She also gets all Fox and the Sour Grapes when she sees skinny bitches.
Luke Jones
>extra ranch and mayo
Why do you need both? For what reason? Any why extra. Ahhhhh
Jackson Nguyen
Jackson Anderson
Sickening
How do you let yourself do that? A responsible adult would be the reverse of this
Ayden Myers
Dominic Martinez
just a taste
Jason Carter
Pop off, James
Christian Wilson
Nolan Perez
I used to think that until I realized that humanity would be even more fucked with the bureaucratic clusterfuck that is government deciding who reproduces. Think political correctness and AA quotas combined with DMV level inefficiency.
Thomas Carter
At work nothing to do so quick fps.
>be me
>go to gym last night push day
>I see her as I pull in the great white whale
>open door to the very small gym busy day around 3-6 people whole time I'm there
>whales in the back on the ab crunch thing panting heavily
>start warming up for bench today I use lamo 1pl8 for my work weight so I'm stoked
>crash
>2 maybe three more crashes of probably 200 lbs she's got 3/4 of the ab machinas stack and is slamming her heaping mass of 300+ burgers against this poor thing.
>she stands up
>its a blonde BLOAATGOD
>LITTERALLY almost maxing every machine she uses
>slams out 3 or so reps at a time
>loud exhausted panting then the crashing of slamming stacks
Don't know if I'm impressed or disgusted.
Ian Davis
She was fat even in 18. So no surprise here.
Gabriel Rivera
>mfw
>my
>face
>when
You're doing it wrong.
Luke Kelly
dammit i had always been to lazy to read this, why did i have to read it? i fucking hate this place
Daniel Stewart
I deadlift for Craig after I read this story a few months ago
Elijah Moore
Damn this thread is so good I gotta keep it alive with an OC fps
>elementary school vacation
>out of the 20-30 kids 4 were pretty fucking fat
>teachers decide we should go hiking
>no exceptions (i'm pretty sure they regretted it in hindsight)
>fatbois slow af of course
>they keep straggling off
>about halfway through fatties just come to a complete halt
>teachers and the rest of the kids keep on walking
>when the group is about to leave shouting range of the fat fucks, a teacher shouts at them
>"We are going to leave you here if you don't come!"
>fatties know better, its the teachers responsibility to get the kids home so they call the bluff
>standoff ensues, it seemed to last an eternity but probably half an hour in reality
>everyone mad at hambeasts now
>fatbois get Well Rested bonus and resume walking
>rest of the group stops talking to them for the remainder of the vacation
>idk if being ignored was such a terrible experience for the hamplanets but in the following years they all got fit or at least skinny
>one of them is an MMA fighter and bulkiest mofo in town
I guess you can consider that a happy ending.
Sebastian Harris
Was the fat bitch a nigger?
Because now it's apparently impossible to expect basic human decency or the ability to act in a civilized manner by niggers in Starbucks.
Isaac Garcia
>I am the elephant in the room
Joshua Price
james would you please pop off
Nolan Martinez
Don't really have any stories to contribute, but I'll bump with an observation I made yesterday
>in a meeting with group
>one of the girls is fat
>she's really nice, no complaints about her. really quiet
>all sitting there listening to our professor talk to us
>nobody talking but my prof
>can literally hear her breathing across the room the whole meeting
I've never experienced someone's breathing sounding so labored before, especially when we're all just sitting around a table.
Benjamin Jackson
What if when we fly we ask for belt extenders so fat people don't get them?
Nathan Nelson
>Out walking
>Pass 31 Flavors
>One fat person outside waiting
>Car pulls up and two fat people get out and line up
>They complain about the store being closed
>It's 10:46 in the morning
Jace Baker
Exactly what they needed. Not just "ew gross ur fat" but an objective demonstration of how much of a burden their obesity was on society.
Ryan Cook
DMV isn't that bad where I'm from. Maybe it's because I'm white.
Cameron Collins
this happened to me, today
only my mother, a fatty (like several hundred pounds), and myself were in a waiting room and it was like someone started a recording of the ocean to help me fall asleep. I kinda felt bad for him, actually.
Liam Bailey
I did. Sorry for being unnecessarily abrasive.
Jow Forums is for homoeroticism, not homophobia. My bad.
Colton Scott
>She confronts the public's perception of bigger bodies by bringing them into spaces that were once off limits
Is she bending the laws of physics or something?
>"Unapologetic fat bodies can blow people's minds"
I'd imagine so. Probably not for the reason she thinks, though.
Aaron Smith
>life isn't worth living without sugar
That shit really is like cocaine to fat fucks isn't it.
Alexander Baker
How's your first day on the internet going?
(It's pasta and even if it were mine, you're wrong on at least two accounts; the more relevant of which is that mfw can be and is commonly used without a face. The other one is mean so I'll keep it to myself)
>tangentially related:
I'm getting real tired of how convoluted and multi-faceted b8 gets, these days. Nothing is real or genuine to me.
Jeremiah Scott
What's her biceps routine?
Luis Scott
>has a full backpiece on her upper arm
Easton Diaz
i love happy endings.
Kevin Richardson
>fatbois get Well Rested bonus
I got that reference. Walking is grinding for them, and not just in the knees.
Matthew Baker
"You don't look like you need one."
"It's for my penis."
Elijah Cruz
I generally don't like looking at these pictures but it was well worth it for these two comments.
Lucas Morales
>fatties do some 20 min cardio
>doing rear flies in the dbell section they do 2 benches down and sit
>one of them has a written program and starts deciphering the drawings with fatty friend
>discuss a bit the picks up low weights and decideds to do ohp with wrong form, she even has a slight hunch back
>other land whale just watches the whole time
>im doing rear fly dropsets, mp3 on but still hear them make a comment about my odd exercise
>rack up bb for pendalays
>hear the fatty doing ohp say 'omg im such a mozzarella! all my muscles have gona away'
>cant help but giggle
Hey at least they were excercising. Giving them the benefit of the doubt here.
Lincoln Watson
>Be working at summer camp
>One week we get a new employee
>She is literally the ugliest fattest landwhale ive ever seen.
>Easily 400 lbs.
> would eat green tea powder and chocolate powder plain straight out of the tub with a spoon
> constantly complained about the rugged terrain and having to walk up hills
>her stench was unbearable, like a turd in the sun.
>staff cabins segregated by gender
>all the girls say she freely gets naked at night and farts horrendously in her sleep.
>I cant fathom the other horrors that happen in the girls cabin
>anyways she couldnt even walk 50 feet without having to stop and take a 5 minute break
> so fat that the staff uniform shorts we had to wear didnt come in a size big enough, so she just let the inner thigh seams rip and waddled around with her gargantuan thighs shuffling against eachother like some horrible suspended front-butt out in the open for everyone to see.
> one time the staff area plumbing clogged up and nobody could use the bathrooms.
>maintenance guy checks out the pipes and finds a massive pair of panties covered in shit and blood clogging up the pipes.
>mfw she got her period and bled everywhere and tried to flush the evidence.
>mfw this bitch actually thought she was attractive
>mfw she only lasted 2 weeks
>mfw i hate fat people
Connor King
>At gym
>17 year old fatasfatass walks in with brand new gear, looks like she must be resolutionfag
>Goes on leg-press machine
>25kg
>3 reps
>gets off sweating like a pig
>drinks 1L of water and rolls out mat and does 5 sit-ups
>spends next 45 minutes walking around talking to people trying to exercise
Joseph Reed
>mom has been 100 lb her entire life
>is now starting to put on a little weight
>Decide to be upfront with her weight problem since she's been a fairly athetlic person her entire life
>bring it up during lunch
>"mom, you're gaining a little weight"
>"What do you mean?"
>"your stomach, you have a little ..ya know"
>"Oh, that's just loose muscle"
>Just loose muscle
>LOOSE MUSCLE
>MY FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESION
Joseph Ward
>be at grandparents
>mom is fat
>get call from her job at 10pm
>she had a seizure do to lack of fluids
>mom eats unhealthy foods anyways
>me and my grandmother go to pick her up
>joke some about her eating habits
>mfw my mom actually gets a salad for dinner and drinks water the next day
>mfw it might be the only time and she will go back to unhealthy eating habits
>mfw the next seizure puts her into a coma
seriously why do fat people think that they wont have medical problems from the way they eat, drink, and live?
Joshua Richardson
>be 15
>be at a local town center with my friend
>he's high I'm not
>walking around in a tank top because I want to show off my traps and biceps
>walking over to car all the way across this big ass town center
>already tired from leg workout that day
>kind of walking slowly
>two hamplanets see me and highfriend
>hamplanet 1 says "you'd think he'd be able to walk since he's soOoOo buff"
>hamplanet 2 laughs and says "yeah I bet it's all those roids weighing down on him"
>highfriend thinks I didn't hear them
>nope.jpg
>turn my ass around and say "dude I forgot something"
>we catch up with hamplanets
>Say "Hey you guys been to the ice cream store?"
>"no"
>highfriend has no idea what im doing
>say "Oh well my friend and I just thought we would take you because you guys are kind of cute."
>both of them giggle and say yes
>start walking towards where car is again
>highfriend is like wtfbro
>say "You guys are pretty cute, you must get this from a lot of guys, huh?"
>hamplanets say yes
>yaokay.avi
>we get to the icecream store
>tell them to get whatever they want it's our treat
>highfriend and I already ate so it's all good
>of course they get the biggest shit they can
>start grinning like a mad man
>highfriend realizes what im about to do and prepares the door
>tell them they can start eating ill just go pay
>whisper to the cashier that they are stealing food
>cashier calls security
>walk to hamplanets
>say "It's all taken care of ladies, but you guys should really learn not to run your mouths when you've got massive cottage cheese thighs."
>they realize I heard what they said
>let out three massive protein farts before I leave
>highfriend opens door and we sort of speed walk away
>hamplanets dazed by my poisons
>Yell "Fucking hamplanets."
>leave
>mfw
Never heard what actually happened to them, but I'm sure nothing too serious.
Andrew Stewart
And then everybody clapped
Liam Butler
>high school
>head computer guy is pretty fat, he was supposedly in the SAS and broke a leg when his parachute fucked, thus was honorably discharged
>one day some abos break into the school and steal some bags
>computer guy sees it
>gets a kid to call the police
>immediately chases after abo kids
>no joke, this guy is at least 120kg
>pulls himself/leaps over the school fence like it ain't no thang (it's about 2.3 metres high)
>catches up to the abo kids in seconds
>one of them pulls a knife on him
>slaps it away like it ain't no thang
>manages to grab both the abo kids and SITS ON THEM until the police arrive
it was by far the best thing I've ever seen
Christopher Ward
>Work at mcdonalds
>running front register
>2 hobo lookin landwhales walk in
>5 feet from counter and i recieve an onslaught of piss smell mixed with odor of rancid rot
>Near pass out
>Says they will take it light today
>orders 10 burgers
>brags how they came in and ordered 100 burgers once
Charles Cook
>be college
>adolescent psychology class
>get to class, start reading book
>smell a smell, a smelly smell
>can't pin point it
>group assignment comes up
>turn around because I'm paired up with the row behind me
>black landwhale brought a box of 6 piece fried chicken into class
>wat?
Talking to her equally as large friend next to her how she feels guilty that people have to watch her eat this delicious meal.
>mfw it's only the second day of this shit
>another group assignment, same groups
>turn around and start writing in my notebook what needs to be done
>same girl whips out a bag of chips
>Sun Chips
>bag explodes and crumbs rain all over me
>"I'm so sorry"
>as she eats them, starts telling the group how healthy these chips are because they're whole grain all the way through the chip, not just a small part
>end me
Luis Hughes
>go to America for conference
>last day i go to am American super market
>wow, the aisles are so wide here!
>they sell everything in one place!
>scooters everywhere
>people on them so fat they take up half the lane
>three coming towards me
>one honks at me
>"Do you want something"
>"move it foreigner!"
>press myself againt the aisle
>one of them rolls over both my feet anyway
>"ARRRRRGH"
>"Watch it skinny!"
>I collapse on the floor
>"Always give way to scooters kid, we have right of way in this country!"
>guy in vest comes running over as i am still screaming
>calls for ambulance and police to be called over a radio
>see coppers arrest one of the riders at the gates, they are going nuts over how they have right of way because they are disabled, and the guy she hit wasn't even an American
>mfw i realize it was a family of three, all on scooters
>friend i am there with gets me away from the ambos before i am loaded into the van
>feet hurt so fucking much
>tells me that under no circumstances am i to go to the hospital here
>takes me to airport and fills me with painkillers
>get home after long flight, out of it most of the time
>paramedics waiting at the airport in Melbourne
>8 fractures across both feet, three in one 5 in the other
>mfw in a wheelchair and refused to use a mobility scooter when one was offered
Hudson Perez
Carson Wilson
Disgusting.
Andrew Jenkins
fake and gay
Anthony Gutierrez
this has to be the worst fph thread this year, these are so painfully fake cmon guys at least try
Juan Fisher
You really think that someone would do that? Just go on the internet and lie?
Asher Ward
F
U
C
K
I
N
G
K
I
L
L
Y
O
U
R
S
E
LF
You do this ever thread, spam the same shitty fucking fps.
Daniel Wright
>Calls others newfags
>Insists mfw can happen sans face
Nice work, fatass
Charles Roberts
I'm disappointed that you had to double up on the last one. I don't do it every thread, either. You're retarded. I'm gonna keep doing it. I'll put up one more so you can get it right should you attempt your retardation another time.
Henry Cruz
>be high school health class
>teacher is a fucking cow
>torso pretty much round
>spent a week learning cpr
>exam time
>have to perform the heimlich maneuver on fat teacher in front of class
>my turn comes
>step behind fatty
>put arms around it
>pull in and up
>most disgusting feeling ever
>almost threw up
>sit back down
>next girl goes up
>can't fit arms around fatty
>she fails the test
Julian Gray
Connor Perez
>niggers in Starbucks.
kek
Landon Morris
Does anyone have any material of retarded fatties who mistakenly believed they were eating healthy food?
Nolan Gutierrez
>Hot girl surrounded by catty fat bitches
Hnnnnnggf this is my fetish, did she ever post more?
Gabriel Brooks
why? you can't have fresh content constantly. i havent read some of these copypastas, and most of the screengrabs are classics. should be required reading for /fph/
Ryder Allen
He could have put F before the first quote and wouldn’t have had to double up. What a cocksucking waste of space.
Joshua Anderson
>be us
>year 11 maths class
>maths teacher is based mr lowe
>also in our class is earth's second moon aka paul
>paul misses class half the time due to "lethargy," doesn't hand in assignments
>he can't even integrate lmao3^x
>one friday arvo, half the class is missing cause they're running the cross country
>paul is also mysteriously absent
>mr lowe calling down the roll
>gets to paul's name
>mr lowe: "paul? where's paul?"
>some kid: "i think he's at cross country sir."
>...
>mr lowe: "what are they doing, running around him?"
moar?