Be me

Funny how such a little thing can fuck you up so much for so long.And they think nothing of it,you're like a fucking pet for parents,I swear,ever since day 1,they just brag with you and make fun of you around other people.

We're all different from one another. Probably, for her mind that event was not as traumatic as it was for you; or she had some more instruments to cope with it than you; or her family then had a behaviour that 'defused the bomb'.
You'll never know, but don't care. You have to take care of yourself.

>if you thought to your issues, made yourself questions, realized something
Yes,I really gave in depth thought to a lot of my memories,and analyzed what sort of behaviour patterns might've result out of them,think I should write some of them down,maybe it would help.Ironically enough,opening up to a therapist after experience feels pretty impossible,but I definitely have to try at some moment.But most therapists around my city are females,if I can't find a male one,it would definitely be pretty difficult.
>You are on the right way, much more advanced than you think.
Thanks a lot user,I never really thought much of that whole experience but you opened my eyes and made me see there's something defnitely wrong that came out of it.Hope you can manage to fix your issues as well.How did you build up the courage to get to a therapist?

I remember guys who dated her saying she was pretty reserved and shy,and was like 'really hard to get',so maybe it affected her in some way too,but she had guys constantly trying to make her feel comfortable around them,so I'm guessing now it just comes natural.For me,whenever I started getting cold,girls would just disappear,no questions asked.
>tfw your first kiss fucked you up more than it helped

Definitely. Great. Problem.
No one educates us to deal with our emotions and with those of other people. Least of all,no one prepares people to be parents.
And a lot of damage comes from stupid behaviours parents don't ever realize a bit.

> I definitely have to try at some moment.But most therapists around my city are females,if I can't find a male one,it would definitely be pretty difficult.
Indeed, you have to feel well with the therapist, and his/her gender is relevant. Meanwhile, take some information about good female therapists, even if they aren't near. One day you'll decide if it's worth it.
>Thanks a lot user
You're welcome. Glad to be of a little help.
>How did you build up the courage to get to a therapist?
My life was crumbling down. Marriage, work, money. Had to do something. Absolutely. Don't wait for this.

>Least of all,no one prepares people to be parents
So much this.I don't know how an implementation would work,but parents definitely need some kind of 'classes' from a therapist,who actually knows his shit,to teach them even some basic stuff about childhood traumas,and similar stuff.I always felt like my parents weren't really prepared to have me(I'm a bastard,kek),but they somehow managed to raise me,make me a decent person,and take care of me,and I will forever be grateful for that,and I can't wait to actually finish my studies,get a nice job and spoil them a little,I feel like I owe them,even if they did what they did.Yeah it's pretty weird.

>And they think nothing of it,you're like a fucking pet for parents
I wouldn't say that.
Even if my mom made fun of me, she wanted me to be tough.
Like she would slap me when i cry.
In the end, i almost became emotionless, a bit more that she wanted.
Even now, at 24, i'm still slowly learning how to understand and not repress my feelings, step by step.

That's how I see most parents around me.I feel like they have no sense of responsibility at all,they just think of having a kid like 'a fun thing to do' or something.It's good that she toughened you up,somehow my mom did that too,I repress most of my feelings as well,around anyone.I don't think she ever slapped me though,just by words/arguments.

>female
Sorry, I wanted to write "male".

>Yeah it's pretty weird.
Not at all. You're a sane person, you're balanced. Recognizing one's parents errors without blaming them, it's a very advanced behaviour, emotionally speaking.

One last advice, if I may: write down that account, user, and sometimes re-read what you wrote. It'll be a full therapy in itself.