>be me
>be very young(6-7,I can't really remember,I think I was in elementary maybe)
>have a girl neighbour 2 years younger
>we play togheter a lot,since there's not much else to do
>one day get bored and randomly kiss eachother
>mfw her parents see us
>mfw my parents see us
>they completely lose it and start laughing hysterically
>they make fun of me for days
>i don't really wanna play with her anymore,i hate her,my parents and her parents
I'm not saying this ruined my life or anything but it definitely affected my capacity of getting intimate with anyone.I never had a gf,even if girls showed interest in me,I could never really make a move in fear of what others would think about us.Am I just overreacting or that shit really affected me and my self esteem when it comes to relationships?Just felt like venting and getting an opinion about this.
Be me
you will never recover
never forget
you need to live with this trauma
or kill yourself
that will show 'em
>start laughing hysterically
>make fun of me for days
psychic trauma.
>it definitely affected my capacity of getting intimate with anyone
psychic trauma not dealt with. the more years pass by, the worst it is.
you're absolutely not overreacting.
tried yet with a (good) therapist? you have to take some actions against this kind of block. I have other types of issues, but I didn't do anything for many years and now the mess is far worse.
Oh yeah also forget to mention all the
>'user you still don't have a girlfriend?'
>'haha user just grab some girl,everyone your age has/had a girlfriend,what's keeping you?'
>"how's it going with the girls user?'
Lately they have been asking it less,maybe they think I'm gay or some shit,I just keep telling them I'm focusing on my studies to become someone so they kinda drop it.
samefag here. that shit is probably a mechanism your mind built to shield you from another experience like that. you must get rid of it, it hurts you instead of protecting you.
I never really talked with anyone about it.I didn't give it too much thought,but these days I started analyzing memories and tried to see which ones really contributed to me being the way I am today.There are more for more of my issues but this seems like the one who caused my coldness,inability to relate/connect with people and inability to get intimate with anyone.It's been a couple of years so I don't know if there's much to be done about it now.
Yes,that's definitely the case,I'm afraid it's ingrained too deep in my brain already,though.And I'm always pretty secretive about anything,towards anyone,maybe that's related too.
I had the same shit.
>Be 4 years old
>Fall in love with a girl
>Was already a sperg so never talked to her
>Told my family about my love
>They mock me, humiliate me
>They even tell the girl
I was traumatized of relationship and couldn't even touch a girl for 10 years.
Then...
>Be 17
>Help mom with groceries
>My mom see a girl with her mother
>Rush at her
>Ask if she's really "Georgette" (not true name)
>Yes
>Start talking about my unrequited love with the other mother while both harpies were laughing.
>The girl was feeling awkward, almost as much as me.
>I tactically fled the place.
Now they try to ask my younger brothers if they have a love life (they're 12-13). I protect them and tell them to not say anything.
The weird thing is that the girl is absolutely fine and has been dating and fucking guys without any issue,kek.
There's plenty to be done. I waited two fucking decades to start a therapy I had to do long before. Nevertheless, I'm slowly recovering from my problems. You still are in a far better position than me.
Also, this:
>these days I started analyzing memories and tried to see which ones really contributed to me being the way I am today
You've already started your own therapy. You are yet healing. It's something my therapist told me in the first: if you thought to your issues, made yourself questions, realized something, and then decided to come here, you're yet in the middle of your path to complete recovering.
These are automatic defense mechanisms unconsciously built as a consequence to a traumatic experience. We must recognize them and get rid of them if they prevent us to fully live.
You are on the right way, much more advanced than you think. Indeed:
>that's definitely the case
you recognized it.
Go ahead user, you are going to fix it.